Actor and comedian Dax Shepard has given a hilarious recap of the lengths he'll go to get - and keep - his kids asleep.
And in the process, he hurt himself and inadvertently taught his kids to swear.
Appearing on the Ellen DeGeneres Show earlier this week, he spoke about an Instagram photo he shared showing a gash on his nose.
"The worst thing that can happen - if you have kids, you know this - the worst thing of owning them is they wake up so early," he said.
"What do you mean, 'owning them'?" Ellen asked.
"Well, we own a couple of these kids," Shepard said. "We've got a 2013 model and a 2015 ... low miles if anyone's in the market. All highway. They're gorgeous."
Shepard, who is married to actor Kristen Bell, told Ellen he'll do anything to ensure their kids (Lincoln, 3, and Delta, 2) don't wake up too early.
Jokingly, he explained how he goes to extreme lengths to stop light from coming in their bedroom windows. The windows are covered in aluminum foil "like they're meth addicts". He then shoves a towel under the door. "They may suffocate," he said.
The only problem, the room was so dark he accidently ran into a bookshelf with his nose. "Almost blacked out ... I let a couple 'm-f-ers' rip," he said.
Hilariously, one of their kids picked up a new swear word as a result. "Two days later Kristen's walking down the hallway, and Lincoln's in her room trying to get this sweatshirt off - she's like 3 - and her arms are all bound up in it and she's getting frustrated and she goes, 'Ow! F***!""
Instead of reacting, the celebrity couple chose to ignore her swearing in the hope the lack of attention would make her stop. Except it didn't work.
Later at a pool party, Lincoln said it again.
"This pool is f**king warm," Dax said.
They ignored her again and luckily she's stopped, but he said they were impressed she used the swear word correctly.
"Side note, we were like, she's nailing the syntax. She knows that she's using it as an adjective, an adverb. We were proud and she stopped saying it."