my 3.5 year old has been attending the same childcare since 11months old. Initially 2 non consecutive days, but 3 consecutive days since around November 2010. Generally hubby drops him off, occasionally I do.

He's never happily skipped off in a morning, but it's been manageable, and we've been satisfied that he has a great time once we've gone.

Since January, things have got increasingly difficult during drop off. Now he's really crying and refusing to go into the room, and is rude to others when approached. This is regardless of whether his friends are already there, or if it's quiet or busy. He'll arrive at the centre happily, but once he gets to his room, the tantrums start. If he has to go into a room with smaller children because it's too early for his usual room, things go very bad.

We've tried staying with him to get him settled, or just leaving after a quick kiss and cuddle. Neither approaches seem to be working. I've told him that it's ok to just be on his own once he arrives, until he's ready to join in.

But we know that he settles, and is Ok during the day. I arrive to collect him and observe him happily playing.

The centre haven't really suggested anything, other than that they'll check that there's enough stimulation for him when he arrives. They did say that maybe it was hard for him to leave our 3 person unit (we don't have any family, so he has limited alternate interactions) and go into the childcare setting.

The only changes since January are some of his friends leaving for different Kindy, but he seems to have made new friends. He recently moved into the kindy room from pre kindy.

I'm not sure what else to do. He's fairly introverted - in a crowded play ground, he's reticent of joining in.

If I ask him what is wrong, he says that he doesn't like adults looking at him.

Any thoughts?

Sounds like he does not take to change very easily and prefers a routine? Can you ensure you drop him off in time to only go to his Kindy room and not to the younger room in the mornings while staff are still arriving. Is there a particular carer he has an attchment to?

He actually sounds a lot like my son. Even to being introverted. Oh and he is 3.5 as well.

I only feel now that the drop off is going well. It took about this long last year too. What I had to resort to was giving him a big run down on what will happen when we arrive, while we are on the way there. 'We will walk in the room, if someone comes up to say hi, you will say hi back, we will say good morning to the room leader, then go over and play at the car table. At some point, mummy has to leave, as her boss will get angry, so you tell mummy when she can leave.'

So this happens, we go in and play and I will check with him if it is ok to leave, most of the time he says yes. The other day it took about 10 minutes.

I don't have to do the run down at all anymore, I do have to remind him to say hello to people though!! We have stuck to the playing and him telling me it is ok to go. I just have to make sure there is enough time for me to play for a bit.

May seem like I am pandering to him, but I think it is good for them to feel they have a bit of control over some situations.

Good luck Hope it works out for you soon.

No suggestions but we have exactly the same situation ex our child is form a 5 person family, and is very extroverted and will happily go off and play with any kid within a 1km radius!

He wont verbalise at all why he reacts like this other than saying he doesn't want to go/ wants to stay with Mummy/ Daddy. CC swear to me he settles within a minute or tw and he is ALWAYS happy when I pick him up.

I think it is a long day, and he has less control than in our homelife (ie he controls if he wants to have daytime sleeps), we are way less structured than CC.

CC told me some kids do this and NEVER learn to go off happiy/ not expeirence that moment of seperation anxiety.

You are not alone, and it feels awful leaving them crying and unhapy.

ETA Ds is also 3.5 - this has been goign on 4 months or so and has been getting worse over time not better