DD is 17 months and is a really bright little spark. She is not super physical or loud but her brain is always, always, always ticking over. She even needs to flick through a book while breastfeeding! Even when exhausted she is happy, as long as she has her books. Problem is at bedtime she just won't wind down. We have a good routine - dinner, bath, PJs, story/breastfeed/cuddle (usually at the same time, I can't get her to focus on one!) on the couch with Mum (lights dim, all quiet), then bed. But she just never winds down, so I end up taking her to bed still all wound up, which she then fights. When I put her to bed (I lie with her until she falls asleep) she has a big cry, almost like she has been saving it up and needs to let it out.

I really feel for her since I'm the same! I find it very difficult to wind down at bedtime.

Is there anything I can do about this? Or is it pretty normal?

Possibly a later bedtime maybe?
No TV in the afternoons and early evenings?
Longer bath, possibly in dimly lit room maybe to help with the wind down.

Not really sure if it's much help, but good luck.

She sounds overtired. Does she have a day sleep?

My son was like that all the time at that age so I always made sure he had his day sleep or it made putting him to bed at night very difficult and time consuming.

My DS is very similar. If we are having problems we leave him in his cot with a book. He gets tucked in and everything as normal but it seems focusing on the book helps him wind down.

I cannot fall asleep without reading so I do not see why he is different.

My 24 month old is similar. She is a very very active little girl, very curious, very bright.

But for the past 2 months she has found it incredibly difficult to wind down at night. Her day naps are fine - she is up for the day at 6.30am and on the go constantly so exhausted by 1ish and goes to sleep willingly (in her own bed, daycare or the car). She sleeps anywhere from 1 - 2 hours (nap length doesn't seem to affect night times, we've tried varying it).

From having had a 7pm bed time for months and months, she now doesn't fall asleep until 8.30ish, no matter what we do, and we have tried plenty. And then will only fall asleep with us - preferably in our bed. She seems to need the comfort of a parent. We've done longer baths, we've altered her routine, we have quiet play time, we have dimmed lights, we read books, we have music, and we have a long quiet period lying together. Anything else results in screaming - and not bearable screaming either, this is not something we can do CIO with - she get hysterical to the point of vomiting.

Like you - I also have trouble winding down, although at my age I understand and value quiet time - she doesn't get it. So I can't really blame her, but want to help her.

SO no suggestions here, sorry - just a whole lot of empathy.

Do you drink coffee or other things with caffeine in it? Chocolate maybe? It gets passed through breast milk.

This is us too, but with a 22 month old. We've just decided to accept that this is how she is - she needs time to wind down, and needs help to do it. Slowly things are getting easier, it's very gradual, but we've just been consistent with the same routine and she is slowly starting to understand how to relax. Sorry I can't help, just adding to the empathy.

I tend to agree that she is probably over tired. She does have a day sleep but it's usually only 40 minutes, an hour or an hour and a half on a good day. There seems to be nothing we can do to adjust this (believe me, I've tried). The thing is she doesn't get grizzly, even when she's tired, so we (me, DH, her grandmothers who look after her, childcare) have all just given up. I have tried to get her to take a later nap (so that she's less tired at bedtime) but she is knackered by 11:30am and if we leave it much later than 12:30 she fights the nap! Dinner is at 6pm and we really don't want to eat without her (besides I get home at about 6 so want to see her, and she attacks me wanting to breastfeed!), so I don't see that an earlier bedtime is viable either...besides I doubt she'd accept it. Sigh.

I might try giving her lunch before her nap to string her out a bit, then she won't be so overtired in the evening.

Yes I have a cup of tea mid morning and often a couple of squares of chocolate after she has gone to bed. I thought I read a study that looked at caffeine in breastfed babies and couldn't find any impact after the baby was 3 months old...that's what I was holding onto anyway, I love a cup of tea! Hum might have to try cutting it out...

Other thing is she's been teething a lot lately, the other night her gum was bleeding and a big flap of gum was hanging off from where the molar cut through! It's like she is very good at distracting herself from uncomfortableness or pain during the day etc, but when she finally has to try to go to sleep it all comes to the surface. That's what DH reckons anyway, I'm a little more skeptical...probably because I have to deal with it all since she won't accept him putting her to bed anymore, now it has to be me gah!

Thanks for all the sympathy posts! It's good to know I'm not the only one and that it's not only due to my inept parenting!

You're not inept at all. You're clearly doing a great job by meeting the needs that she has, even though these needs are quite high! Some kids are just like this. Keep up the good work!


ETA: And don't give up your cup of tea. I have between 1-4 cups of coffee a day, my toddler is still breastfed, the caffeine doesn't make any discernible difference to her sleep (or lack thereof). We all need our small pleasures.

Just throwing something different out there - what about lots of roughhousing revving up about an hour before the bed routine begins. I was reading that they can often cycle through that from being totally revved to cooling right down. I have actually on occasion tickled my toddler to sleep, which sounds just crazy, but I guess there's the hype reaction and the calm down reaction which follows?

Just wanted to ask about your DD's bath -- is it a big fun bath with lots of toys, splashing and songs? Because that's how my DH baths our boy and it certainly doesn't help him wind down!