In a classroom 12 years from now the teacher does roll call.
Teacher: "Missy Winterbottom Cherry?"
The little lass dubbed L-A (Ladasha) the other week will surely run into trouble.
Teacher: "Benson? Hedges?"
"Yep, and yep."
This may sound ridiculous, but scenes like this are coming to a classroom near you, judging by the stupid names some Australians are giving their children.
One happy couple taking their new twins home from Perth's King Edward Hospital not long ago announced to staff that twin one was to be known as Benson, and twin two Hedges. Seriously.
You may scoff, thinking that the parents were playing a joke on the midwives who had helped bring their bundles of joy into the world. But that's not always the case.
Whether the parents who said they'd name their twins Blaze and Nitro went ahead and made it official, we'll never know. Apparently those who chose Jack and Daniel for their babies names went through with it. As did the parents whose twins are called Shaun and Sean. The mother who named her kid Seven clearly didn't see sense.
The number of names we won't know how to pronounce is going to grow. Wildly. The little lass dubbed L-A (Ladasha) the other week will surely run into trouble.
It has become a celebrity trend to name your kid after a place - Alicia Keys just named her baby Egypt - but L-A? With the added bonus of a hyphen? The land of vacuous celebrity... well I guess it works.
Speaking of celebrity, Perth parents are keen to name their kids the same as those crazy celeb couples, with plenty of Cruzs, Shilohs, Violets and Harlows on the way to kindergarten in a few years time.
A Christina Aguilera fan took this to another level, naming her daughter Xtina after the singer with a big voice.
A few years ago when I was the young reporter at a country paper charged with taking pics of new babies and their mums in the hospital, I was amused to find how many people in Albany were naming their kids after hip shaking Shakira. It was unbelievable.
My personal favourite from recent times in Perth was Rocket Romance, the name a young boy went home from the hospital bearing. He's in for a world of pain.
Midwife legend has it that a couple in New Zealand wanted to call their kid 4real because when they had an ultrasound that's what they kept repeating, like Antoine Dodson from the projects.
Someone with some sense at the New Zealand births registry knocked that idea on the head. So they decided to call him something that made much more sense. Superman.
Who knows how many ridiculous names get knocked back by our local naming authority.
Western Australia's Births, Deaths and Marriages department won't allow parents to lodge obscene names or those deemed too dumb, but keeps those names knocked back a secret. Unfortunately.
Check out EB's Baby Names section, there's thousands of names to choose from!