Finding a great babysitter will benefit your family beyond measure.
The first time we leave our babies with someone other than close family, is always a big step.
As we become more urban, and live and work away from where we grew up, it is harder to pluck teenage girls out of the air or ask close family to take on babysitting duties. Also for many of us, having our children in our 30s and sometimes 40s, our parents can be a bit elderly to ask to stay up til midnight. Increasingly we are finding both nannies and babysitters through more formal networks like nanny agencies and babysitting services. And again, new parents would argue that these carers who have years of experience and have chosen this occupation because they love kids, are more experienced at handling children than we are.
Bringing a stranger into the house may seem a bit odd at first, but with a bit of practice you can become adept at recognising a grandma replacement or an adopted aunty when you meet one. You have to think: “This person is going to be part of my children's lives, I'm going to treat her of him as part of the family.”
Sue, a mother of three, who at one stage had three nannies on the go, invited one of them to live with them for a while because the 20 year old's flatshare was not working out. Of course she then had a babysitter on tap, but she was doing it out of the kindness of her heart. It was a natural gesture and her kids loved it. Families will sometimes become so close to their nannies that they buy them accommodation nearby. Yasmin, a Sydney board director and her husband bought the house next door for their nanny and her partner! They are there for any emergency and have a fantastic relationship with the family.
For a lot of us a full time or part time nanny is an option, particularly if you have more than one child. Before you dismiss the idea as too expensive, more and more families are finding the nanny sharing solution a viable route. This is where you and a friend who have one child each, and hire one nanny between the two of you. The two toddlers get to spend the day together, almost like siblings and you and your friend share the cost of a nanny. The nanny is happy because she gets a slightly higher rate as they are taking care of two children, meanwhile the children are learning about sharing and taking turns.
A lot of families dream of the Mrs Doubtfire ideal, the more mature, grandmother figure, but that may not be what you want.
Belinda, the mother of two girls, has Kate, 37, as her nanny. She had an older woman in her 60s initially when Amy was an infant but switched to Kate when she got to 18 months. “She was fine when Amy was a baby but she could not keep up when she started walking. She was not fit.”
When interviewing for a nanny or babysitter, you need to know what they are like and if their characteristics suit your family. Are they energetic? Are they shy and quiet? Some are very different with adults and children.
Nanny agencies will help you pair up with the right person. Angie Campbell, national manager of Annies Nannies in New Zealand says:“If you have three boys under five who are insanely active we are not going to put someone forward who is a grandma type.
Annies Nannies offers both a nanny and babysitting service and only offers trained nannies for babysitting. Their qualifications help mothers worry a bit less. Some mothers find it hard letting go, says Campbell. “We do have a lot of families on the books who have been living here for a year and never gone out without the children. A lot of women say: “No one ever looked after my children before.” She adds: “We have been so PC with our children that we don't let them get dirty, heaven forfend a complete stranger should look after the children.”
Campbell has some tips about starting with a carer for the first time. The first time she used a babysitter, she just went round the corner to a cafe. It wasn't an occasion where it was crucial she leave at a certain time. She didn't leave immediately after the babysitter arrived. She took her time, not leaving for a good half an hour after her being there.
Mums can upset their children by relaying their concern about leaving them, says Campbell. Some new mothers feel that they just have to ring home while they're out. And Campbell is relaxed about this. “If the Mum is that panicked it's better that they ring than worrying.” She doesn't recommend speaking to the child though.
Sometimes dads will call the agency to arrange a temporary nanny or babysitter for an occasion but usually it's the mother.
“The dads put all the onus of finding the babysitter on the mother. If something goes wrong, it's the mother's fault.” says Campbell. She takes care she includes her husband and the children in all her hiring decisions. Meanwhile she advises getting to know two babysitters who the children are used to. Because babysitting is a casual arrangement, one simply won't be available all the time.
This Christmas may be the first time you have a babysitter – that fabulous party invite has come along and it's too enticing to turn down. Babysitters get booked up well in advance so be organised, warns Campbell.
It can be a good idea to have a babysitter booked regularly, say every second Friday, whether you have something planned or not. That regular contact with your kids is going to make them very comfortable with your carer, and help create that “part of the family” relationship you are hoping for.
Campbell's latest babysitter has been so popular, her younger son was in tears recently because he hadn't seen Emily recently. Campbell had to think up a reason to go out so that the babysitter could come over. She told her: “We don't actually have anything on but we want you to come round.”
One of Emily's attributes is that she brings her own toy box to babysitting jobs. Campbell encourages all her babysitters and nannies to do this – they get their supplies from the local toy library - and of course it goes down extremely well with the children. New stuff!
Another thing Emily did which was a sure indicator that she was good with kids, was she instantly sat on the floor and got down with the children when she first met them, says Campbell.
The mother of two utters the words parents never want to hear. “At the end of the day, children find their parents boring,” she says.
Search for babysitters and nannies in your local area at www.findababysitter.com.au
Discuss babysitting in Essential Baby's Daycare & Nannies forum.
