EB member Bernie lost his wife and unborn twins.
It all started nearly five years ago, when we started infertility treatment. Louise was diagnosed as having a pituitary adenoma which was effectively ‘blocking’ her cycles. Treatment initially consisted of simply taking medication which bought her cycles back, but still failed to conceive naturally.
We then commenced cycles of Follicle Stimulation Hormones (FSH) which resulted in miscarriages and then onto an egg collection cycle. In this first cycle, a total of 16 eggs were collected and ten were fertilised. However, these also resulted in miscarriages. After the last of these cycles, Louise was part of the IVF Australia pilot program into weight loss and its ability to increase the success of a pregnancy. This was a four week study and she also lost around 10kg as well!
February 2009, we commenced another egg collection cycle and got 14 this time. Six were graded AA and two were transferred in early March. March 10, we got a positive home pregnancy test and a follow up blood test showed it to be positive with the HCG levels at a very high rate! 31 March saw Louise have a slight bleed and a follow up ultrasound on 1 April showed that she was carrying twins.
Louise at this stage was showing the ‘normal’ pregnancy related symptoms such as nausea, lethargy and food aversions but otherwise seemed ok. Over the Easter weekend, she did however become increasingly tired and short of breath but we both put it down to being pregnant. On the Wednesday 15 April I took the day off work to take her to see the GP and to allow her to get some rest.
Louise ate only some of her breakfast. When she was coming back from the bathroom she yelled out to me saying that she felt faint. When I got to her she held my arm and collapsed. I grabbed the phone and called 000. I had her in the recovery position as at this stage as her breathing seemed okay. By the time the ambulance got there she had started to turn blue. They took about 45 minutes trying to get her intubated and a cannula in before heading off to the hospital. I followed in another ambulance and was taken to another room at the emergency section. After about ten minutes I was told the horrific news. They were unable to revive her. I was truly devastated.
Whilst the actual cause of Louise’s death is still a matter before the Coroner, the initial cause of death was a Pulmonary Thromboembolism, a clot that made its way to her lungs. Late that evening I received a call from the Eye Donor Program wanting to know if I would consider donating her eyes. Whilst this is a hard decision to make when you are in a time of deep grief, her parents and I made the decision to allow them to take her eyes for transplantation. A later letter indicated that the sight of two people was improved by this gift. I received a call from the Coroners Office the evening she died, not that it gave me any comfort knowing what it was. The Coronial process is a long, drawn out process as they need to collect her medical files from so many locations (GP, Specialist, Clinic, Ambulance and Hospital) and even the Police. The police were at the house when I returned and needed a forensic team and detectives to have a look at the inside before I could enter into it. This was a truly upsetting time in that it was my house, I had just lost my wife and all I wanted to do was to go in, go to bed and cry… I do not know at this stage when the process will be complete. It may be just a matter of a report going to the Coroner for approval or it could be a hearing, we are yet to find this out.
In the days and weeks after her death I received condolences from far and wide. She was highly regarded within NSW and Australia for her work in Sustainability and the Environment, and I even got an email from one of her international contacts. Louise had dedicated herself to environmental planning and protection and received many awards and grants through her career. I was touched by the number of people who were saddened by her loss and how admired she was for her life’s achievements.
At her funeral she received eulogies from her brother, which was very moving, but also from the general manager and a councillor from Penrith City Council (PCC). The church was full to the brim and even overflowing, which still to this day humbles me to know that she will be sadly missed by so many people.
It was a very important part of my grief healing to include her parents in every detail of the service we were to have. And I believe that they have been grateful of the inclusion and to assist them in their grief as well.
Since her death, I have been contacted by the NSW Local Government & Shires Associations (LGSA)who are considering creating an Award in her memory. Louise was the recipient of a similar Award in 2003 for Excellence in Environment and she won a study tour to the UK, Denmark, Canada and the USA. The Award is to be known as the “Louise Petchell Individual Sustainability Achievement Award” and was announced at the 2009 awards in December.
Penrith City Council has also established an award in her memory and this will be awarded to a staff member for the further education and training in sustainability to the value of $5,000. I have been asked by both the LGSA & PCC to sit on committees to establish criteria and to assist in the judging of the awards.
Time for me has pretty much stood still the past 10 months or so. I have been seeing counsellors for grief management and have been actively talking about Louise as part of this management. I believe that talking about her will stop me from falling back into a depression. The girls in the November due-in group have also been so supportive and I thank them from the bottom of my heart for this. Our due in group was the subject of way too much grief through the 9 months we were all together, with Louise’s death, two mid term baby deaths and the tragic loss of baby Lewis at just 11 days. We are a very close group and I would not know where I would be had I not come to know a wonderful bunch of ‘girls’. We also celebrated Louise’s birthday. I wanted us all to remember her and to celebrate all of the joy and happiness she gave us. Her family have also rallied around to help me and I am grateful of this support.
The week before my birthday in March, I received a letter from the Coroner’s Office - the post mortem report. It was 15 pages long, but the actual history, summary and conclusion (cause of death) was only three. The rest was also the most distressing part. For the most part, there was nothing new we didn’t already know. It reported that, whilst unable to say where the clot came from, it was most likely from the femoral vein as there was past evidence on thrombus. There was also another 4cm long clot as well. The only other thing in the report was that the clot found in the lungs, was massive and that death would appear to have been quick. I found this something of a relief as she would not have suffered.
The remaining pages covered the internal examination of the body. They measure and weighed the brain, heart, lungs, liver and so on, even commented on the state the ovaries were in and fairly evident of the recent IVF cycle. At the time of planning her funeral I was asked by the funeral director what instructions I wanted to give for my babies. At the time I simply said to leave them with their mother and so they were. In the report, the Dr outlined the approximate age and length of the babies although their sex at this stage was not noted. They were then placed into saline, into specimen containers and into the ‘body bag’ to await the families instructions.
A very dear friend of mine (who had also lost a child of hers) told me to read it and then file it, as to constantly re-read will only be ‘unhealthy’. I have taken her advice. They are all now, at peace with each other.
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