Essential Baby member Sam and her two sets of twins
My name is Sam. I have four children under four. And, I have a confession to make. I’d love just ONE more…
It wasn’t until we were told we would be unable to conceive naturally that I realised I truly wanted children. That, and I recall watching an interview on the ABC with a married pair of Scientists who proclaimed that they had had children “because it appeared to be a life experience that should not be missed”. Being stubborn, pragmatic and acutely aware that the booming sound in the distance were our biological clocks, we immediately began Fertility Treatment (IVF) and were incredibly fortunate to be successful on our first attempt.
We welcomed our sons Riley & Dashiell into the world at a respectable thirty-four weeks gestation in November 2005. My husband Marcel and I were running our own business from home and were both able to care for the boys.
Our days consisted of oceans of vomit, endless screaming, relentless sleep deprivation, countless nappy changes and many hours of crying. Thank goodness for aloe vera tissues! It became apparent that we were struggling to cope with the grinding sleep deprivation when Marcel got up in the middle of the night for a bathroom break and fell asleep mid stride, halfway to the toilet, and woke when his forehead collided with a wall.
I started bathing babies while they were fully dressed, thought the year was 2003 and kept finding milk in the cupboard and teabags in the fridge. By the time our boys were four months old it was clear that two children were more than enough for us to handle and I began selling all our baby paraphernalia as soon as we stopped using it.
When the boys were twelve months old I couldn’t shake the feeling that perhaps our first foray into parenthood was not typical. My biological clock wasn’t getting any quieter and we decided to try for another child. Any child would be wonderful, however one that didn't vomit like Vesuvius and could sleep for longer than forty minutes would be sensational. Our second attempt at IVF didn’t go smoothly. It took a miscarriage, seven failed attempts and three fertility specialists before we were successful again.
Having become a self proclaimed expert in home pregnancy tests during our fertility journey, the thirty-four assorted positive pregnancy tests I’d done in a week were very exciting yet could not quite put my mind at ease. It was the first ultrasound that I needed.
At six weeks and four days pregnant, we had our first ultrasound with the fertility specialist. He cheerfully declared I was indeed pregnant – with ONE baby! We were overjoyed. Exhilarated. Elated. ONE! Wonderful.
The possibilities were overwhelming! Imagine… life with a single pram - all the stores we could fit into! A nappy change would be just that - *A* nappy change. Feeding time wouldn't involve a complicated juggling act and could probably be achieved in public. Baby wearing! Calmly settling one child to sleep without having to rock the other with a foot. "Sleeping while your baby sleeps" could be a distinct possibility.
Life continued as normal. One home pregnancy test at a time. On week ten I had my second ultrasound, this time at a specialist ultrasound centre with more advanced equipment. When the boys were around one year old we ceased our home business and Marcel began working in the city. As he works 6am-6pm and it is a long one hour commute each way for him we agreed it was okay for him to skip a few of the more "boring" scans and come along to the ones at more advanced gestation.
So I went to this scan alone. The scan was not boring or routine. On the screen, were two babies, writhing, squirming, and waving at me - the luckiest Mummy in history. Wow, now I had an excuse for my absurd weight gain! I cannot remember a word I said to Marcel when I phoned him after the scan (neither can he), but I do recall getting a massive bunch of beautiful flowers when he came home.
This pregnancy had many more challenges than the first, yet the weeks marched by and to everyone's surprise we reached thirty-seven weeks. It was 4am when I shifted slightly in bed and felt a completely unexpected warm sensation. I quietly and calmly said, “Honey, I either peed my pants or my waters just broke. What do I do!?!” Marcel immediately awoke from a deep slumber, leapt out of bed, began running back and forth muttering, “Don’t panic, don’t panic, don’t panic” and eventually reappeared with an armful of towels.
