A tantrum over a treat forces Mia Freedman to question how much sugar her daughter is eating. And the answer isn't pretty...
I'm in a café having lunch and my daughter is having a meltdown. On a scale of 1-10, I would rate it about an 11. Of course, it doesn't start out that extreme. Tantrums rarely do, do they?
Sure enough, this one started innocently enough with a deceptively simple request. "I want something sweet," my two and a half year old said as our lunch arrived. My husband had ordered mushrooms and smoked salmon on toast, I'd ordered a burger and we'd planned to share both among the three of us.
"No darling, it's lunchtime," I replied automatically. "We're having lovely lunch, look at this burger! Isn't it big! It looks delicious!" Quickly, her plea turned into a whine. "But I want something sweeeeeet," she insisted. "Oh yummy, this burger is so yummy!" I sing-songed with a slight edge to my voice, ignoring her request. "Would you like some meat? Or what about these yummy mushrooms? Tasty!"
I was wasting my time and my breath. The whines soon began to crescendo into loud crying as other customers in the café began to look our way. "But I WANT something SWEEEEEEEET!!!"
In moments, it had become so offensive I had to hand the baby to my husband mid breast-feed and carry the toddler out onto the footpath for a stern talking-to.
I did that whisper-shout thing when you're trying to be cross but quietly, so everyone can't hear you. Resorting to the time-honoured parent tradition of bribery, I opened with this offer "Look, let's make a deal, OK? If you eat the meat on your plate we can have something sweet."
She thought about my proposition momentarily and then - still crying and whining - reluctantly agreed. We went back inside and she sat down and took a bite of the burger. Then she spat it out. "Nooo!" she wailed. "I HATE this meat!" Back outside.
As she got more and more worked up and it became clear that things were not going to end well, my husband quickly paid the bill and we carried the wailing, flailing child to the car. People with kids threw us sympathetic looks. Single people threw us horrified ones.
Things got worse. All the way home, the hysteria built, with the refrain "I WANT SOMETHING SWEEEEET!" on endless repeat. "This is ridiculous," we muttered, winding down the windows so some of the sound could escape before our ears began to bleed. "It's time for a sugar detox".
I'm not sure how my daughter came to be addicted to sugar. Oh wait, yes I am. It's my fault. Well, not just my fault. Admittedly, I do have a very sweet tooth. In fact, I have a mouthful of them. Always have. So in part, I'm going to guess it's genetic.
But in my defence, it's not like she has Coco Pops for breakfast or coke in her bottle. We save that for weekends and special occasions.
Seriously, I've been aware for a while that my kids have too many treats. Too much sugar. It seems everywhere I look, sugar is waiting.
When friends drop over to see me and the baby, they bring muffins. We go to a friend's house for a BBQ and there's ice-cream for the kids afterwards. Every second weekend it's someone's birthday and there's party food. And lolly bags to take home. Giant lolly bags with Freddo Frogs. At the indoor play centre, every child gets a balloon and a lollipop on the way out. We go to a school fete and there's a chocolate fountain. I stop to get a coffee and there are brightly decorated mini-cupcakes at eye level. We order a babycino and it comes with a marshmallow on the side.
And all this is before we set foot in a supermarket or convenience store with all the junk infuriatingly displayed at waist-height.
At home, I can't pretend I'm not a contributor to the problem. I like to bake cookies with the kids. My bad. But when the guilt overwhelms me, I get cranky. Is it fair that I be denied the pleasure of giving my kids a treat because virtually every other person in their lives do it so often?
Why do I have to constantly be the sugar police?
For kids these days, it seems life is one big treat opportunity. The word itself has almost lost meaning. When we were kids, a treat used to be something you got OCCASIONALLY. The odd bowl of vanilla ice cream after dinner if you ate all your broccoli. Birthday cake. Easter.
But now? Treats are expected. They're part of the daily landscape. And while I'd like to say I was concertedly fighting the good fight against sugar, I'm not. When I'm tired or stressed or distracted or, ahem, eating a biscuit myself, my guard drops and I cave in.
And that is how I found myself in a car with a hysterical toddler and perforated eardrums. We decided a detox was the only answer. Thankfully, we were on holiday, which meant no outside influences, and we could carefully control what our daughter ate. It worked.
After a few (far milder) protests from her, it only took a few days for her to stop asking for treats and start getting excited about fresh fruit for dessert.
We haven't cut out sugar entirely because I don't think there's any need to be extreme. She still has honey on her Weetbix and yoghurt for a snack. An occasional jam sandwich.
But with her birthday and Christmas coming up, I'm sure things will fall apart. I'm hardly about to make her a birthday cake out of salad. And try telling grandparents about a no sugar rule….not going to happen.
But taking the emphasis of sugar, even for a few weeks has been a positive thing and easier than I expected. Now I just need to remember where I hid my biscuits…
Do you think kids have too many treats these days? Do you ever feel like the sugar police? How can you make sure your child doesn't become addicted?
Chat about sugar, treats and tantrums here.
