Toddlers are delightful. Their cheeky grins, their contagious giggles and their ability to melt your heart while driving you insane. But toddlers are also pretty gross. Let's face it, who else publicly showcases their worst habits without a care?
The list is endless.
Ahh, yes, the nose mining cherubs. Those little ones who spend the majority of their time digging for gold nuggets. Or something similar, only not so gold.
No matter how many times their little fingers are removed by us well meaning (and embarrassed) parents, their determination to continue their excavation is relentless. Like moths to a flame, they can't help but keep going back.
Removed 'gold' is then distributed according to their mood. Wiping on furniture, walls or you are pretty common, as is, of course, eating it. Hmm, yum yum.
In a similar vein to nose mining, this is another habit that makes the stomach turn.
It's a process that, unlike packing away toys, is followed through with precision and focus. The picking is usually accompanied by a commentary. Like boogers, the offending scab is then disposed of who knows where or, , eaten as a crunchy munchy snack. Cue sick bucket again.
When you're a toddler, if you've got a scratch, you've just gotta itch it, right? Even if it's in, on or around your bum. Delving little fingers will delight in relieving that scratch. No public place is off limits.
Like everything, trying to deter a toddler from doing this is akin to running up the down escalator. You can give it a good crack (no pun intended), but you'll likely never get ahead. Hand wash at the ready mums.
Drinking dirty water
Sometimes when thirst takes hold, you head to the nearest available water source and drink. And toddlers, quite literally, do.
A dirty puddle, a dog's bowl, or even, dare I say it, a toilet are all good sources for quenching that thirst. As far as our little ones are concerned, water bottles are overrated and oh so boring. Building immunity is good for the body and soul…or, at least we have to keep telling ourselves.
Eating off the floor
There's no three second rule with our robust eating machines. A minute, two minutes, or more. It's irrelevant. In fact, like curry, some things are best eaten the next day.
Toddlers have an inbuilt GPS for homing in on ANYTHING on the floor that looks remotely edible. Nothing is off limits, including dog poo and cigarettes (talking from experience). And if they can't eat it, they'll just give it a lick.
Eating from the dog bowl – along the same vein, comes eating from the dog bowl. Those tempting biscuits are just the right size for little hands and mouths. And wet food is oh so squishy and yum.
For our darlings, eating with a friend has never been so much fun. Not too sure that dogs agree.
Wiping snot on you
Yes, we've all been there. Heading out looking wonderful, dressed in our 'snail trail' top/skirt/pants.
Toddlers revolt against wet wipes, tissues or even kitchen towel. Instead, they prefer the softer, more gentle nature of your clothes on their wittle wittle noses for their green streaming snot.
Of course, not everything toddlers do is gross, and they're all phases that pass. In the meantime, if you see a snot-covered mum with a nose mining, bum scratching little one, it's likely she's given up the fight.
Pick your battles I say, and let toddlers pick theirs….noses and bums that is.