Midwife spoils mum's gender surprise

"It was just disappointingly anticlimactic."
"It was just disappointingly anticlimactic." Photo: Shutterstock

Whether you find out during an ultrasound or in the delivery room when bub is placed in your arms, discovering your baby's gender is a special moment for parents. 

For one mum, however, the moment was spoiled by a midwife who spilled the beans during a routine appointment - and she's not happy about it.

Redditor, exhaustedinor, posted about her experience in the reddit forum "Baby Bumps", writing, "It's silly but I'm disappointed!" The mama, who is expecting her second child, explained that with their first baby, she and her partner found out the gender at the "anatomy ultrasound".

But this time around, she wanted it to be different.

"I'm living closer to family," she wrote, "and we decided to have a little gender reveal." Wanting to be surprised at the reveal herself, the mum had the technician write the sex down for her. 

But the surprise was short-lived.

The following day, the woman attended a midwife appointment. "I SHOULD have opened the appointment with 'I don't know the gender yet please don't tell me!'" she wrote, adding that she simply didn't realise she'd have to do that. "Why should she assume I know?!" the mum wrote. "People decide to be surprised all the time."

During the appointment, the mum continued, the midwife "just started using pronouns all nocholant."

And just like that, she found out she was having another little boy.

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"I love being a mama to a boy," the woman wrote, adding that there's no "gender disappointment". But while she's thrilled that her little boy will have a brother, she says the reveal was "disappointingly anticlimactic."

The mum shared that although there's a silver lining, extra bonding time with her bub before anyone else finds out, she's still feeling upset.

"I'm trying to be fine with it," she writes, "but am I dumb for being kinda sad?"

The overwhelming verdict from redditors was "no!", with other mums also sharing their own gender-reveal woes. 

Said one mum, "When I called for my Harmony results, the nurse said "everything looks normal, and do you want to know the girl - I mean the gender?" she continued. "I did want to know, but I wanted to find out with my husband. Can't imagine how you're feeling wanting that to be a surprise!"

Another woman shared that she has her own strategy to ensure she doesn't find out her baby's sex. "I'm sure people think I'm nuts," she wrote. " But I open any phone call or appointment with, 'I don't want to know the gender.'"

One commenter suggested that the ultrasound technician was also partly to blame for the mishap. "My understanding is they usually don't include it in your chart at all if you weren't finding out," she wrote. "So I think this is also kind of on the ultrasound people." 

But she also added that mistakes are bound to happen. "I think when you're asking a medical professional to help with your gender reveal (write your information outside of your chart, seal it in envelope, etc) you're asking them to do something that is outside their actual job duties as a medical professional. Sometimes you're going to get snags there."

Others however, felt that perhaps the disappointed mama was making an assumption - and that the midwife didn't actually know.

"I work in the field and often use he/she inter-changeably because I hate saying 'it'" said one mum. "I also never know the sex unless the parents tell me. It might have just been a coincidence that she used "he" and you're having a boy."

"I'll second this," said another. "I'm also in OB and will often use he or she just because it's weird to call someone else's baby 'it'. I never know the sex though if the family doesn't either, although I don't typically read the anatomy scan report, just the write-up of the history from the OB/midwife."

Despite this, the frustrated mum said she's "pretty sure" she's expecting a boy.

"I actually still haven't looked at the envelope," she said. "It just seemed like a definitive because at our previous appointments she's always been gender neutral. I guess I can keep a little doubt leftover for the reveal."