Grieving mum defends right to not give away baby things following miscarriage

Photo: Getty Images
Photo: Getty Images 

There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and one woman who lost her unborn son at 19 weeks has found keeping some of the blankets and clothes she had bought for him brings her comfort.

However the woman's sister-in-law, who fell pregnant around the same time as her, doesn't understand this and is furious the grieving woman is not passing her son's things on.

"I was pregnant with my son six months ago when I miscarried at 19 weeks, though I consider him stillborn because he was so close to reaching the cut off but he didn't and we didn't get to parent him," the devastated woman explained in a Reddit post.

"It has been so hard because my husband's sister was pregnant at the same time as me and now she's due any time now with her first child," she continued. "We get along really well usually... until recently."

Explaining that her sister-in-law and her husband have fallen on some hard times, with job losses due to COVID-19 as well as having some property issues which resulted in their baby's things being destroyed

"My husband's sister asked us if we could let them have the clothes, we both our son as well as the blanket I made for him because those are things they still need.," she explained. "My husband had already gone out to buy a couple of clothes items for the baby to help but we're not ready to say goodbye to the stuff yet and we told them that. She was angry and not understanding."

Her sister-in-law blasted the couple for not being "helpful in their hour of need," asking them  how they could we deny our future niece or nephew some clothes and a blanket.

The couple were devastated after the loss of their baby at 19 weeks.

Photo: Getty Images/iStockphoto

"My husband told her it's not like our son simply outgrew them and she fired back that he's never going to wear them, but her child could," the shocked mum wrote. "She told me she was especially p---ed at me, as a mum, not doing what I could for a child."


Admitting she feels guilty and a little jealous that her sister-in-law is going to give birth soon, she said she struggling and feels bad about the situation.

"I can feel the fracture in the family because of this but at the same time I'm just not ready to get rid of anything or change anything in the room yet," she said, before asking the forum if she should give away the clothes and blanket.

Redditers quickly assured the woman she doesn't have to give her relatives anything, pointing out everyone grieves differently her sister-in-law has no right to tell her how to deal with the pain of losing a child.

"You keep all of his items that you want for however long you need to. Keep them for your next baby if you want!! You certainly don't owe them to SIL!" one user responded.

"You hold onto those things until YOU are ready," agreed another. "And whenever you decide that YOU are ready. DO NOT give those things that awful woman and NEVER EVER give up that blanket. That will always be a precious possession."