After being told having a baby would be near impossible for me - falling naturally at 40 years old was a miracle and a dream come true.
Having been born with scoliosis I had to wear a back brace for six years throughout high school and was told there would be a lot of pain to come in later years – I had no idea the pain I would feel would also be emotional longing for wanting a baby.
I was told by many doctors if I was to fall it would have to be while I was very young and still I would need to be hospitalized and I may possibly never fall or carry full term at all. This I had to accept.
It wasn’t until my late 30s when it hit me – I was lost. I felt so incredibly unfulfilled and wronged and I longed desperately for a family and a child of my own.
I was 38 years old and tried to fulfill my life in every way I could, but nothing would make up for the heartache of now being single and wanting to be a Mum.
Then, I decided to not give up hope. Something inside me told me to get up and move and change my surroundings and get what I wanted, what I deserved and live the life I was meant to live. I booked a trip to Ireland and Italy and spent four weeks travelling around in the sun, of course whilst reading Eat Pray Love – which I also attribute to my new found hunger for fulfilling my dreams.
I was wandering through Venice markets one day and I came across these beautiful handcrafted wooden toys and I thought of all the toys and gifts I had bought children and babies of relatives and friends and I haven’t got a thing for my own baby. It was then that I realised "hang on, did I really think I could have a baby?" Stuff what the doctors say!
I picked up a Pinocchio doll and this sweet little Italian man said to me “Si, your son will love”. I replied “well actually I don’t have a son, I have no children”. His reply to me was so simple and hilarious, “you buy Pinocchio for him, he will come, you will see”. Geppetto turned out to be a great sales man, because that day I bought the doll and walked away half embarrassed and half thinking “if only I could give this Pinocchio doll to my own baby one day, wow”.
When I returned from my trip, I wanted to completely change my life, take a break from my single world of hard work, long hours, and life in the city. The day I moved out of my unit, I met the man I was to marry. The first step in the right direction for my own family – and I found love. He also had two beautiful daughters and being a step-mum was wonderful … perhaps this is what God has given me in lieu of the fact I cannot have my own.
I asked my husband if he would be interested in IVF as I couldn’t give up on the idea of being told I couldn’t have children – I just wasn’t ready to give up hope. Yes I was 40 and odds were against me, but if I didn’t try, wouldn’t I regret this for the rest of my life?
I had to respect my husband’s wishes, he has two children and felt that if by some miracle we fell naturally, then so be it, but he didn’t want to go down the IVF path.
One September morning (sounds like a Neil Diamond song) my husband prompted me to do a pregnancy test as I was late. I was reluctant; I thought “what for”? I think there was a part of me that also thought how incredibly cruel to have this little stick remind me that I can’t be a Mum – how humiliating. But, I did it.
On that day, my life would be changed forever. Oh My God! It was positive. I was pregnant. I was in shock, I felt numb and in disbelief. I cannot tell you how incredibly lucky and fortunate and terrified I was to find this news. My husband was over the moon and I couldn’t stop crying with sheer joy and happiness and bewilderment. He had not only given me love, he had given me the most incredible amazing gift any man could give a woman. Precious life!
Nearly 41 years old, I gave birth to my beautiful son – Max. He is 9 months old now and there isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t look at him in awe and shock and I thank God for him every day.
When I put him down to sleep at night before I turn off the light, I glance around his room that I designed and look at all the toys in his room. And, at the foot of his cot hangs the most beautiful toy of all, Pinocchio.
