A woman who proposed to her partner at her twin sister's baby shower can't see why her sibling is now angry with her. So she called on redditt to help work out if she or her sister are the biggest a***ole. As it turns out, she is.
You see at the heart of the issue is her family's refusal to support her same-sex relationship. She wanted to show her family just how important her girlfriend was to her and let them share in her big moment.
"My sister and I are twins (25). She has a husband and now is having a child. I'm in a lesbian relationship and have been with my partner for nearly a year," the woman explained.
"My sister is borderline homophobic and has never made the effort with my partner. She always refers to her as my friend and that it's not possible to love somebody of the same sex," the woman wrote.
"Anyway she had her baby shower last week and there was most of our family there. After she got most her gifts I proposed to my girlfriend. I've been planning this for around 2 months and decided I wanted to do it at my sister's baby shower as a way to show off my partner and how much I love her."
Despite her girlfriend saying yes, it was an awkward disaster.
"Anyway my sister was really rude to me and my parents weren't happy, but supported my decision," she said.
"My sister then texted me and said how disrespectful and f**ed I am to marry my 'dyke friend' at her baby shower.
"She still is furious at me but I don't see anything wrong with it. AITA (Am I the A***ole)?"
And reddit commentators were unanimous. Yes, her family were misguided and hurtful for their homophobic views, but she had definitely done the wrong thing – to her sister and her partner.
"Your sister absolutely sucks for being a homophobe, but for this situation it's about you choosing to propose at her event to spite her," one person wrote.
"What a nice way for your fiancé to remember her proposal. Instead of making it about your relationship, you used her as a prop to spite your sister," said another.
While this person said: "I feel so sad for her partner. Imagine being used that way. Nothing special or intimate to them as a couple. Just used a major milestone as a way to stick it to her relative. Gross. Selfish. Rude."
And this woman wrote: "I'm a lesbian and even I would have been upset if my girlfriend proposed to me at a family member's baby shower/birthday/bachelorette party etc," she wrote.
"Whether they were homophobic or not doesn't even matter. I have very strong feelings about respecting when a celebration is not about me, and that baby shower was about your sister. Besides, I could name 50 better places to propose on the spot that would have been better than your sister's shower. If you wanted it be a 'statement' for your family. You should have done it at your own birthday or your partners."
Many people also questioned if this was the best way to change her sister's outdated views.
"How incredibly inconsiderate and rude. The homophobia thing is horrible too but that's one way to not turn a bigot," one person said.
"Sister is TA (the a**hole) for being homophobic, but even if she wasn't it would be an a**hole move to propose at her baby shower. It probably reinforced her homophobic beliefs," said another.
And this person summed it up perfectly: "I can understand why you would want to make a point to your homophobic sister, but this was not the way to do it. That's like wearing a long white gown to a wedding."