My large family: Love multiplies

The washing is stacked higher than superman flies, and nappy-changing has been in operation for the past 18 years. Laura shares the realities and many joys of having a family of 11.

Hi, I'm Laura. My husband Peter and I have been married for 21 years and we have 9 children.

Our Family Fast Facts...

• I have been pregnant for nearly 7 years (81 months) 
• I have been breastfeeding for about 12 years (143 months)
• We have been changing nappies continuously for over 18 years. 
• We use about 20 litres of milk per week
• It costs around $50 for us to go to McDonalds

Who's in your family?
Besides my husband Peter and myself, we have five boys and four girls.

Adam is 18 and is in his second year at uni doing a Bachelor of music. Ashley is 16 and is currently looking for work after finishing her School Certificate last year. Amanda is 14 and in year 9. Angela is 12 and in year 7. Austin is 10 in year 5. Adrian is 8 and in year 3. Alexa is 6 and in year 1. Arron is almost 4, and Allan is 16 months old.

What is the best thing about having a large family?
I think the best part about having a large family is the sense of belonging in a loving community. Everyone looks out for one another and there is always someone available for a game, a cuddle, a chat or even a shoulder to cry on. Naturally, the kids don't always get along but it's a bit like in the movie 'Cheaper by the Dozen', when the older sister says of the younger "...sometimes I could kill her, but I'd kill for her anytime."

I believe we are capable of so much more than we allow ourselves to give. There is always plenty of love to go round in our home and that's for everyone who ventures through our door, not just our own family.

What are the most difficult bits?
Sickness can be really disruptive to the routine and may last for weeks by the time everyone gets 'it', and then recovers. Dinner invitations are rare. Sometimes the noise level in our home becomes unbearable.

Do you and your husband manage to have some 'relax time' together?
On Wednesday nights our daughter Ashley (16) has recently offered to take over from dinnertime onwards so Peter and I can have a night to ourselves. She has some help from Amanda (14) but generally is managing this very well. We might go out for dinner, shop if we need to or just talk. We've even taken in the odd movie! Before we started doing this we were struggling to maintain our relationship, because it was hard to find even 10 minutes to talk about anything. We were both trying to give each child some individual attention daily, but found that there was no time or energy left for one another. Just having one night off a week has made all the difference.

What's the daily routine in your house?

Between 6am - 7am
The school-aged kids get up, dress themselves and eat breakfast. Peter and I get ourselves ready. I prepare and pack the lunches, and feed the baby his brekky. The kids each pack their own bags. This is my chance to grab a coffee and a quick bite.

8:30am - 9.30am
Everyone leaves for school, work or university.  Our school is a block away and caters from Kindergarten to Year 12 - so the older ones walk the younger ones to and from school. This is great because it gives me some time to change and dress our little guys, throw a load of washing in the machine and unload then reload the dishwasher. 

9.30am - 12pm
If we are going out ' shopping, orthodontist, playgroup, or other medical appointments  - we are usually out the door by 9:30am. If not, we will play some games or watch some favourite shows then, you guessed it, more housework.

12pm - 3pm
We are usually home by lunchtime so that the younger boys (1 & 3) can have a sleep. This is when I'll hang out the washing, have some lunch and do a general tidy up. At this point I have to say that I have my laptop setup on my kitchen bench and signed in the EB all day, so I do get distracted often! (Especially by the Large Family forum.) 

3pm - 6pm
About 3:15pm the school kids arrive home, we have a snack and start homework after some accounts of the day. The children are all pretty good with their homework and often will help each other out rather than coming to me for help (another large family benefit). I usually start dinner while overseeing the homework. Once dinner is on and the homework is done the younger ones play. The older ones help a little by bringing in and folding washing or hanging out more. Then they all usually watch some TV or play outside until dinner.  At some point I'll often duck out to pickup Adam (18) from the station if he has run out of bus money!

5pm
Someone sets the table for dinner - we have a roster. When Peter arrives home we eat dinner around 6-ish. This is important to us especially as the older kids are starting to miss the odd meal with us. We like to come together as a family at least once a day and share what's been happening.

6pm - 10pm
After dinner someone clears the table, someone else does the dishwasher ' roster again. Peter and I will bath the ones too young to shower themselves. The others all shower in shifts - some in the mornings and some at night. Peter starts the bedtime routine at around 7pm, which is staggered by ages and by who's had a day sleep. He uses this time to catch-up with the children as he tucks them in.

Tuesday nights is soccer training for Austin (10) and Adrian (8), but Peter tries to be home in time for that. Fortnightly once they return I take one older child (to push a second trolley) and do the grocery shopping.