Having seen many episodes of Mash, Scrubs, and ER he was about to run for hot water when I reminded him we should probably arrange for his mother to come over and mind the boys so we could get to the hospital. We welcomed our third son River, and first daughter Zoe, in July 2008 completing our family comprised of four children under two and a half years old, two beagles, and five chickens.
Did we get our wish? Yes - we have been virtually vomit free! Our furniture and floors are au natural and are no longer covered in towels, cloth nappies and blankets. We haven't been so lucky with the sleeping, but one out of two 'aint bad.
To say that life has been challenging is an understatement. There have always been one too many babies and one too few of me! We've not had any help at home. Most of our friends and relatives lead their own busy lives, and also seem to have been permanently traumatised by the vomiting and screaming experienced when they first saw Riley and Dashiell. I think they're too scared to come to the house now there are four little ones.
Fortunately I'm a naturally organised person and am blessed with the ability to plan and get things done. Our home may not be the cleanest on the block, but it's reasonably tidy and always full of noise. Everyone is fed at some point during the day and there are usually clean clothes available.
In an effort to cope with so many small children I've had to greatly relax my standards. For instance I no longer worry too much about anyone’s appearance, particularly my own. Today Dashiell had undies back to front, his t-shirt was inside out, he had a hoodie jacket on upside down (quite a feat), no pants, and mismatched socks. This was perfectly acceptable providing he put on a pair of shoes (which he did, on the wrong feet).
Not wanting the kids to miss out on anything due to being multiples, I've always tried to involve them in the things singletons would normally do such as Kindergym, music, playgroups, going to parks, shops and so on. The outings are getting fractionally easier as the kids get older (with some thanks to homeopathic stress spray). Until recently the majority of most outings were spent in a parents room or toilet, either endlessly feeding babies or toilet training the older boys. In fact we spent so much time in parents rooms I started photographing them on my phone and mentally writing reviews with the crazy idea of publishing a book "Best Darned Dunnies Down Under". Then I realised perhaps I needed some time off.
One of the biggest challenges we face when out is handling comments and interest from complete strangers. There is no disguising that the children are two sets of twins. I appreciate this is very unusual and people are naturally curious, however it can be frustrating to constantly deal with the same questions and conversations when to be honest, we simply need to run to the closest parents room to change someone's underpants.
The most frequent comments we hear are "You have your hands full" and "Double Trouble". I fend these off with a nod and smile. People express surprise so frequently at our whopping four children that a friend suggested I respond with "Four!? Oh no kids! You know what that means! We’ve lost Jeremy and Sophie AGAIN”, but deadpan three year olds aren’t very good at playing along and the person who made the comment gets unduly concerned.
Then there are the incredulous passers by. “Not one? TWO sets of twins!?” Their face lights up like a sunrise as comprehension dawns on their face. Sometimes I try and act as surprised as they are, however it’s a tough act to keep up, especially when sleep deprived. People frequently attempt to start a conversation with "Are they natural?" which is akin to me walking up to them and saying out of the blue "So, missionary style?". I now deal with this question by completely ignoring it and changing the subject randomly. "Don't you wish we had Daylight Savings?" is always a good conversation starter.
Many people offer advice. Yesterday in an elevator a woman simply said, "Make sure you take a Berocca every day," before exiting the elevator. In the shopping centre another said "please don't take this the wrong way, but you look very tired. I don't mean to say that you look terrible! But... you look very tired. Perhaps you could do with a break?" Yes, yes I could. Care to step in for some babysitting? Or even better, some cleaning? I am planning on a break sometime in 2011 when the big boys start school. Top of my list is ‘have hot coffee’ amended with ‘whilst sitting down’, closely followed by ‘enjoy thirty whole minutes of silence’.
I will always remember a lovely elderly couple that approached the kids and me in the Supermarket. They explained that they had two sets of twins who were now my age, and misty eyed, talked about what a blessing they were and how fortunate I was to be able to experience the same thing before patting my arm and saying "hang in there". It can be difficult to appreciate at times, but yes, the children truly are a blessing.
Perhaps just not today...
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