How to afford a husband, read Essential Baby's tips!
We think they're rather sexy sometimes and we usually like having them around - even if they do hog the remote control and forget to put out the rubbish bins. There's no doubt that, by and large, we love our husbands - but can we actually afford them?
That is the question being asked at the moment by finance writer, blogger and author Justine Davies, with her new book How to Afford a Husband - or any other live-in lover, hitting the shelves this week. "It's not as callous as it sounds," she explains. "But financial stress is a real relationship-killer. We all like to believe in 'happy ever after', and getting the money side of our lives sorted is a significant part of helping that to come true."
Is financial stress really that much of a problem? Apparently so, with a December 2008 Relationships Australia survey indicating that financial difficulties were nominated as a cause of relationship problems by 40 per cent of people. "Opposites quite often attract," explains Lola Mashado, Venue Manager for Relationships Australia. "It's not always a bad thing - variety is the spice of life. But while we can choose to ignore our partner's taste in music, food, movies or clothes, we can't afford to ignore their attitude towards money. Talking about money attitudes should happen as early as possible in a relationship but unfortunately, while people talk about all sorts of other things, like having kids, career aspirations, home ownership, they don't talk about their attitudes to money."
"I don't know where all the money goes"; "You've overdrawn the bank account again"; "It's baked beans for dinner this week"; "We owe how much on credit??" If any of these statements sound familiar, Davies assures you that you are not alone. "All of those day-to-day stresses are really common, particularly if we don't talk with our partner about how the household finances are managed," she says. "But you know, the key to being financially happy isn't winning lotto; it's about managing the money that you do have well and avoiding the daily hassles that being chaotic with money can cause."
"After all," she adds. "For better for worse, for richer for poorer is all well and good. But most of us would prefer that it was better and richer, particularly if it is until death do us part!"
Ten tips to afford a husband
- Opposites attract. Introvert/extrovert; morning person/nightowl; spender/saver. Realise that the cliche of opposites attracting holds true with regards to money as well as everything else.
- R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Often we avoid money topics because we're scared of having an argument. Acknowledge that you will respect each others' option - even if you can't agree with it!
- Make a date - and a budget! Organising your finances means setting aside an hour or two to sit down with each other to focus on it. And the first thing to do is put together a written budget.
- Be honest. Often we like to conveniently "forget" how much we spend. But honesty with each other about your spending habits is the best way to move forward.
- Look to the future. Forget about the financially silly things that you did in the past - that was the old you! Set some joint goals to work towards for the future.
- Start saving. Once you have some goals to save towards, try putting aside 10% of your combined income to help pay for them.
- Cut costs. If you are going to save money, you'll probably need to cut your costs. Go through your budget carefully and work out where you could tighten the belt a bit.
- Do the boring stuff. Once your cashflow is under control you can look at all the boring things, such as insurance, estate planning and superannuation that you need to take care of.
- Reward yourself. All work and no play-money isn't much fun, so once your budget is under control, reward yourselves with regular "play-money" for each of you to spend on whatever you like.
- Love each other. Finances are just one part of a relationship. Getting all the pesky money stuff under control as soon as possible will leave you more time for some of the more enjoyable fringe benefits of being in love!
Author Justine Davies' book How to Afford a Husband is available online, in ABC shops and selected bookstores.
Discuss money management with Essential Baby members in our Money forum.
