Top toddler settling tips

• Pinky McKay
• July 1, 2008
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Toddler

Your toddler's delaying tactics at bedtime - needing a drink, one more kiss, a lost toy - are her way of saying, 'I really want you to stay with me.' From a toddler's perspective, it may be difficult to relax and fall asleep if she feels stressed about being left in her room alone, especially if she can hear adults having fun (talking, watching television) in another part of the house. 

Consider also if this is the only time of her - and your - busy day that your little one has your undivided attention. If this is the case, try to spend more one-on-one time with her during the day so her needs aren't so intense at bedtime. If she spends her day in child care, try to have some special time together when you pick her up.

A consistent bedtime routine with specific rituals is important to enlist your toddler's co-operation and help him feel secure. If your child seems especially clingy at bedtime, one way to help him is to tell him the story of his day so that he can process the emotional ups and downs and 'let them go'.

Once your toddler is closer to three, you can begin setting limits at bedtime by telling him how many stories you will read before you start and to minimise delaying tactics and calling out, try to anticipate his needs: before he gets into bed, let him get his toys in order and perhaps choose a soft toy to sleep with, place a lidded cup of water within his reach (juice is not good for tiny teeth) and, before you settle down to read, ask him, 'what is the one last thing you need to do before stories?' Help your child stay in bed until he is sleepy by sitting in his room with him.

If you have things you need to do or you are moving to the next stage of helping your child get to sleep by himself (he will probably need to be close to three years or older before this will work), you could tell him that you will check on him in five minutes (or two or three minutes if this is more realistic at first). It is important to keep this promise so that he relaxes, knowing you will be back soon. As you check on him, give him a kiss and leave again for another five minutes. If he gets up, try not to yell or you will wake him up even more. Simply take him by the hand, lead him back to bed and tuck him back in then, in a calm voice, tell him you will check on him in five minutes (or sit with him until he is settled before leaving him for the next five minute period). Continued...

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From a toddler's perspective, it may be difficult to relax and fall asleep if she feels stressed about being left in her room alone.