Justine Davies

Justine Davies

I’m currently 24 weeks pregnant with our first baby and while it’s very exciting I’m not sure whether to tell DH that it’s a girl. What should I do??

DH wants a son. Really, really badly wants a son. And he’s been quite open about his hopes that we’re having a boy throughout the whole pregnancy. Not in a negative “I don’t want a girl” way – once we have the baby I know he will be thrilled no matter what - but he calls my bump his “little man” and keeps telling everyone that he’s sure I’m having a boy. 

The thing is though – I know it’s a girl! We had the 20 week scan and didn’t find out the sex, because DH wants it to be a surprise. But I’m hopeless at waiting for surprises, so I phoned the clinic the next day and asked – and we’re having a girl! 

That’s fine by me, I really don’t mind either way. But I just don’t know whether to tell DH now so that he settles down with the whole “little man” routine in front of our friends or whether to not say anything and let him find out on the day. He really wants it to be a surprise – but he’s talking up the whole “I want a boy” thing way too much. 

What do parents think? Leave it and let him find out on the day, or tell him now? 

Lindi.


Oh jeez, Lindi – I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer here. Maybe it depends on how pro-boy your husband is being? If he’s being seriously out of control and will live to regret (or be severely embarrassed by) what he’s saying, then maybe you should tell him – on the other hand, if he will probably just laugh about all his current “I want a boy” declarations when he meets his beautiful baby girl, then maybe there’s no need. 

For a male perspective on this, I have asked relationship specialist and founder of www.redhotrelationships.com, Bruce Sullivan for some advice…

“This is a problem faced by many couples since the advent of new technology,” he says. “There are though two other questions here that need to be considered.

Firstly, if you both agreed not to find out he may be more anxious that you broke the agreement to wait until birth to discover the truth. Trust is key component of every relationship and I think is the key issue here. Secondly, how are you going to enjoy the rest of your pregnancy living with the internal conflict that now exists?

My advice would be to tell him and how you do it of course is the key. Couples need to have agreements in place about being open and assurances that when you do your partner will respond in a predictable positive way with a view to solving the problem and getting on with your lives together. 

“Honey, I really want tell you about a deal we had that I broke and most importantly I want to be sure that the trust we have in our relationship is preserved... hence this conversation. I have found out the sex of our baby and do you want to know?”

If he does you can tell him and both get used to the fact that your beautiful little girl is on the way and if doesn’t then you can have some fun together enjoying the pregnancy.

The key is that with whatever he chooses, you have done what you can to ensure that the trust is preserved in your relationship.

EB Members: Keep the secret or tell? What is your advice for Lindi? Comment on Justine's blog.