Kathy Lette

Melina Cruickshank chats to Kathy Lette, a writer of a number of bestselling books.

Writer and mother Kathy Lette grew up in Cronulla and spent her early life hanging out with the surfer boys. She says she was pretty wild. "I drove my parents mad. I ran away from home when I was 16. I was Attila the Teenager." She shot to fame in her teens with the publication of Puberty Blues, which was a huge success in Australia and was eventually made into a movie.

Now living in London with several best-sellers on her shelf, she is married to human-rights lawyer Geoffrey Robertson and has two children. She chats to Essential Baby about the difference in her childhood (barbies, beaches and surfers) to her own children's (art galleries and theatre) and how motherhood inspires her writing.

Kathy, how many children do you have? What age/sex are they?
My son is called Julius because he was going to be born by caesarean. He wasn?t but it?s such a great name that it stuck.

My daughter Georgie?s name I pulled out of a hat. She was almost called Akubra. He?s now 18 and she?s 16. Obviously I was a child bride.

What has surprised you the most about becoming a mother?
The unconditional love. Although, on second thoughts, there are some conditions. The facts of life question ?where do I come from? can only be answered by their father.  (My answer to the question would be Sydney.)

Do you miss anything about your life prior to having children?
Oh not much?only the champagne saturated all night parties, the Sunday morning yachting, the lie-in?s, a full fridge (teenagers favourite meal is ?seconds?) a full night?s sleep, oh and the lack of stretch marks (before childbirth, I thought the word stretch only went with the word limo).

I would go on but I can?t because of the non-stop sobbing?

How has your relationship with your partner changed since you?ve become parents?
Who?

What is the hardest thing about being a mother?
Even worse than the sleep deprivation is the sex deprivation. Kids are a contraceptive. Every time you go to make love, the baby wakes up or the toddler toddles in.

Although I do have a fantastic sex tip for parents ? Vaseline on the doorknobs. Sounds painful, but they can?t get in!

What are you great at?
Seeing the funny side of things. Whenever I have a fight with my kids, I try to diffuse it with funnies. It?s worked so far? Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and your mascara runs.

What are you terrible at?
Making a space helmet out of old loo rolls at two in the morning for school plays.

What do you think about 'me time'?  Do you practice it, preach it or have you resigned yourself to the fact you?ll play catch up later on?
 Any mother who says she copes all the time is either lying or taking a lot of drugs. No matter how much you love your kids, there are those days when you wish you could shove them back into the condom vending machine for a refund.

I find going for a run, a girls? night out, a long soak in the tub or a little light shoe shopping is much, much cheaper than a nervous breakdown.

What do you find ?drops through the cracks?, no matter how hard you try?
Body maintenance. I?d like to get on that hamster wheel of self improvement, but what with a full time job, cooking dinner each night, locating the lost sports kit, making fairy costumes at short notice and helping with homework (at the moment I?m looking for the square root of the hypotenuse. Hell I didn?t even know it was lost!)

I?m juggling so often I could get a job in the Moscow State Circus. Fathers say they?d like to help more around the house only they can?t multi task. Although - I bet they?d have no trouble multi tasking at, say, AN ORGY.

You grew up in the southern suburbs of Sydney and famously wrote about the iconic Australian surf culture in Puberty Blues. What key differences do you see in your children and the way you were at their age?
 When I was a teenager, girls were little more than a life support system to a pair of breasts. And the boys had a three grunt vocab of ?nah, dunno and errrgh.?

My new novel is set back in Cronulla, but from the parental point of view ? Parental Blues if you like. And I?m pleased to report that the young women have so much more confidence. And the boys are more emotionally articulate.

Mind you, the double standards regarding sex still exist. A sexually active male is still described as a stud, a Romeo, a love god. A female with the same sexual appetites as a male is still seen as a slut, a tramp, a moll. Any woman who calls herself a post feminist has kept her wonder bra and burnt her brains.

As an Australian living in the UK, how do you feel about the cultural difference is your children?s lifestyle?
When my kids were little I subjected them to endless tapes of Australian Play School in the hope of flattening their vowels. It was the opposite of elocution. But I?m afraid they?ve both undergone a vowel transplant.

The biggest difference culturally is that here you must conquer the ?Great Indoors?. Its art galleries and theatres as opposed to beaches and barbecues. But we get back to Oz at least once a year to have a little of both.
 
Your work is creative. How conducive is writing to motherhood?
Any mother who finishes a novel should get the Booker Prize just for finishing because it?s so much harder for us.

If I get half an hour in between stopping my son from disappearing up the stairs with the math tutor between his teeth, or taking my daughter to the dentist ? I write then.

As a mother, where do you find your influences?
I cannibalize my own life. And children have been a great source of material for me.

Foetal Attraction is about the horrors of natural child birth (a case of stiff upper labia.)

Mad Cows is about the boredom of raising toddlers (sometimes I was so bored Doing Creative Things With Playdough that I could see my plants engaging in photosynthesis).

To Love, Honour and Betray describes the teenage trials (teenagers are God?s punishment for having sexing the first place).

So even though motherhood slows you down - for every baby you lose about four books - the books you DO write are probably better thanks to the wealth of material kids provide. Although I would add that low self esteem is hereditary?you get it from your children!
 
Have there been times when you?ve considered giving up your work to become a full time mum?
I could never stop writing. Believe me, I only write because it?s cheaper than therapy!
 
What milestones are happening with your children this year?
I may drive my daughter mad, but I also drive her everywhere, so she?s got to be nice to me! But I will lose this last bargaining chip later this year when she gets her L plates.

My son is at school in America. It?s his first time without me and the umbilical cord is stretched to twanging point. I suppose I?m anxious because I might just find out that perhaps I need him, more than he needs me?

What is one thing you want to pass onto your children?
To my daughter ? learn to stand on your own two stilettos. Don?t wait to be rescued by some Knight in Shining Armani. And, if you do marry, love and respect your husband ? but get as much as you possibly can in your own name!

To my son, there is only one answer to her question ?does my bum look big in this?? No. 

Don?t sweat the small stuff. And NEVER STOP LOVING YOUR MOTHER.

Kathy, finally a question all mums must face - what are you feeding your children for dinner tonight?
Tonight, I?m going to dial my finger to the bone ordering take away. They?ll be thrilled as I tend to use my smoke alarm as a timer!

I don?t believe in trying to be the perfect mother. Just remember that perfect mothers only exist in American sitcoms. Any mother who says she copes all the time, is either lying or taking a LOT of drugs!  

Happy Mother's Day.

Kathy Lette?s latest best seller is To Love, Honour And Betray (Till Divorce Us Do Part) and concerns a forty-something woman who is facing life as a single-parent divorcee. It is a Number One best seller in Australia.

Read more Essential Baby Mum-in-Profiles articles.