Husband confesses he wants to get a secret vasectomy: 'I know to my very core that I don't want any more'

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The decision to not have any more children is a big one - and it can sometimes cause tension between couples if they aren't on the same page.

One father-of-two has found himself in this pickle, writing into The State's Parenting advice column saying he wants to get a vasectomy but every time he brings the subject up with his wife, "she won't let me do it!"

His solution is to get a "secret vasectomy" - without telling his wife.

"I am the proud father of two awesome kids and I'm married to a great woman who is a wonderful mother," the man wrote. "I am a lucky man; I know it. We're a happy family.

'While I love my children, I know to my very core that I don't want any more.

"I'm not sure if she actually wants a third, but I've brought up scheduling a vasectomy multiple times, and she won't let me do it! 

"She says it's too final, that she's not ready to 'close that door,' but I kind of feel like the fact that I am definitely ready to close that door means it just needs to be closed, regardless of whether she wants that or not."

If he was hoping to be given the green light for the plan to go behind his wife's back to get the procedure, the man would have been disappointed.

The Slate's columnist Michelle Herman told the man it's not his place to make a decision for himself and his wife when it comes to something as big as not having any more children.


"If you and your wife ever get to the point where she feels certain she does want another child and you continue to be certain you don't, that's a different kind of discussion," she continued, warning him 'that might be a marriage-ending one.'

"But at this point, if your wife isn't ready to totally commit to two-and-done, you don't get to pull the plug if she has already asked you not to."

Herman added it might just be the thought of making such a final decision that's holding his wife back from saying yes to a vasectomy.

"It's possible, too, that she's thinking about how if something happened to the children you have, she'd want to have options," she added, acknowledging it's a morbid thought so she may not want to bring it up with him.  

"Another morbid thought: Maybe she's thinking that if something happened to her, she'd want you to have options with someone else."

Rather than take matters into his own hands, Herman suggested the man: "Be patient. Be supportive. And double down on birth control."