Bit of long story - Sorry!
This morning I had a friend request pop up from the Buyer of our house (we settled about 3 weeks ago). She knows my dad and stepmum reasonably well, but it was just a co-incidence that she liked and bought our house as we did not know her.

BACK STORY - We built this house 2 years ago. I had 1/2 acre of land and had worked hard on the vegie garden and the front garden. The sale had some hiccups, which I suspect were mostly the fault of her conveyancer and later miscommunication from our Agent (who I used to work for, but frankly dropped the ball on our sale badly). My DH and I had a lot of stress and aggravation at the end of sale due to the final inspection - we cleaned top to bottom, including steam cleaning all carpets, but I missed a few little nooks (bottom edge of dishwasher door had a bit of dirt and when sun shone on cupboards you could see where I cleaned them... etc) and her conveyancer threatened to withhold $5000 for cleaning (WTF?!?!). We also had not finished collecting all our things, but as we had not settled this should not have been an issue. Our agent made it an issue even tho I had already told her partner we were picking up things. Apparently the message never got through. Also we had mowed lawns the weekend before, but as the weather had been perfect for grass growing it was a bit higher than buyer wanted.

I had left a bunch of vegies in garden (unharvested) and some chopped wood for her, as well as some shelves in the shed for her stuff. We figured she might like that. Well after all the stress DH went and removed all of it - leaving her no firewood and removing some more vegies at the end of their season (there were still a lot of vegies left that would be ready soon tho). We just threw away the shelves.

They had no right to withhold money anyway and our conveyancer told our Agent off for even suggesting such garbage. Yes OUR AGENT was ringing harassing us BEFORE it had even settled. Our conveyancer told them to stop being stupid as what they were suggesting was ridiculous. It turns out her conveyancer meant $500 and backpedalled his way out fast (knowing he was in the wrong). Nothing was withheld and settlement went through fine.

Now my stepmum does not believe most of this stuff came from buyer as she says she is actually a lovely person and would never complain about this sort of thing. She thinks my Agent suggested it wasn't clean enough. We are not obliged to clean it at all, but we had 4 people cleaning over 2 days. I admit to missing small areas, but it was darn clean according to everyone else who saw it. It was also only 2 years old, so not much time to collect lots of dirt. It has been suggested many times that I am OTT about making sure things are clean anyway, but I am pregnant and some VERY SMALL areas were missed. We know that the issue about removing stuff was the agents fault as we had already told her partner we would be back before settlement to do it.

There were also issues about the settlement date - which we said we didn't want to be over 60days, but in end was over 80. Then we asked to move forward a week which was denied. Then days before settlement her conveyancer asked if THEY could move forward 2 days. Which was when I had steam cleaners booked for. It turned out she had to rent a guest house for 3 weeks while waiting on settlement and if they message that we wanted to move sooner had ever been passed on we would all have been happier.

Now this Buyer had sent me a Facebook Friend request. I feel a bit of ickiness toward her - even tho I know it may not have been her fault. I also miss my house we built (the first we had owned) and the garden. We have moved into a rental until after baby is born and then we are moving back to the US, so selling was what we wanted, but I still feel sad.

Do I accept her request and potentially let in someone who MAY then harass me if things are not to her liking in house? Or do I trust she is actually a nice person who may want to keep me updated on the garden etc?
(she knows I am proud of garden and plans to do more work that I never got around too. My stepmum has also said the Buyer told her that my carrots are delicious LOL)

I wouldn't but then again I'm one of those odd people whose Facebook friends are actually friends.

if she isn't actually a friend of yours then I would not accept the request.

You could allow, than block and delete if she starts to demand things from you. But if you just want to 'move on' don't accept the friend request. If asked why you did not accept the request just be truthful, you don't owe her anything

I'd just leave the request alone for a while. A friend request (IMO) should come from friends and acquaintances, but you said you don't actually know her.

So no, I wouldn't accept the request.

No, I think leave the house selling/buying as a "business'arrangement and leave facebook for people you actually have a rreal connection with.

That is kind of what I am thinking. I have a few friends of friends who might play a game I have and I do have dance acquaintances on FB to share event info. But this kind of feels ... Odd.
She is good friends with my stepmums circle of friends, but I think I just want to move on. Nevertheless, I am a bit worried she might be offended (I don't want it to become an issue amongst my SM's friends). This is the problem with small towns I was worried I was being overly sensitive.

I might leave the request alone and suss out what my Stepmum thinks too.

No, it sounds like she is a friend of your step parents and not yours, so I wouldn't.

You have to ask?

Wow I can't believe that you wrote such a long post about the matter. It's pretty simple really, if you don't want her as a friend don't accept the request. You don't owe her anything.

I think you have answered your own question, you are not comfortable with it.

I'd probably accept - this is exactly the sort of thing Facebook is for, IMO. It's easy enough to delegate her to the acquaintances list, and block her access to much of your facebook, if you don't feel comfortable. And it is also very easy to just ignore the request to begin with. Do what feels right to you. But I'd be inclined to think she might also feel bad about all the stuff-ups and is just trying to say there's no bad blood?

No, I don't have to ask. I was curious what others thought and as to whether my uncomfortable feelings about it were the "norm". Again - small town - big attitudes. It can cause all sorts of issues if someone gets "offended".


Pessi - that is a good point. As I have been told she is a nice person this is quite possible. Thanks - I hadn't really thought if it that way

I wouldn't accept.

I only use it for friends and people I want to develop better friendships with. It doesn't sound like either is true for you.

no I would not accept her friend request.

It wouldn't stop me having a look at her page though - whatever she has public anyway.

