Resuming sex after pregnancy

sex and pregnancy

The Can do man

Who’s a lucky girl then? Or are you? 

The can do man is up for it, day or night, all the way up to the birth which is fabulous if you actually have a sex drive but a nightmare if sex is the last thing on your mind.  Don Juan or sexual pest....it’s a fine line.

If you are not feeling sexual during pregnancy what are the reasons? Is it a short term thing or has it been going on throughout your pregnancy?

Too tired, feeling unwell, not feeling comfortable with your new body, he’s an annoying slob and you’d rather torture him than pleasure him, worried about the baby, it’s painful?

These are just a few of the reasons that my fellow November birth club BFF’s told me they didn’t feel like having sex.  I’m also reliably informed that for some women sex drive fluctuates between trimesters, others want it all the time and some women just have zero desire for the whole nine months.  

How’s a bloke to know whether you are up for it and if not, why not unless you talk openly about it? Sex, as you know it, will change for the next few years. You’ll have less time, be more tired and genuinely despise each other for short periods of time... sounds sexy doesn’t it. Also... Did you know that every child has an inbuilt a sex alarm? 

Whether it is day or night, you’re in the next room or at the next door neighbours just when you think you can get in a sneaky one your 60 seconds of bliss will be ruined by a high pitched wail from the nursery....the sex alarm.  Expect it, set your wrist watch to it, try to block it out and power through it. If you’re both on heat make the most of it while the flames are still flickering, in 2 minutes from now you could be covered in vomit or poo... always a buzz kill.

A few good reasons to get organised (have sex) while pregnant

  • The increased blood flow to your nether regions can result in things feeling pretty good down there and orgasms can be simply mind blowing! (or so I’m told)
  • Pregnancy brings a great opportunity to re-invent your sex life. For many couples who have been together for some time frequency may have dropped off or it may have become as predictable as Christmas sales.
  • Logistically you need to explore new positions to find what works and what doesn’t and it can also be a great time to re-introduce foreplay and other non-intercourse forms of sexual interaction if they have been on vacation.
  • This is the last time you’ll be just the two of you for at least 18 years. Try and enjoy it as best you can!

Explore the possible reasons for not feeling into sex and ask yourself, “Can we fix it?” 

  • If he’s not making you feel sexy - get him to read this chapter or organise a hot date (preferable with him). Buy some new sexy undies and new dress or top. Look sexy....feel sexy.
  • Sex is painful – experiment with lubrication and mix it up with some extended foreplay. As the advertisements say – see your doctor if pain persists.
  • He’s an annoying slob – trade him in or hire a gigolo (just kidding x2). Explain to him that if he helped out more you wouldn’t be so tired and grumpy and that may lead you to feeling more inclined to have sex
  • Don’t like your new body – I’m yet to meet a man who didn’t describe his pregnant wife as beautiful. Who wouldn’t want to explore you new body? 

If, after reading my inspirational piece above, you are unable or have no desire to have sex then you need to communicate the reason why to him. Will you get upset if he masturbates or looks at pornography? Chances are he’ll be doing one or both if he has an extended period of celibacy.

If he’s doing something wrong – let him know. If it’s something completely unrelated to him explain the problem so he doesn’t feel detached from you. If he’s pouting over not getting any and thinking that it’s the beginning of the end then problems may arise.  

Of course there may be physical reasons that you are unable to have sex and you shouldn’t feel guilty for not wanting it or not being able to have it.  Communication is the key and as long as he knows your reasons and how you feel chances are he will be understanding.