WTF?? OMFG!! BFP !!!!!

For a giggle and a wide eyed look at what is going on behind our collective backs, visit a few of the more popular mums websites like huggies.com.au or essentialbaby.com.au and have a read of the ‘trying to conceive’ community posts. This is where women like your wife are online talking about the trials and tribulations of trying to conceive and generally whinging about you. It will give you a terrific insight into how seriously the girls take this baby making business. You’ll also learn a new language used by pregnant women. Much like hieroglyphics it’s practically indecipherable if you are sporting vas deferens.  Here are some of the modern phrases I have learned in my cyber travels.  In truth, these are a bit like my teenage sexual adventures…a stab in the dark.  I’m not entirely sure, but think I’m fairly close… here goes.

LOL – Laugh out loud

LMAO – Laugh My Arse Off

DH – Dear Husband or Dick Head I’m not sure but I am sure she’s talking about one of us

PG – Pregnant or Please God

BD – Some reference to sex during ovulation window....Bed Down, Be Dicked?? Who knows? Maybe its code for Being Dad – they sure are some great dvds. (www.beingdad.com.au)

TTC – Trying to conceive or This Time you C+nt (probably the first)

OPK’s – I’m guessing is ovulation (pregnancy) kits. I hope so because i can’t think of anything smart for the letter OPK.

BBT - Basal Body Temperature.  Nothing funny about that.

AF – Aunt Flo/period/Menses/Menstruation/Menstrual Cycle

BD – Baby Dance (A term for sex)

BFN – Big Fat Negative A "not pregnant" on a digital test or no double line on a regular test.

BFP - Big Fat Positive on pregnancy test

CD -Cycle Day Cycle day 1 is the first day of your period. I always thought it stood for compact disc!

CM - Cervical Mucus – why??  Please… no.  Neither word is good.  For crying out loud don’t put them together…!

EWCM -- Egg White Cervical Mucus – the obsession with mucous continues!  Probably twice as bad as CM.

FMU-First morning urine (the female equivalent of a PF – piss fat)

O'ING – Ovulating

POAS - Pee on a Stick. I assume pregnancy stick not a stick in the garden where you enjoy peeing

BFP – I cant work this one out so I’m going for Bloody F+cking Period as in ‘I’m not Lol’ing I’ve got my BFP again and am not PG”

CD 36 – Calendar days 36 (since last period). Or maybe that’s her rego number incase someone spots here about to drive off a large cliff.

OMG – Oh My God

TOO – Took me a while to work this one out, but it is just the word “too” in capitals

As a great example of how this baby language operates, have a read of the paragraph below from a very popular website. I have NO idea what this woman is talking about, infact I think she may be possessed. Note the reference to DH...OMG the poor bloke... LMAO.

I have to say ladies, that I agree with NOT trying so hard.  No I'm not a mother, and it's only my third month TTC.  The reason I feel this way is more because of the psychological ramifications that can take place when "trying" so hard.  The first month DH and I were trying, we were very lighthearted about it, no worries, not a huge deal.  Yes I knew when I was ovulating but didn't really do anything else.  Needless to say I didn't get PG BUT the way I handled it was a lot healthier than the way I handled it this month when I went full on charting, OPK, etc. 

When I found out this month that I wasn't PG, I nearly came undone!  Seriously!  I cried b/c I totally convinced myself through "phantom symptoms" that I was definitely pregnant.  Not to mention that I almost threw a shoe at my DH when he was too tired to BD on one of the days during my fertile window!  It just caused too much stress on the both of us and I felt like I was being TOO controlling over the situation.  That being said, when you have sooo much control, and it doesn't work out the way you hoped, you fall harder than if you just left it up to God (as I believe) or to chance or whatever. 

So for me, this will be the last month that I do the OPK, temping, etc.  and then I'll take a break for a little bit.  We won't stop BDing during peak times, but I won't micromanage.  And if you think about it, you'll conceive when you're meant to conceive.. so I'd rather be less stressed during the months or years leading up to it then completely going buck wild with CD counting dpo days, CM checks, early morning temps, etc.  But again, thats just my opinion.  If you can do this everyday and not fall apart each month you get a BFN, then more power to you. 

WOW.....I didn’t know micro manage and pregnancy could be used in the same sentence nor did I think it would be possible to go “buck wild with CD counting dpo days, CM checks, early morning temps, etc” Some times I’m convinced, the less we know the better, lads. 

If there was a male equivalent entry on another website I think it would have read:

“Me and the missus are trying to get pregnant. No joy so far but we’ll just keep rooting....she’ll be right. What about the cricket on the weekend!! ”

... and here it is .. the Essential Baby Dads Zone - your very own area to chat about ... mmm, the cricket!