There is probably something more productive, healthy or educational to do with your time than scrolling through Chrissy Teigen's social media feed for her inevitable clapbacks.
But more entertaining? Seriously doubtful.
Every week it seems the former Sports Illustrated swimsuit model turned cookbook author turned host of "Lip Sync Battle" must put commenters in their place who dare say something nasty about her or her children.
She serves up hilarious, heaping doses of shut-the-heck up, speaking for all of us who have ever been shamed. She's succinct, with a smarting touch of snark that makes us want to be her best friend.
The only hard part is choosing the best roasts. Someone has to do it. We took on that challenge. Here are our favourites:
'Scroll on by'
Teigen posted a funny photo of herself breastfeeding her then-7-week-old son, Miles, as daughter Luna, 2, held a baby blanket, and she naturally got a reaction. Clad in a towel with a baby doll held to her other breast, she wrote on Instagram, "Luna making me feed her babydoll so I guess I have twins now."
One Twitter user wrote: "Menstruating, childbirth and sex are natural, too, but that doesn't mean I want to see pics of it and/or celebrities like @chrissyteigen taking a bath or nursing. We get it."
Teigen responded that she, too, had things that she didn't care to see shared. But there is a feature specifically for that on social media.
"I don't care to see grainy fireworks, coachella selfies or infinity pool pics but i let people live. calm your (expletive) and scroll on by."
Breast to bottle to burn
People weren't done with the breastfeeding shaming. When she turned to bottle feeding, people had something to say about that, too. Husband John Legend posted a pic of Teigen bottle-feeding then-5-month-old son Miles backstage on "The Voice" on his Instagram.
A fan had the whiff of mum-shaming when asking, "You no longer breastfeed?"
The mum shot back: "John never breastfed Miles." Snort.
Magazine cover 'tips and tricks'
Teigen shared the time she made the cover of Glamour magazine's Women of the Year on Instagram. She found herself in the company of Viola Davis, Kamala Harris and Janelle Monae.
Then someone named Heidi spoke up on Twitter. Seems she thought the cover photo was "awful."
"I know you don't give a damn, but girl if you're to be magazine cover material, make it worth it," Heidi wrote.
This photo of you is quite frankly, awful. At first glance I didn’t recognize you. I know you don’t give a damn, but girl if you’re going to be magazine cover material, make it worth it.— Heidi (@heidikoz1) October 30, 2018
Naturally, Teigen thanked her for the thoughtful advice.
"Thank you, Heidi," she wrote. "in the future I will try harder to be the best cover model. if you could please send me specific tips and tricks (or past covers you've shot for reference!) that would be so awesome."
Girls with round faces ... Teigen with sharp quips
Teigen shared a photo from a 2018 appearance on Andy Cohen's "Watch What Happens Live." One poster couldn't resist sharing a little beauty advice.
"You look beautiful but you should grow your hair long again," the commenter wrote. "Girls with round faces should not have short hair like that. It makes your face look huge. Been there....believe me....LONG HAIR."
An honest friend like that could have saved all of us at least one bad haircut amirite? Teigen thought the same. Not really.
"Honestly wow thank you because when I wake up each morning I wonder what (commenter's Instagram handle) would do and then I try to make her happy so this was a huge mistake on my part."
In defense of in vitro fertilisation
Teigen and Legend have been open about fertility struggles, saying that IVF helped them get pregnant with daughter Luna and later with son Miles.
Some people criticised her decision. She responded the Chrissy way.
One Twitter user asked: "Did you give it a minute to try naturally or are you avoiding 'the act?'"
"Hi Linda, thanks for asking, you complete witch. I tried for about 9 years. Anything else, let me know!"
Hi Linda, thanks for asking, you complete witch. I tried for about 9 years. Anything else, let me know! https://t.co/54e9AvIqQ9— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) January 30, 2017
A diss for dinner out
After having a baby, you should be home with that baby. Every. Single. Minute. At least some people think so. Teigen and Legend stepped out for dinner two weeks after Luna's birth, and that was much too soon. People let the former model know it.
A passive-aggressive inquirer asked, "how's baby Luna?"
She answered: "I dunno i can't find her."
Look mum-shamers, it was a meal out. She wasn't abandoning her daughter, she explained in a tweet.
"I never wanted to leave my daughter, I love her, BUT THAT'S JUST ME."
Baby bump smack down
You can use words like respect and smiley emojis, but Teigen's not buying it.
A twitter user shared a photo from the 2018 Emmys of Teigen and Legend and asked in the "utmost respectful" way if she was pregnant.
