Essential Baby blogger Joseph Kelly
Joseph Kelly tries to adjust his over-protective parenting style.
The weird and wonderful thing about kids is that they are your very own controlled science experiment. You decide to a large degree what influences they are exposed to, what lessons they will learn and, hopefully, what kind of person they will be.
In the evening, when Susie and I finally get time alone without Maisie and Frances, we fill each other in on such weighty topics as how much the girls ate and how many bowel movements they had. Like masters of our own petrii dish we faithfully study every input and output recorded by our girls. So when Maisie came home from school one day and said she had made a new friend I was naturally curious. "What's your friend's name?" was my first question. "Does Bridie have any siblings?" was my next. "Have either of Bridie's parents ever been convicted of an indictable offence?" followed that one.
By the time I got around to asking about Bridie's parent's views on carbon trading and Industrial Relations reform Maisie had fled to her mum for comfort. While I was rapt for Maisie that she was making new friends, it seemed strange that she was developing this 'other' life that I didn't know anything about. I knew dwelling on the issue made me look like a rampant control freak - I knew this because everyone in the lunch room at work told me so the next day when I raised the issue in conversation. Not even my fellow parents would come to my aid, arguing that Maisie should be free to decide who her friends should be. I told them I agreed whole heartedly, it's just that I should decide on the pool of kids from which she draws her friends. This left a very long and weird silence in the lunch room.
So having been ousted by my peers as a control freak I decided let go of the Bridie issue. 'Letting go' involved hanging around the school assembly in the mornings and afternoons to try and catch a glimpse of Bridie's parents, but with no luck. I made very discrete enquiries with Maisie's teacher but still couldn't fully profile Bridie and her family.
While I came to know Bridie as a lovely, kind and extremely funny girl it killed me that I couldn't put her in any 'context'. Eventually one day when I picked Maisie up from school she told me that she's been invited to Bridie's birthday party. I instantly RSVP'd and circled the date in my diary. My days as a looney over-protective father were about to come to a close.
On the day of the party Susie was sick so she stayed in bed with Frances while Maisie and I made our own way to the shin dig. When I arrived at the party I was instantly greeted by Bridie's mum. "She looks normal. She doesn't have any prison-house tatts. Where's Bridie's dad?" were the jumble of thoughts crowding my mind. "I'm Jane. I've been so interested to meet you" she introduced herself. "It is so weird when they have friends that you don't know anything about, don't you think?" she added. Oh my God, I thought, she's one of those judgemental precious overprotective parents. And I bet she's been trying to pigeon hole my lovely, kind and extremely funny Maisie!
Once rationality had restored itself and Jane and I had a "so what do you do" kind of chat, I realised there must be two kinds of parents - those that need to know everything and those that don't. And after a good chat over a plate of fairy bread, Jane and I agree we're happy to admit we need to know everything.
What kind of parent are you? Do you need to know everything or are you happy to let things roll?
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