Dr Jackson Katz is activist in the field of gender violence prevention.
Here's a confession: there is violence in our house. As is invariably the way in such instances, the perpetrator is the most powerful person in the home. It's the strongest, the toughest, the bully who calls the shots. And that, of course, is our two-year-old daughter.
She's the boss. The rest of us - my wife, our six-year-old daughter and I - are merely pawns in her unpredictable schemes. Thankfully, she's a benign dictator, but I'm not kidding about the violence. Occasionally she kicks, headbutts, punches or bites. Usually she does it in the spirit of play, not knowing when she's taking things too far. Much like her dad and his jokes.
Fortunately, this violence tends to be of the harmless, amusing kind - and it's the only kind we have in our house. Which makes us lucky, because serious violence is alarmingly common.
"Domestic violence is a widespread though often hidden problem across Australia," as the White Ribbon website. "It occurs in all parts of society, regardless of geographic location, socio-economic status, age, cultural and ethnic background, or religious belief, and its often devastating effects — psychological, social and economic, short-term and long-term — rebound on families, children, and the community as a whole."
The website specifies that one in three Australian women over the age of 15 have reported experiencing physical or sexual violence at some time. That's a horrible thought.
The whole point of White Ribbon, which organises with a national day of awareness each November, is to eradicate violence against women. To date, 26,495 Australians have taken the White Ribbon pledge: "I swear never to commit, excuse or remain silent about violence against women."
I've made the oath. So has author and SMH journo Peter FitzSimons, who continues to be alarmed by the stats. "It's staggeringly prevalent," FitzSimons says. "The statistics, at first glance, are unbelievable, but I am told by the professionals they stack up."
What's particularly confronting is the thought that the stereotype is true: abused tend to become abusers. If a dad is violent towards his son, that son is likely to become violent too.
"Tragically, the stereotype of violent behaviour being handed down from one generation to the next is right on the money," says FitzSimons. "The abused become the abusers and so it goes on. It is up to our generation to stop the cycle."
FitzSimons is one of four speakers at a White Ribbon event being held today, Valentine's Day, at NSW Parliament House. A panel discussion called Tough Guise, the event also features advertiser Dan Gregory and the army's Brigadier Gavan Reynolds. They will be joined by Dr Jackson Katz, a US writer and academic who bills himself as a gender violence prevention advocate.
Arguably his biggest contribution has been devising the bystander approach to gender violence and bullying, which has been hugely influential, particularly on college campuses.
The bystander model argues that the traditional focus of anti-violence work was on perpetrators and victims. Dr Katz, however, argues that third parties can play crucial roles. That is, witnesses and bystanders. And if, say, a student witnesses an incident of harassment, abuse, or violence, that student needs to realise that there is not only a simple choice: to intervene or not to intervene.
Rather, there is a whole menu of possible responses. For instance, that student might call the police, or go and get help, or tell someone in authority about the incident later.
As Dr Katz's website says: "The creative bystander approach to gender violence and bullying prevention focuses on young men not as perpetrators or potential perpetrators, but as empowered bystanders who can confront abusive peers – and support abused ones. It focuses on young women not as victims or potential targets of harassment, rape and abuse, but as empowered bystanders who can support abused peers - and confront abusive ones."
Through role-playing various scenarios, students (and others) go from passive, powerless observers to "empowered" bystanders whose responses can have powerfully positive effects.
It will be interesting to hear what Dr Katz and his co-panellists have to say.
For his part, FitzSimons says that we simply must address the issue. And especially when it comes to dads, because so much is at stake when kids are involved.
"We need to make it clear, man to man, that this is simply not acceptable," he says. "We need to pass it on that it is cowardly and disgusting behaviour to commit violence on members of your family - and there are no excuses."
