Mum's hilarious review of 'tit rabbits' goes viral

Photo: Laura Mazza
Photo: Laura Mazza 

It's no secret that breastfeeding can leave your boobs looking a little worse for wear.

That's why, when mum-of-three Laura Mazza stumbled across what she thought was the solution to the "tennis balls in old socks" situation she was facing, she figured she was on to a winner.

She was not, however, onto a winner.

"I think we are all looking for a little Pamela Anderson lifting in our lives," Mazza told Essential Baby, reflecting on her now-viral review of the 'invisible breast lifters' (or, what the Melbourne mum and blogger terms 'tit rabbits').   

"It was nice to know I wasn't the only one whose boobs have succumbed heavily to gravity," she adds.

Mazza's hilarious review has attracted more than 1,500 comments and 1,000 shares on Facebook. And trust us, don't take a sip of coffee before you read it.

"I get the delivery and peel off the protective layer and lift up my meatless lost dreams of hope (my boobs) and apply the tit bunnies to both," Mazza writes in a Facebook post. "Ironing some skin wrinkles (wish I was joking), they held up! They seemed to work! I went from daisy the cow to Pamela Anderson in a matter of minutes."

But the boost was short-lived.

"An hour into my outing, at a very busy venue, wearing a very low-cut top sporting two pushed up cat flaps...I began to feel loose. Suddenly my tit bunnies' ears were hanging forward as they had slipped off, hanging down my top. Looking like I had a stroke, with one perfect looking shoulder boulder and the other looking like a bacon hanger, I tried to press it back onto my chest to reapply it but wouldn't you know. The sticky decided not to be sticky."

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Rushing to the bathroom, the drama only continued.

"I decided I was going to take them off so I wasn't so noticeably uneven, and let my nipple holsters just hang like a couple of monkeys off a tree...except, the left one didn't want to budge. Like at all... I'm in a very busy toilet cubicle trying to rip these things off my Danny Devitos and I can feel my left nipple wanting to peel off with it."

Emitting a roar like she was giving birth, Mazza recalls, "I felt all the hair I'd ever had on my chest and been teased for as a teen was being ripped from my skin and my areolas were being slowly removed like chocolate ripple biscuits ready to be dipped in coffee."

But it wasn't over yet. 

"I got asked if I was okay, and through a tiny cubicle crack I told the lady what was happening," Mazza writes. "She said "I've got tape! I'll help you." 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

A post shared by Laura Mazza BAppSc(Psych) MSW (@themumontherun_) on

What followed was a parade of boob squeezing strangers attempting to stage a rescue.

"They were taking turns, trying to squeeze my boob like a hamburger into these breast bunnies and lift them up like they were deadlifters," she says, adding that she was sticky-taped and sent on her way.

"I partied for a few hours laughing and drinking the night away thinking I had gotten away with a faux pas!"

Not so.

"I got in the taxi, where I exploded out and the stickiness on both boob bunnies released my Mary-Kate and Ashleys like a rubber band pretty much flinging the driver in the face. Never have I ever thrown money so quick at a cabbie and given such a gigantic tip, as I pretty much climbed out of the window and yelled keep the change while trying to hold in my Fetty Waps."

TLDR: They don't work.

Mazza told Essential Baby that she's learnt her lesson and hopes her review helps others from making a tit of themselves, too.

"I was surprised at how many mums and just women in general were wanting to buy it," she said of the bunnies. I guess the key lesson is, don't believe those convincing videos... especially ones with exaggerated faces!

"And stay away from anything sticky when it comes to your nipples!"