You plan your work life, and your children's lives, why not your love life? Kim Kind explains how.
Vessa Playfair sometimes wears her cowboy hat to work. In her corporate Sydney office, this would seem strange but when her office is actually a "big, white horse truck" and she is at a rodeo with her husband, this attire is completely appropriate.
Playfair, 53, is head of corporate affairs and communications for professional services firm Deloitte. She works 60 to 70 hours a week, is on call 24-seven and has two teenage sons and an elderly mother.
One may well wonder how she finds time to go on cowboy adventures with her husband.
"I think you have to make a big effort to create time 'quality time' with your partner and your family," she says.
"Every weekend, I try and spend quality time with him."
The stress of juggling careers with children, friends and family can make quality couple time a distant memory for many working parents.
The vice-president of Relationships Australia, Anne Hollonds, who is also a psychologist, says she is often asked how she manages to have a good relationship when there isn't any time to spare.
"There isn't a short cut to it," she says. "You've got to invest in building a strong partnership together and if you choose to live a lifestyle where you both work incredibly long hours and you have children and you do [many] other things, then you have got to talk to each other and ask: 'How are we going to do this and also maintain our strong relationship?"'
Playfair agrees. "You must be able to talk things through and whenever you go through periods of great change, to have somebody you can do that with is vital," she says.
Flexible working arrangements and mobile connectivity now enable Playfair to spend some time with her sons as well as her husband of 18 years, Michael. So although she spent a recent weekend camping and horse riding with her husband, she did it with her laptop, Next G card and mobile phone by her side.
"Wherever I am, I work," she says simply.
"For a couple of hours on Saturday and Sunday, I was sitting up in the horse truck pounding away. I had calls coming in from New York and Hong Kong."
Playfair spends three days a week at the Deloitte office in Sydney and four days working from her family farm on the NSW Mid North Coast. She says her ability to deliver, as well as Deloitte's support of such an arrangement, makes it work for everyone.
Flexibility at work is becoming more and more common and is a great way to create couple time, according to Hollonds.
"Take the kids to childcare and school, block out the first hour of the day once a week and then go and have a nice breakfast together," she suggests.
Hollonds often advises time-poor people to make a chart of their week, broken into half-hour periods. They must colour each period according to the way the time is spent then look at ways of reallocating their time. Hollonds says people are often stunned by how little time they spend with their partners but adds not all couples need lots of time. Successful couples make the most of every little moment together, even if they're just doing the dishes.
Lawyer Danielle Avery and her businessman husband, Will, have three children under eight. They make time together a priority.
"We try and go out for dinner from time to time ... you have to be really committed to it and plan ahead," she says.
"Put it in the diary. If you think: 'When we get a quiet night this week, we'll do something,' it just doesn't happen."
Avery says their 10-year marriage has remained solid largely thanks to teamwork, a factor that is as essential in a relationship as it is in the workplace.
"There needs to be capacity to review how things are going and to plan ahead," Hollonds says. "Occasionally check in with each other. Ask: 'What's our vision for what we are going to achieve together this year and how are we each going to contribute to it?"'
Sometimes we forget there is nothing more important to children than the quality of the relationship between their parents. If things aren't right between you and your partner and you feel distance growing, get help from a counsellor.
"You might think that all those hours you spend at work are important for your child so you can pay for the private school or all the goodies kids want these days," Hollonds explains.
"That's not unimportant ... but you've got to get a balance there."
More work-life balance stories at My Career.
How to make time together
- Make your relationship a top priority.
- Use flexible arrangements and mobile technology at work to carve out couple time.
- Plan ahead - diarise time.
- Talk to each other about how you will manage your life and keep your partnership strong.
- Choose an employer that supports work-life balance.
- Use babysitters and cleaners to ease the domestic load if you can afford it.
- Do things together, even boring chores like washing up.
- Don't wait for the holidays to reconnect - it could be too late.
Get help - call Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277 or use online counselling service relationshiphelponline.com.au.
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