Is it inappropriate for my husband to want to name our daughter after his late ex-girlfriend?
That's the question one frustrated mum has posed in a Reddit thread ahead of the birth of her twins - and the answer was a resounding YES.
"So we're expecting a boy and a girl and my husband and I just said 'hey since there's two of them we'd just both choose a name and roll with it'",' the mama-to-be wrote. "I'm naming our son, and my husband is naming our daughter."
Her husband, however, wants to name their daughter after his ex-girlfriend who died in an accident. "[It's] sweet in concept but I'd rather not have my daughter named after a previous lover regardless of whether she passed away or not," the poster writes. "My husband's been pretty bitter about it and he's sticking by the name, but I just find it a bit inappropriate."
The pair already preserve her memory by visiting the cemetery, she notes, adding that she's also mindful to give her husband space on his ex's birthday. " Of course I have no control over his emotions nor would I want to, " she writes. "And in total the relationship only lasted about 11 months but it did have an impact on him since she was able to comfort him through many awful things that happened in his life at that time."
The poster also shared that she's happy to use the moniker as her daughter's second name. "It's a nice name, but her first name definitely seems like overkill," she says. "If our kids accompany us to the cemetery on her death anniversary at any point it would be an uncomfortable situation," she notes, adding that the woman was still an ex when she passed away."
Redditors were quick to reassure the woman that she wasn't being unreasonable - not one little bit.
"You shouldn't have to be subjected to reminders of his past flame as a daily occurrence," one commenter said. "There are plenty of other ways to pay respects to her other than bestowing her name to your child."
"Try naming your boy after an ex boyfriend and see how he feels about that," said another.
"You're carrying twins for 9 months and he wants to name her after his ex??" added another.
In an update, the poster explained that she shared some of the concerns from the discussion with her husband and agreed they wouldn't use his former partner's name.
"After a very long discussion with him and bringing up points from this comment thread she won't be named for his ex," she wrote. "He broke down and began to talk about how she affected him and her impact on his life which I understand but it seems like it's too much at this point, especially considering he would definitely choose favourites with her, and telling our daughter she'd be a living memorial for someone that dumped her father would be uncomfortable."
The poster added that she was going to help him seek therapy and would also remove photos of the ex from the house. "[It] personally opened my eyes to just how much of our lives she had become part of especially considering I'd never even met her before she passed," she wrote.
And they even settled on a name they both like.
"Our daughter will be named Agnes based on a song from a band my husband and I both enjoy. So thank you everybody! Blessings."