"I'm not cut out for this," says father-of-two Mike Julianelle. "It's day two of my summer as a stay-at-home dad and I've already lost it on my kids."
In a post to Instagram, the New York dad and blogger known as Dad and Buried, explains that he's currently the stay-at-home parent to his sons, "Detective Munch", 8, and "The Hammer",2.
And he's struggling.
"I don't want to be a stay-at-home parent," Julianelle writes. "I don't want to have to find ways to fill my kids' days all summer. I don't want to plan, I don't want to pack stuff, I don't want to herd them places, I don't want to go places."
Explaining that he doesn't have the temperament, the patience or the interest, Julianelle adds: "I also don't have a choice".
"Circumstances being what they are, and summer being what it is, someone has to stay home with my kids all day," he continues, adding that his wife, Heather, has done it for years. "Now she's working and I'm not, so I'm back in the saddle," he writes. "Reluctance (and unsuitability) aside, I have no choice but to get better at it."
Julianelle, who has over 80,000 followers on Instagram, admits that despite how stressed he is feeling, his kids don't deserve a dad who's "grumpy and frustrated before the day has even begun".
"Summer is sacred," he notes. "And it's usually Mom and Buried's territory. But it's on me now."
And while Julianelle shares that he and his wife might not be able to send the kids to camp or take them on "fancy trips", that doesn't mean there aren't things to do.
"It's on me to do them," he continues. "More than that, it's on me to do them with a smile on my face. Or at least without constantly yelling at them."
Adding that while thing might not be going so great just yet, he says: "there's nowhere to go but up!"
"This is one of the primary challenges of parenting. Not letting your grown up stress impact your kids' childhood innocence" Julianelle writes. "We all have struggles, and sometimes the toll they take is going to manifest itself, often in ways you don't even realise."
But there is a silver lining.
"I guess the good news is: I do realise it. Which makes it even more crucial that I manage it, and do whatever I can to prevent my kids from catching on.
"I've gotta fake it until *they* make it. But what else is new?"
Doing stuff with your kids is like going to the gym: you don’t want to have to do it, and you don’t enjoy it *while* you’re doing it, but once you’ve actually done it? You feel like a million dollars.— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) July 17, 2019
The 42-year-old, who notes, "don't worry, I don't hate my kids. I just hate parenting", often shares the raw truth of raising young kids.
Despite my kids going at each other’s throats all morning, I somehow haven’t had enough high-pitched screaming yet today, so we’re taking them to a crowded public pool to make sure I get my fill.— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) July 14, 2019
His views, however, have been polarising.
"'I've been a stay at home dad for over 7 years. It never gets easier. I've never had the luxury of a fulltime or part-time job during these years for a break," said one father. "This post made me realise that men, including myself, are just weak and choose to bitch and complain. Hes not a hero or brave for admitting the truth. That's easy. The hardest part is keeping your mouth shut and not saying anything at all."
"Mate. Come on. A lot of men spend thousands just to spend any time with their kids and here you are whingeing about it like it's a chore," said another.
Others applauded his honesty.
"As another stay-at-home parent who can't work right now and wasn't built to be a stay at home parent, I feel this in my bones. You're not alone!" one commenter wrote.
"Thank you for sharing this, you are helping the rest of us to be better parents through your honesty," shared another. "I love that you make me feel that I'm not alone in not wanting to be a stay-at-home parent.