Kids
Starting school can be a rather emotional time for everyone - some of those mums at the school gate even have a tear trickling down their cheeks. Carol Fallows has some advice to help all first timers - from kids to mums and dads.
1. Plan ahead
If your child has already been to an orientation day she will have had the opportunity to look around. If not the school is likely to arrange for new children to explore in the early days. Some schools arrange for new children to have a buddy (an older child) who will help them to get used to the school environment.
If you can walk to school do so with your child before the first day, even if you will be driving more than walking. Walking to and from school with your child is a great way for her to unwind and for you to hear about what the day has been like. Make sure your child knows a place where she will wait at the end of the day to be picked up.
Whether you walk or drive always act in a safe way, explaining to your child what you are doing and why.
2. Be realistic and supportive
You know your child better than anyone else. Your child may expect to come home on the first day being able to read or to have found a best friend. Help him to understand that these things take time. He may decide that's he over school and he would like to do something else. You will need to be patient and understanding.
It is also important to remember that children develop at different rates and your child may be slower than other children at some things. If at any time you are concerned, talk to your child's teacher.
3. Help your child learn to be independent
Children need to be able to do things for themselves at school and a child who has not had much experience of being independent may find being on her own overwhelming. By planning for the practical things( see below) you can help. If your child doesn't already have a few responsibilities start now by asking him to help, giving him choices and letting him decide what he will and won't do at times.
When he is at school he will have to decide where he will sit, whether he will eat all his lunch and who he will play with - he may not have had to make any of these decisions before.
4. Get to know your child's teacher
When you get on well with your child's teacher you will find it easy to talk to her about any issues that arise as well as to complement her when you feel things are going well. Your child will be aware if you have a good rapport with her teacher and it will help her confidence.
5. Plan for the practical things
- Make clothes and shoes easy to wear and easy to put on and take off. Save shoes with laces until she has learnt to tie them.
- Lunches and snacks. Have a few trial runs at home with a packed lunch and snacks. Explain why you don't eat everything at once.
- Label EVERYTHING. Labels that are already printed with your child's name and contact details make life easy. Also have a permanent clothing marker on hand for items that you can't easily label.
- Finding the toilet in time can be a problem in the early days and wet pants are not uncommon. Be prepared by giving your child a small plastic bag with a change of underwear inside to put in their school bag.
- Expect your child to be tired at the end of the day. School can be exhausting. Quiet time when they get home and an early bath and bed are fairly common routines for those new to school.
- Listen to what your child has to say about their day. Try to avoid asking "What did you do at school today?". If your child doesn't want to tell you what happened in his own way then ask leading questions. It is easy for a child to say `'nothing much'' to that `'what'' question, unless you continue it by asking if there is anything you can see such as a drawing?. You are more likely to get answers with specific questions such as "What did you learn about with Miss [teacher's name] this morning? " Who did you play with at lunchtime?" "Where did sit in the classroom today?" It is not a good idea to ask too many questions - two or three at most. Children will often open up at bath or bed time, they may feel as if they are being interrogated at other times.
Dealing with stress
Starting school can be very stressful for young children, so much so that some will get sick. If this happens you will need to let your child know that you are confident that he can manage to go to school and that you are there for him. If it becomes an issue you will need to talk to the school principal or teacher.
You can help your child deal with going to school in the following ways:
- Explain about the school day - recess, lunchtime, going home time, what the school bell or siren means.
- Don't be late if you are picking your child up from school.
- Be sure to have a healthy snack for your child when you pick him up, or ensure that this is considered important by after school care.
- Explain what is happening and why - if you won't be there be sure your child knows who will be and why.
- Keep the school up to date with your contact details and who to contact if they can't get you or there is an emergency.
- Be sure your child has your contact details
- Small children need time to just hang out. Giving them time to let off steam and play in their own way is more important than after school activities. Even one day a week is too much for some kids. Every child is different but if possible save after-school activities until your child is older.
- Keep reading that bed time story. A bed time story is a relaxing way to end the day and it is known to be important in helping children learn to read themselves. Look for bed time stories about children who go to school.
- If something or someone at school upsets your child talk to the teacher about it. Dismissing it as trivial could turn it into something bigger.
Find out more
Your child's first year at school. A book for parents Published by the Australian Early Childhood Association may be available from your school. Or you can buy a copy from the Association. You could also read Starting School, a fact sheet from Parenting and Child Health, South Australia.
Read to your child
(check your library or your local bookshop for these titles)
- First day by Margaret Wild, illustrated by Kim Gamble. Allen & Unwin, 1998
- The First Day at School by Yvonne Jagtenberg, Watts Publishing Group, 2002
- Friends by Kathryn Cave, illustrated by Nick Maland, Hodder Children's Books, 2005
- A day in the life of me by John Marsden, illustrated by Craig Smith, Thomas C. Lothian, 2002
- Drawing together by Mimi Thebo, illustrated by Jessica Meserve, Walker Books, 2005.
- Little Miss Spider at Sunny Patch School, by David Kirk, Callaway, 2000.
Carol Fallows has been writing for parents for more than 25 years. She is the author of a number of parenting titles, the latest being the best-selling Having a Baby. The Essential Australian Guide to Pregnancy and Birth (Doubleday, 2005) .
