Fatherhood

"From the moment of conception, men go from 'best actor' to 'best actor in a supporting role'." New dad Paul shares an honest, must-read tale of modern fatherhood.

As Paul's wife Nic became pregnant with their first baby and then went on to suffer multiple miscarriages in coming years, Paul reevaluated his role - as a father-to-be, as a support for his wife, and as a man. An honest, compelling tale of modern fatherhood.

Up until fairly recent times the whole job of being a parent was secret women's business. Sure, fathers have always been around and have always had a role to play. But it is only our parents' generation that has changed the role of a father from being the 'boss of the family', 'the breadwinner' and 'the disciplinarian' into something far more rewarding and uplifting. I am not saying that fatherhood is equal to motherhood now (Mum will almost always be number one as far as children are concerned) but at least we can now feel that we are part of the parenthood team, working together to make our own little contribution to evolution. We are now Mum's 'wingman'.

Fathers became relegated to 'Best actor in a supporting role'. But of course this wonderful revolution in the role of fatherhood does have its own problems. We hear so often in the media about the difficulties of being a modern mother; women trying to balancecareer and family. However, fathers also have their own 'clash of civilisations' to deal with. From the moment of conception we are relegated from being the 'best actor' to 'best actor in a supporting role'. This does take some getting used to and I know from my own experience (I practice primarily in family law) it is a sad truth that having children is one of the leading causes of marital breakdown. Fortunately my story has a happy ending (at least it has so far) although it did take a while for me to get there.

I had it all mapped out
I am someone who plans and is very logical. I thrive in an environment where there are rules with predictable outcomes. In that way I am a typical male - we compartmentalise. I had always planned that I would study hard, get a job, go overseas and at 27 Iwould have sufficient prospects to find the girl who would want to keep me around for a while, marry her at age 30 and have kids. I also figured she would take a year off work, then I would take a year off work; looking after our children before we played 'pass the parcel' sharing the parenting roles with grandparents and other family members. We could still keep our careers burning away. I met my soul mate the day I finished my university studies and was married by the time I was 27. Everything was going swimmingly. Then we decided to start working on having children. I just figured it would be simple as a few rolls in the sack once the pill had worn off, and nine months later the baby pops out. I was sadly quite wrong. Continued...