"I just had a baby but thank you for being soooo respectful," she responded.
I just had a baby but thank you for being soooo respectful https://t.co/N9ZxZ35Zze— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) September 18, 2018
Wasted on red wine
The author of "Cravings" loves to cook and finds comfort in food. Remember her taking an "emotional support" casserole on a plane?
She cooked up a red wine braised lamb with sweet potato mash for her family and shared it on Twitter. Yum!
red wine braised short ribs pic.twitter.com/593xmCOgag— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) April 23, 2018
Someone was concerned about giving Luna food that contained alcohol. While others in her Twitter feed came to Teigen's defense, saying the alcohol is burned off during the cooking, she chose a more sarcastic response to the since-deleted user.
"Yeah, she gets wasted and sleeps all through the night."
Yeah she gets wasted and sleeps all through the night https://t.co/4nsfPOVEF0— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) April 23, 2018
Fat-shaming doesn't hurt
Teigen shared that she carried some extra weight after the birth of her son in 2018 because she loves food too much. But she added that she was happier than after Luna's birth when she suffered postpartum depression.
So when a Twitter user came for her, saying "chubby needs to get to the gym," Teigen suggested he look in the mirror.
I hate to say this but...you are not a small person? also I don’t care about my weight sooooo this does not hurt.— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) April 16, 2019
"I hate to say this but...you are not a small person? also I don't care about my weight soooo this does not hurt," she wrote.
Part of a plot to prove parent sleep not crucial
Chrissy isn't always clapping back at commenters, but she takes to social media with some slow-clap-worthy parenting zings.
One time she wondered why it is that kids who can barely keep their eyes open fight with everything they have to stay awake.
"My biggest parenting conundrum: why is it so hard to put someone who is already sleepy to sleep," she tweeted.
My biggest parenting conundrum: why it is so hard to put someone who is already sleepy to sleep— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) August 5, 2016
Why the caged baby zings mum
Two months before Luna was born, the mom wrote that it felt like the baby was a prisoner waiting to bust out.
"Does the baby have access to my ribs?" she tweeted. "It fees like they're bars and she's an old timey prisoner with a tin mug."
Does the baby have access to my ribs? It feels like they're bars and she's an old timey prisoner with a tin mug— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) February 19, 2016
Modeling is not racist
Teigen slams the famous too. She and Legend got into some spats with pundit Piers Morgan in 2016. One came after Morgan posted an insensitive tweet after the death of Muhammad Ali.
The Twitter tiff raged for a while until Morgan sarcastically joked that maybe he, too, should become a model.
"Maybe I should take up a proper job, like modelling?"
Teigen responded: "It keeps me nice and not racist so sure, give it a go."
it keeps me nice and not-racist so sure, give it a go.— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) June 6, 2016
Remember, you're packing nappies for two now
After giving birth to Luna, Teigen tweeted in 2016, "no one told me i would be coming home in diapers too."
no one told me i would be coming home in diapers too— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) April 20, 2016
Not relishing that hot dog smell
Sometimes the food lover loved it all too much and she thought she might pull back and consider the type of food she eats and drinks more thoughtfully.
So she turned to her online support group.
"SOBER AND HEALTHY WEEK STARTS NOW," she tweeted. "(I feel like if I tweet this, I'll actually stick to it.) I smell like hot dogs."
I feel like pure garbage. SOBER AND HEALTHY WEEK STARTS NOW (I feel like if I tweet this, I'll actually stick to it) I smell like hot dogs— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) February 6, 2017
Till death do us part and then some
Teigen also has some delightful marriage advice. She and Legend were married in September 2013, and Chrissy made it clear she was Legend's one and only, even if something should something happen to her.
She tweeted just before their first anniversary in August 2014, "I always have a note in my pocket that says "john did it" just in case I'm murdered because I don't want him to remarry. #truelove #tips."
Chrissy you're a legend, but not a Legend ... Why?
For some reason, when Teigen answers a question with a question, it's the funniest response ever. Teigen did this when fans debated why she didn't take her musician/composer husband's name. They venture all sorts of guesses: She has a name. Too much paperwork. She's a professional with a body of work tied to her current name. This isn't the 1950s.
Legend's actual name is John Rogers Stephens.
One fan wanted to know on Twitter, "I'd really like to hear the reasoning behind women who won't take their husband's last name."
She responded with a question: "My husband didn't even take his last name?"
my husband didn’t even take his last name? https://t.co/BMo6OsgcVv— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) March 22, 2018