Why I'll never throw away my positive pregnancy tests

Photo: Shutterstock
Photo: Shutterstock 

It's amazing what you find when you're packing to move house.

I'm right in the thick of it and when I went to clean out the dreaded drawer next to my bed – the place I just shove things I have no idea where to put – I found three of the most wonderful surprises.

I found the three original pregnancy tests that I peed on, to discover that I was pregnant with each of my three children.

They are not all of the pregnancy tests I've ever peed on. I've peed on heaps more. But these were the ones I first saw the double lines appear. The ones I marvelled at and took out to my husband with a mixture of pure joy, excitement, relief and fear.

They signify new beginnings.

We have three beautiful girls. We are very lucky and extremely grateful. The significance of that isn't lost on me.

Our eldest is about to turn 11-years-old, our middle child is nearly 10 and our youngest nearly eight. That's a long time to keep pregnancy tests in your drawer.

And the crazy part is we have moved house before, so this is the second time I've packed the little sticks, with the faded lines, and taken them with me to a new home.

Logic tells me I don't need the pregnancy tests anymore, but my heart says otherwise.

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Those three plastic sticks remind me of that feeling you get when you find out your pregnant with a child, you so desperately want.

It reminds me of the moment you scramble to unwrap the test, and work out which end to wee on. It reminds me of the moment you miss and warm wee squirts out on your hand and you feel repulsed, yet giddy with anticipation.

It reminds me of wanting something so bad your heart beats out of your chest and the tears well up. "Please let me pregnant this time, please let me pregnant", you repeat over and over in your head.

It reminds me of the times you were not pregnant when you so wanted to be - the disappointment that cuts you so deeply.

It reminds me of how lucky you are and how you must always feel grateful. Of how you must always feel understanding to those who dream and hope, with their whole existence to feel the same.

It reminds me of the most special moments of my life – of when I discovered I was going to be a mum for the first, second and third time.

As I rummaged through the drawer of phone chargers, stashed chocolate wrappers, emergency cash, note pads and receipts, and I came across those three pregnancy tests I knew immediately that I would pack them again and take them onto our next home.

They would always travel with me as a constant reminder of love.

Three plastic sticks, in itself nothing remarkable, but the outcome is a miraculous reminder of how awesome our bodies can be.

I've shown my three girls the tests, placed them in their hands and told them I peed on them. And then laughed so hard when they recoiled. One day those sticks will mean so much more to them, now they're just gross.

I'll never throw those sticks away and one day my girls might have their own.

My beautiful girls, who became a reality for me the moment I saw those lines appear.

Three of the best moments of life.