Nope dont accept it. It was a business transaction, she is friends with your stepmum, not you, and why would you bother accepting if you only want to block it down the track?

If its just to have a sticky nose at what she has been doing to yur place then dont do it because she may rip out the vege garden, paint or knock down walls and do you reallyt want to see that and get a little disturbed by it?

I would leave it be, FB is for friends and it will prob just get more tricky down the track esp if she starts messaging you and asking questions etc or telling you she thonks you left the pklace in a mess... leave it.

No way! What a nutcase putting in a friend request to your vendor...sheesh some people are weird!

The settlement you went through sounds horrific, I'm about to go through the same thing (as the buyer)...judging by the behaviour of the agent and vendors solicitor before exchange I am expecting a shambles!

I wouldn't.

Good Luck! I hope it goes better for you than ours did.

I wouldn't.

Look what happened to poor daisy goat.

I would definitely not accept. Why open yourself up to any potential problems? Life is hard enough.

I wouldn't. It's a buisness deal not a friendship, I often delete friend requests. I was once told and shown, I don't know if you still can, that if you friend request someone and they just leave it and not reply you can then see a portion of their profile if it is on private.

** What happened to daisy goat***

No,shes not your friend, you dont actually know her, why would you trust her with all that information about your life.

I wouldn't, but I only have family and people who are as close as family to me on my facebook.

If I had more random people I might, but would probably restrict access till I sussed her out properly.

I wouldn't, nor would I go in to a long justification, I'd just ignore her request and press on. If we ever did cross paths and she felt the need to raise it, I'd just say I only have very close friends & family on there.

I think it's strange that you're evening asking whether you accept her friend request. I have not read all replies on here so do not know what the done thing(according to EB Land would be) but I definitely think it would be strange to accept her as a FB friends especially since you've had all that trouble.

Why on earth would she want to be friends with you? I am thinking the worst and assume that she will start to harass you.

No I wouldn't be accepting her friend request

If you saw her when out shopping would you stop for a quick chat?

If the the answer is no then that's your answer for the friend request.

This is how I tend to judge who is friend worthy.

Probably why I have only 77 friends compared to the hundreds other people have....

This is such a good way to think of it. I recently asked myself similar questions when I did a massive cull of my list. I also asked (as I have a lot of international friends after spending seven years living overseas) - if I visited their country would I want to visit them if I had time? If I answered no then I decided the "unfriend" them.

I wouldn't add her either.

Although I did message the previous owner of our house on Facebook once, but it was just to ask a question about where they bought the blinds, and I definitely wouldn't have friend requested her.

I wasn't even sure she would reply to answer my question, but she did - which was nice.

Rowena

I think it will complicate things.

I think it will complicate things.

I wouldn't add her as a friend on Facebook.

If she feels bad about what happened she could always leave a letter with your Dad or Stepmum to pass on to you.

Amanda

We co-incidentally sold our house to a friends sister and even let her in prior to settlement to paint. It worked out fine but when she in turn sold the house to a friend she has had no end of trouble with the buyer ringing her wanting her to fix things and complain.
I wouldn't do it but perhaps you can make some excuse so as to not offend e.g. we're moving back to the US.

Interesting question. I would certainly stop and say hello and ask if she is well. I would think it rude to be otherwise. This does not mean I want to be "friends" as such. I would be happy to answer questions about where we bought curtains/blinds or paint colours etc (altho I left sample pots so she would know anyway, as well as all appliance manuals). I don't want to get into a discussion about any issues she may have with property (I am very honest, so I was upfront about issues that the agent was not as honest about. ie: garden flooding in heavy rain).

She does know we are moving to US.

Thank you all for your answers. I appreciate the input and I have decide to ignore request for the moment. Should she decide she really wants to contact me, she can ask my stepmum.

I don't know if I would accept. The fact they are friends with your parents is relevant. Perhaps now that they've met you they feel 'closer' because of the friendship with your parents.

Regarding the settlement issues - we also had massive problems with our current purchase, and it took a while but has eventually become clear that all the problems are caused by the vendors conveyancer. I would give her the benefit of the doubt over that one.

Just do what you feel comfortable with.

short answer - no way. Just move on, and avoid potential stress.

Um, no. My Facebook friends are, well, my friends. Not just randoms who pop up and request it, even if I have met them at some stage.

I didn't read the whole OP, it just went on and on... You really don't need that many reasons to decline the request.

I don't think I would accept

im another who uses fb for friends and family, not random acquaintances

Hi OP, I believe most people just like to friend people on fb because they are friendly and Im not precious about FB friends so if I dont know somebody welll I ususally just add them as limited profile.
But houses can be very emotive, so under the circumstance I probably wouldnt add her. She might complain about this and that with the house down the track.

People need to remember too that EVERY house has minor problems even brand new ones.

Depends on whether you're a 'friend' collector or not. But I wouldn't accept, and I wouldn't decline either.

Are your Dad or Stepmum on facebook?
If they are, this lady can have your stepmum as a friend, and tag her on photos of the house or garden.
Then if you are a facebook friend to your stepmum, you would be able to see the photos that have your stepmum tagged.

Personally, I wouldn't put her as a friend.

We had a cyber security talk at school (one for the kids, one for the parents), and one this the presenter recommended for EVERYONE is that you keep your facebook friends to actual friends. For the kids, she advised if you don't know them in person, delete them (this was any social media site, like club penquin etc as well as facebook)
That there are a few levels of people who might be on your facebook list
- close friends/family
- aquaintances through common interests eg other school mums, or people from dance, who aren't actually friends but I know them.
- randoms. Friends of friends of friends, complete unknowns.

Advice was "Get rid of the randoms"