I generally try to get to bed by 10:30pm, but that seldom happens. Often this is the time when teenagers want to discuss issues or simply chat, 11:30pm-midnight is a more realistic bedtime for me.

This may all sound like it runs very smoothly but there are many variables and hiccups in every day, so I have learnt it helps to be as flexible as possible.

Did you always want to have a large family?
When Peter and I discussed having children during our engagement, we would usually come up with two or four. Neither of us liked the sound of three -maybe because we both come from families of three children.

We had our first baby when I was 23 years old. It was an exhausting 19-hour labour, which ended in a forceps delivery and a beautiful baby boy. Two years later, Ashley was born. However this time I had a new doctor as my previous doctor (who was excellent) had retired. I ended up having to labour in the hallway because the delivery ward was full. When it came time for the birth this doctor was less than helpful and made me feel very inadequate. As well as that we had just moved, I had no car, and my sister, whom I was very close to, had moved interstate. I suffered postnatal depression for almost 12 months. I felt very isolated and I honestly thought that we would stop at two.

I was very surprised to find that after I recovered, Peter and I both very much wanted more children. So two years after Ashley, Amanda was born.  She was a very easy-going baby so deciding on number four was fairly easy.

During my fourth pregnancy it was Peter who had a mild breakdown, mostly due to burnout at work. Angela was born and I thought we now had as much as we could cope with.

Eventually though healing came once again ' we believe from God ' and we both felt very strongly that we should try again. From then on I guess we just felt 'right' about having each one, along with the strong belief that each child is a precious blessing from God.

Two years on and Austin was born after a healthy pregnancy (not without the normal morning sickness) and normal delivery, finally a brother for Adam! Austin was our worst reflux baby and very unsettled. Another two years passed and Adrian was born, again with little complication. We now had three boys and three girls.

During my seventh pregnancy (Alexa), my wonderful obstetrician passed away suddenly of a heart attack two weeks before I was due! It was shocking, but we were relieved to find that a very good doctor took his place. Again I had a normal delivery and a healthy baby girl.

Well and truly addicted by now, we had Arron our eighth, roughly two years later. This pregnancy was very tiring as our older kids (by now 15 and 12) were staying up later and starting to have teenage issues.  Arron was our most demanding baby. He didn't sleep well and would wake up and just scream for no apparent reason. We have since found out that he seems to react to some food additives.

Another two years passed and in December of 2006 Allan was born. This pregnancy again was very tiring and my eldest son was doing his HSC and the older two girls were discovering hormones! The birth was different again ' just when you think you know how things are going to work out. I woke up the morning after my due date with intense back pain ' yelling at Peter not to touch me but to do something! We both thought I was about have the baby so Peter rang for an ambulance. As soon as he said it was number 9 they immediately started to prepare him for a home delivery.

The ambulance arrived and we went to hospital only to find that I wasn't in labour, but they thought it was kidney stones. I was put on a self-administering morphine drip, which allowed me to sleep. During this time, labour had started but it wasn't obvious due to the painkiller. During the night a nurse woke me to check if had dilated at all and found that I was already 6cm! I rang Peter and told him to get here quickly. He just made it in time for the birth. Allan has been the most placid, easy going though and a very good sleeper!

Are there plans for more children?
I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't love another baby but I'm not getting any younger at 41 and our lives ' and home ' are very full already. But who knows what God has planned for us?

We've had to upsize our car several times along the way and we currently drive a Toyota Hiace Commuter 12-seater, which we love. We also had a second storey put on our house about eight years ago as we were quickly running out of bedrooms. We now have two bathrooms, six bedrooms and a small study.

We also enlarged our kitchen to include a large cooktop and oven, with a 2m wide pantry. The one thing our house lacks now is a large living area, as we always seem to have teenagers coming and going - which is great - but along with the younger ones tends to get crowded!

Have you found there are common assumptions people make about large families?
Over time we have come across quite a few assumptions about large families some of which can be rather offensive if taken to heart. This seemed to start with our fourth child.  For example people assume...

• that there are a few different fathers involved 
• that we are living off government handouts
• that holiday accommodation you rent will be trashed!
• that we are Roman Catholic (which is not necessarily bad, just incorrect)

Then there are the people who try to be funny by saying things like...

• Don't you have a TV? (To which we now reply 'Yes, but what would you rather be doing')
• Are they all yours? (To which we reply, 'No the other 5 are at school')
• Don't you know what causes it? (To which we don't' have standard reply yet, but 'No, could you please explain?' usually works well)

Editor's note: Laura added baby number 10 to the family in mid 2009. Congratulations!