Ladies and Gentlemen, I know it's only January but I'm calling it.
The weirdest, and most unnecessary, gender reveal trend of 2019 is already upon us - and the end of the world is clearly nigh.
Because back street burnouts and wildfires costing billions of dollars in damage are obviously so 2018, the latest way to announce whether you're expecting a boy or a girl is with lasagna, helpfully dyed a fetching shade of turquoise or pink.
What the fork?
Take a look:
Villa Italian Kitchen is the restaurant chain behind this Crime Against Pasta, announcing their gender reveal package on Facebook on Wednesday morning. "Celebrate your family's new addition with our catering package which includes a cheese lasagne with a pink or blue interior."
A pink or blue interior ... just try to hold us back.
But the gender reveal experience doesn't stop at dyed lasanga innards. Expectant parents also receive (undyed) garlic rolls and salad to celebrate the sex of their bub.
According to the press release, the lasagnes will create a "delicious memory" for new parents to cherish - a delicious memory that costs a cool AU $195.
"Each lasagna is made-to-order from pasta imported from Italy, a classic Italian Alfredo sauce, creamy ricotta cheese and melty mozzarella. The Gender Reveal Lasagna is sure to be the talk of any party – once the new parents cut into the lasagne and reveal either pink or blue dyed cheese, everyone in attendance can celebrate the family's new addition with a hearty meal!"
Yeah, look, I'm still stuck on the "dyed cheese bit."
Why does lasagna need a gender reveal? https://t.co/XkfIA8gLTt— josh (@geejmasterflex) January 22, 2019
Pink or blue cheese? Too complicated...and gross.— Hil.i.am (@hilaryluros) January 22, 2019
Instead, just do a regular lasagna. When you cut it open, if it has zucchini inside, the baby is a boy. Otherwise, it’s a girl.
And, because I know some wisenheimer will reply, asking about twins, do one lasagna per baby. https://t.co/fjKiad3CV5
Signs of the apocalypse: There is something called the "Gender Reveal Lasagna" with "a secret pink or blue interior" from a company in New Jersey, and it's hard to fathom who thought we needed this product. #igetpitches— Laura Compton (@lauracompton) January 22, 2019
I'm so mad at the gender reveal lasagna you can't even imagine— Justine Peres Smith (@redroomrantings) January 22, 2019
Just got a PR pitch in my inbox for "Gender Reveal Lasagna?!" pic.twitter.com/ZL7tbMZzeU— Sara Gregory (@saragregory) January 22, 2019
Others, however, chose to see the positives, using the cheesy mess to start a broader conversation about sex and gender.
A regular old lasagna seems a pretty good way to reveal that gender is a multilayered construct, no?— Dr. Joanna Scutts (@JC_Scutts) January 22, 2019
The only value asinine stuff like gender-reveal lasagna has is in the symbolic act of destroying gender by consuming it— Whose Lexi Is It Anyway? (@TabletopGamera) January 22, 2019
If we're looking at the positives, I suppose another pro is that, unlike suburban street burnouts and the use of explosive targets containing Tenorite, police are unlikely to be called to these gender reveal parties. Although they probably should be ... because as one commenter pointed out, not even Garfield would touch this lasagna.
And that's saying something.