Hi everyone, I really need some advice....

My dad was diagnosed with an aggressive form of lung cancer about 4 weeks ago, and our lives have turned upside down.

I have 2 younger brothers (24&26) who are not coping well (no one is) but one of them is fighting with my dad about silly things. Ive just had my mum on the phone distraught about this. In the time we all need to stick together, its all falling apart. How do you fathom loosing your dad? How does everyone get through it?

Dad is so worried about things financially, how hes going to pay bills etc as he will have to finish up work soon, he is extremely stressed as is my mum, I dont know how to help them My brother is really adding to the stress.

Please help, do you have any advice for my family. I have recently become a single mum in the last few months so I dont have any other real support anymore bar my parents. Thank you in advance

Sorry to hear of your father. Try contacting the cancer council they have counsellors and support services for suffers and their families.

Can you and your other siblings sit down with your brother and bring his behaviour to his attention? He might not even realise how he's affecting others. Sorry you guys are struggling with it.

Your brother is probably grieving too. People who are grieving can do silly things. I am sorry he's been a tool, it doesn't help at a time like this

has your dad been given the contact number of a social worker at the hospital? They can key you into some counselling as well

I am so sorry you are going through this

I think you'll fond your brother is behaving this way because he is unreasonably angry with your dad - I know it seems weird but that how some people react. When your father starts to undergo treatment then he will likely have a cancer care team which includes a social worker who should help your dad & family through this difficult time. In the meantime someone not your dad needs to sit down with your brother & talk to him about his response & why he is so angry. Your dad doesn't need anymore stresses at this time (& neither does your mum) he will need to focus all his energies on the months ahead.

You could contact a social worker at Centrelink who may be able to help with getting any payments sorted out for your parents & take some of the pressure off them financially?

Good luck with it all.

XxAmethyst

Thank you for your replies. I really appreciate it. I have just returned home from popping in for a 'surprise' visit to cheer them up (mum asked me to bring the kids around after our conversation)

My brother definately is struggling, however he is very selfish in alot of his thinking and is expressing only how much this is going to affect him. He has sent mum an awful text I have seen and thats why mum is understandable upset. He is away at the moment and returns wednesday and dad has said if he continues to carry on he will be asked to leave (he current lives with them).

Dad is getting in touch with his super ann company tuesday when they reopen to see if he can access any of those funds then will be contacting c/link after that. They have alot of debt (mostly cc so are stressing) I advised mum today to try see a financial advisor, surely they would be able to advise them on what to do with the debt etc?

The social worker is a good idea/point. I hope they will get one (its all still very new, Im not sure hes been allocated one yet) My dad isnt one to express much emotion or talk about hard things so I hope he can fins someone to talk about.

Does anyone know anyone who has had a lung reduction? They want to operate very soon to remove atleast 1/3 of each lung. Mum and dad have mixed feelings about it and how he would live after (quality).

Once brother returns home Im hoping to have a chat with him and hopeful we can pull together no matter how hard it is, no of us want to loose him

Your local council may run a Financial Counselling service which is free and impartial advice, your parents should look at that and also look at any insurance policies they have. We were surprised to find out that the Critical Illness Policy we had taken out was going to pay us a lump sum after DH's diagnosis. Before your Dad resigns from work he should look into whether he has any cover under his work Super scheme etc, they often have a payment for disability that he should be entitled to.

I'm sorry your brother is behaving so badly, it is a stressful time for everyone and he needs to grow up and find something positive he can do to redirect his emotions. Best of luck for your Dad's surgery.

We have a family member who had half of one lung removed last year. She didn't have to have any Chemo or Radio. So far so good.
I also had a good friend who was able to access her super while she was battling cancer. I think you have to prove you aren't able to work for the forseeable future.