Essential Baby blogger Joseph Kelly
Joseph Kelly's daughter decides it would be good to have two mums, making him wonder how many parents make a family structure complete?
There are moments in my parenting life when I feel I have evolved into my own dad, such as when I start sentences with "I don't work all day just so... " But there are other times when I know I am facing issues my dad would never have dreamed of. Such as last week when my five-year-old daughter Maisie asked me why her classmate Billy has two mums.
A few years ago my wife Susie and I were down at the park walking our dog Woody with a very small Maisie asleep in the pram. We got talking to a fellow dog-walker who had a brand-spanking-new baby in a papoose. We made all the standard small talk which revealed that this was her first child and the baby was only one week old. "Wow, you look great for someone who just had a baby last week!" Susie enthused. "Oh, I didn't have the baby" she replied, "my partner did". I have to admit that it was about two hours later, when I was having a cup of tea, that I suddenly turned to Susie and said, "Oh I get it! Her partner's a woman!"
But even though the experience taught me that not all families are the same in structure or composition, I was still taken aback by Maisie's question about Billy's two mums. And it's precisely because not all families are the same that I had no idea why Billy has two mums. It could be that Billy's parents have divorced and remarried, meaning Billy has a biological mother and a step mother. Perhaps Billy has a biological mum and an adopted mum. Perhaps Billy's dad has decided to become Billy's second mum. Or maybe Billy's parents are two women in a committed relationship who decided to have a baby. The point is I had no idea.
I knew that before I catalogued the many and various way in which Billy could find himself with a surplus mum there might be an easier way to answer the question. Luckily in moments like these, where tact and good judgement are needed, I can rely on Susie. "Some people just have two mums, Maisie. It's normal". Maisie was more than happy with this answer and went back to refusing to eat dinner. But then something began to unfold in Maisie's mind until, almost in a sigh, Maisie exhaled "Man! Billy is so lucky!"
Now, it's always been clear to me that on the parenting pecking order I come in at number two, and I'm happy to accept that. I felt the same way when I was a kid: mum was the sun that our family revolved around while dad was the smelly guy in the ugly armchair. I have learnt to accept that being a dad means that I'm forced to sleep in on the weekends while the girls drag Susie out of bed. Or that I have to endure watching the footy on my own because the girls would rather help Susie in the garden. But at least us dads could always comfort ourselves with the knowledge that the kids had to love us because there was no choice.
This notion, it seems, is now seriously under threat.
I had to get to the bottom of Maisie's envy of Billy's situation. "Would you like two mums?" I leadingly asked. "Yeah! That'd be great!" Maisie said, with far too much enthusiasm. So that was it then. Maisie had finally discovered what I was hoping she wouldn't work out until her late teens: that compared to mums, dads are a bit useless.
But just before I could start to feel too sorry for myself Maisie continued: "I'd also like two dads". After watching Big Love I'm sure Susie and I can come up with some arrangement that works for everyone.
What is your family structure like? Are four parents better than one or is it a case of whatever works for you?
Comment on Diary Dad's blog here.
