Did you 'let yourself go' as a new Mum, or did you never have it in the first place?
"It's a shame so many mums let themselves go", mused the young, childless hairdresser attending to my mop last week. "You see them around here all the time in tracksuit pants. It's like they've just stopped making an effort."
Holding my 4-week old baby in my arms, I wondered if she knew how hard it was to just leave the house in vomit-free clothes some days.
The period just after childbirth is very difficult, fashion-wise. Maternity clothes are too big, old clothes are too small and two seasons old. Is it any wonder many of us just pull on something clean and comfy?
But it is practically a criminal offence to be a grungy mummy these days. Barely have you given birth before you begin to be assaulted by the yummy mummy messages. Mums n' Bubs exercise classes, hair dressing salons with crèches attached, news footage of Heidi Klum strutting down the catwalk in lingerie at six weeks post partum.
In fact, a September study by Deakin University found that women felt pressure to lose post-baby weight from all sides: the media, their mothers, peers, sisters and partners. More than one in four women nationally were "usually or always dissatisfied" with their post-baby body.
The yummy mummy phenomenon is a by-product of our obsession with celebrity. But while Victoria Beckham might be photographed 100 times a day, what is the average mother doing? Heading to Woolworths or the park hardly requires a blow dry and a full set of acrylics.
Indeed, if you weren't particularly interested in fashion and beauty pre-pregnancy, yummy mummydom is downright confusing. As one exasperated mother on an online forum wrote, “Good lord, am I supposed to start wearing lipstick and styling my hair once I have a baby? Does it count as "letting myself go" if I never had myself in hand in the first place? Should I still get my roots done if I never needed/wanted/cared to lighten my hair in the first place?”
For others, the effort required to look good is sometimes insurmountable due to post-natal depression, multiple births or other special circumstances. Then there are the mothers who don't give two hoots about their own look, but splash out big bucks on designer clothing for their kids. After all, small children are unencumbered by muffin tops and stretch marks.
Personally, giving in to the track pants would be letting myself go. For me, what I wear is connected to who I am. A trip to the shops is an excuse to pull out a skirt and a top, pop some hoop earrings in. When I look like my old self, I feel a bit like my old self, not the suburban mother I've become. I'm scared that if I give up on fashion now, I won't be able to go back to it once the kids have grown out of Play-Doh.
Of course, my old wardrobe isn't quite right. Now I need tops and dresses with easy access for breastfeeding. Pants that cover the mum paunch and are sturdy enough for kneeling in the sandpit. Shoes that handle a three-hour-schlep around the mall.
Buying clothes is a whole other drama – grabbing stuff off the racks at Target while buying kid's underwear has replaced a whole Saturday spent leisurely browsing high street boutiques. I read that some mothers are employing stylists for school-drop off and right now, in my sleep-deprived milk-stained haze, it seems like a great idea”.
I'm also responsible for modelling body confidence to my daughter. What message am I sending to her if I can't leave the house without an inch of make-up and a push-up bra? What message am I sending her if I make no effort at all? It’s such a fine line and I don't see many fathers pondering questions like this as they mow the lawns in an old pair of footy shorts.
I wanted to tell the hairdresser that when you become a mother, you let a lot of yourself go. The nice clothes are the least of it. What I actually told her was, can you copy Heidi Klum's hairstyle? Because, while there's nothing wrong with being a grungy mummy, sometimes it's nice to play dress-ups.
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