Georgia Watson
Feature Member Julia Watson shares with us her story about her family, Down syndrome and the thing she needs least in life ... pity!
On Mother’s Day the family went out for lunch, and then for a wander around the shops. My husband Gaz and our three older girls finished lunch before I did, and wanted to go and look into some electronic shops, that did not take my fancy, so I told them to go ahead, and I would follow. I got a coffee, and a paper, and periodically leaned across into my youngest daughter Georgia's pram, to chat, or kiss, or coo. It just comes naturally to me to be all over the kid, they all give me joy, and she is no exception.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw many people look on in pleasure, and that made me smile too. That was, until a family passing nearby smiled as they caught us mid kiss, and then recoiled, as I moved away from Georgia's face, and they spotted that she had something a little different. Something a little extra. I tried not to see the look of pity that replaced the smile on their faces, but then, I heard one of the older members of the family say..."Oh, I hope she has other children".
Well, yes I do! But what of it? Why the pity, why? Because obviously the happiness on my face belies this dreadful sadness that my child is not "normal"?
At nearly 42 weeks pregnant, just a little over 3 years ago, I had my fourth child placed on my chest. I felt immediate disquiet that something was not "right" for want of a better word. Half an hour later, I realised what it was that I saw, and my life changed forever. I cried, I grieved, I struggled, I rocked, I grieved a little more...and I loved.
And through this time, not for one minute did I think that I was in the midst of a tragedy. My baby had Down syndrome, and at 3 days old she was found to be blind from the cataracts that covered both of her eyes. But I rallied quickly. She was healthy, a robust girl, didn't struggle to breathe, wasn't sick. Medical professionals, with varying degrees of pessimism (and even the odd dose of optimism), told me that that I would struggle, that I had just been plunged into another world entirely, but I would go on. No one ever put a time limit on her life. No one ever told me that I couldn't go on enjoying her for as long as I could any of my other children.
So, enjoy her I did. And I have done ever since. Well meaning friends have looked for signs of depression in me for more than three years. And accepted that they did not find it. It simply is not there. My life, our lives, have taken a path that I thought only happened to "other" people, and I won't lie, sometimes I still wake up, and get my 3yo dressed, and carry her to the car, and take her to therapies, etc, and am dropped on my rear end by the realisation that this really has happened me ME. Some days, Down syndrome SLAYS me.
But don't feel sorry for me! Please don't. I never asked for it, I don't want it, and it's not deserved.
Around 7 years ago, around when I had my first child, and the above events were a long way in the future, two of my friends had babies too. They had "normal" babies, and no one prepared them for what might visit them down the track. In the case of one, a rare childhood cancer. The other, a neurological disorder so rare, that many doctors had never seen a case of it.
I have spoken to the mothers of these children, as they are my dear friends, in the midst of heartache, of tears, of fear that no one should ever know. I have seen them fight, I have seen them stand up, I have seen them find strength, literally dig it from places that they didn't know they had it, and go ON. To this day, I see their darling son and daughter, living very close to normal lives, facilitated by the love of these parents. These parents who found strength they never thought they had.
So many times, just because my daughter has Down syndrome, I have looked into faces full of pity. But why? She isn't sick, she isn't broken, she certainly isn't wrong. She has bought joy, acceptance, so many positives to our lives, I couldn't begin to list them.
Please, don't feel sorry, for me.
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