Does your man-partner use the bathroom as his personal office, Fonzie style – but with way less cool and rather more actual sitting on the toilet, and possibly some reading or web surfing action?
A Kickstarter campaign is proclaiming to have the solution for women everywhere who live with men who take up residence on the toilet for their peace and quiet time. And I cannot think of anything that could make me happier to be a single mum right now than this story.
The product is called the Toilet Timer, and all it costs is a Kickstarter pledge of $17 (or two for $25 in the "Early Turd Special" – for real), and you'll be the proud owner of a device that promises to save marriages everywhere.
The Toilet Timer is a simple timer device with a silhouette of a man sitting on the toilet, phone in hand. What's clever (and a touch unsettling) is that it's a sand timer, with the sand starting in the man's body, and running through him and into the toilet.
"When the sand runs out, it's time to move on," says the website blurb. Simple.
The timer runs for five minutes – ample opportunity to take care of everything, and then still come out and help the kids with their homework and start preparing dinner (after he's washed his hands, obvs).
"The phrase 'poop or get off the pot' is what someone says to you when they think it's time you made a decision," say the creators of Toilet Timer on their Kickstarter page. "The implication is that you stop procrastinating and take action.
"We believe this is what Kickstarter is about. People taking action. People taking chances. People pursuing dreams. People working with people to bring a project to life."
And they could be onto something. The campaign has already attracted almost $8,000 of the $20,000 target that needs to be reached in order for the Toilet Timer to be given the green light.
As a mum, I'm baffled by anyone needing a timer to remember to get off the toilet. I swear, I can't get halfway through a pee without someone telling me a joke, asking me where their shoes are, or showing me the latest song they learnt on the recorder. How on earth do these men get so much peace and quiet?
But if this is a problem in your house, and you think your relationship can withstand the concept of you policing your partner's bowel habits, the Toilet Timer could be just what you've been waiting for. As for me, I think I'll just stay single for another 20 years or so.