'He just said no': dad refuses to let newborn wear hand-me-downs

Photo: Getty Images
Photo: Getty Images 

A woman has taken to reddit to ask if she's in the wrong for being upset at her husband who won't let their baby wear hand-me-down clothes.

The clothes were sent to her by her mum, who was struggling with not being able to be a part of preparing for the arrival of her new granddaughter because of COVID-19 restrictions.

"So my mom lives a few states away and is not able to help prepare for her first grandchild the way she'd like to unfortunately," she explained.

"A friend of hers asked her if I'd like some baby clothes, some slightly worn and some never used before. I said of course! And my mom went through all the clothes and washed it and mailed it to me."

But when she received the clothes her husband wasn't happy and it really hurt her feelings.

"So when we received the box of clothes I was pretty excited to go through it as we haven't bought anything baby related yet, as I mentioned this is my husband and my first child," she said.

"I think I showed him maybe two pieces of clothing and I could already tell he was unhappy. He said we'd just donate all this stuff to goodwill because he wanted to buy all new clothes for our baby to which I said ofc (of course) we will still buy new clothes but it's nice to have a good amount of clothes, especially since they go through clothes like crazy, or so I've heard anyway. 

"He just said no, that his child won't wear hand me downs so I stopped showing him clothes and started packing up the box."

He couldn't understand why she was upset with his decision.


"I know it's not new clothes but my mom was just trying to help and she literally went through the mountain of clothes and washed every single item. The box smelled amazing when I opened it!" she said.

"Idk...it hurt my feelings honestly for him to dismiss it like that and just say we'd donate it all without even taking the time to look through it and I guess because this is the first time we look at baby stuff together it hurt even more? 

"He got upset then saying he didn't understand why I was making him "the bad guy" for saying he wants to buy all new clothes."

People were quick to let their views be known with many taking the side of the soon-to-be first-time mum, with many of them saying the dad's refusal was "ridiculous". 

"There are so many reasons why having hand me downs is great for babies. I see environmental impact mentioned a lot, but also for many day to day practical reasons. There's the matter that they grow out of it. There's also the matter that they need to be changed A LOT. Spit up? Drooling? Spilling food? Diaper mess? There have been days that I went through five onesies in a day. So unless you want to be doing laundry every single day you want to have enough clothes. Buying them all new would be so expensive," this person said.

"Given that any outfit has a pretty good chance of being stained in a sh**spolsion and completely ruined, go used instead of spending money on all new outfits. The baby is not going to care. My daughter spent a most of her first year in my son's hand me downs and survived," one of the other readers said.

Some people questioned the husband's poor treatment of his wife's feelings.

"This seems like a red flag... It's manipulative and also gas lighting. You weren't upset with him for wanting to buy new clothes you were upset because he completely shut you down and made it seem like your used clothing was not good enough for his baby. He got caught being a dick about this and decided to turn it onto you and make it about him being upset," one person said.

This person had an interesting viewpoint: "The only thing OP (she) should have done differently was maybe talk to husband before. Dad maybe had that dream of buying the first baby clothes together with her, choosing and imagining how it would be, and OPs mom sending them before they had the chance to do that may have hurt him, which is understandable (even though his reaction still isn't ok)."

While this person said it sounds like he doesn't know just how many clothes a newborn goes through each day: "You are going to be so thankful for all those clothes when they need an outfit change like six times a day! What your mom did was so kind and thoughtful. She sounds like she's going to be an amazing grandma."