Justine Davies
Our oldest (of three) started school last year (prep). We sent him to a small private school which is fairly local to where we live. The school grounds and facilities are great, the teachers are pleasant (most of them) and the kids and parents seem nice, but our son really hated being there. He didn’t seem to make many friends, didn’t seem to click with his teacher and every morning didn’t want to go to school.
There’s only three weeks now until school goes back for grade one and as it gets closer he is panicking. He’s crying, saying he doesn’t want to go back, that he hates it and why can’t he go to the local school? (Some of our neighbours who he plays with are at the local state school). He’s even wet the bed a couple of times, which he does when he’s stressed. I don’t know what to do.
DH reckons that’s fine, that if he wants to go to the public school he can, but I’m resisting the idea. Not that the state school is bad, but I think that he’d get a better education at the private school. And just because he had one bad year doesn’t mean that he wouldn’t enjoy this year. We’ve already paid our deposit for this year, bought the books, etc. And then I worry about the other two and whether it will ruin their chances of going private if we pull our oldest son out.
I want him to be happy, but I don’t want to react too quickly. Is it worth persevering with the private school that I really like –but which he doesn’t? Any advice would be appreciated.
Worried Mum
Hi WM. It’s tricky, isn’t it, because we hate seeing our kids upset. To help you out I have asked Dr John Irvine who is a child psychologist, print and TV regular and author of books including “Thriving at School” , for some advice.
“There are a number of issues to consider here,” he says. “If we were talking about a preschooler being unhappy in their care situation then I would be recommending that they move to another centre. However it is not so easy with a school-age child. For a school-age child, changing schools should really be seen as a last resort. It may be better to stay and work through the issues that that child has, otherwise you may simply be moving the problems from one school to another.”
And Dr Irvine emphasises the importance of understanding what the problem actually is. Is it a bullying issue? Or a separation anxiety issue? Is your son having trouble keeping up academically with the class, or did he have trouble understanding what his teacher was asking of him? Or something else entirely? Any of these things can affect your son’s confidence, self esteem and enjoyment of the school year. But unless you can pinpoint what is causing your son’s anxiety it will be difficult for you to help your son overcome the issue.
“I would be suggesting that the parents take a “new year – new class” approach with their son,” says Dr Irvine. “Perhaps make a visit to the doctor between now and the start of school for a medical check up in case there are any sight, hearing or other problems than need to be investigated. If the problem is purely social then perhaps write a nice little card to this year’s teacher, mentioning the social issues that their son had last year and his reluctance to return and ask the teacher to observe their son for the first few weeks and follow up with them on any areas where they (the parents) could provide support. The teacher may also be able to implement some strategies, such as a buddy system, if you make her aware of the issue.”
WM, Dr Irvine also stressed that one of the most important things that parents can do is to be involved with the school: tuckshop, reading, helping at sport days and so forth. You didn’t mention what level of involvement you have with your son’s school, and I know that it can be difficult with two younger ones to find the time to volunteer in the classroom, but it would most certainly be a worthwhile thing to do. And whatever decision you end up making, best of luck!
EB Members: What is your advice? Leave a comment for “Worried Mum” here.
