Hi all,

Bub #2 is due in Feb and I'm wondering if it's better to get the visitors 'out of the way' while in hospital rather than have longer visits at home where I'll feel more stressed because I'll have a 17 month old to look after as well, not to mention make cups of tea, make sure the toilet is clean... etc.

For anyone who's been there before, would you recommend letting people know you'd prefer quick visits while you're still in hospital?


Thanks

I have no clue. I just wanted to say that David is adorable! But I'm sure you've heard that a few times

I think I preferred the hospital visits as the kids were restricted and the visits were quicker. With home visits, rellies tended to bring their kids and they coughed over the baby and stayed hours instead of ten or twenty minutes. But I didn't really specify to anyone, they mostly just visited me at hospital, and those who didn't see the baby came to the house.

We have a baby welcoming afternoon tea the Sunday after we are home. All friends and family are invited to come meet the new addition between 2 and 5. We just had some coffee, tea, juice, fruit and some cake. The house looked lovely because we received some fresh flowers for their birth. And I have very special photos of all our friend and family celebrating our child.

Another upside, only one big chunk of visitors and then you are free.

I'd get the visitors at hospital personally I have just had bub 2 and ds is 22 mths and I am
Cringing when ppl are asking to come over atm

Aw thanks! We call him Davey, he's such a monkey

I have no experience in the department but a friend of mine has. For her second and third children she asked visitors to come to the hospital. She also asked that the first 2 weeks they have no visitors so they could adjust as a family. That way the older children bonded with the new baby and fewer jealousy issues arose.

I am planning on immediate family only in hospital (I should only really be there 2 nights anyway) and then only HELPFUL visitors at home in the short time after that. This means that if they come, they are bringing a meal (or at least some sweets), or are doing some housework for me, and are definitely, minimally, making their own damn tea. I have faith that my visitors will be able to work out my kettle and whatnot. I don't believe (despite the commercials) that anyone will be inspecting my loo. There's a toilet brush there they are free to use if they deem necessary

Perhaps my plans are a little naive? I am looking forward to advice of the experienced. GL OP

I was happy for friends with kids to come and visit me at home with their kids as this was a good distraction for my DS and took some of the focus of the baby for him!

I asked friends to visit whilst DH was still home. He was in charge of the tea and cleaning the toilet!

I have always found the constant stream of visitors, both in hospital and at home, really annoying. I don't know why people do it. I'd never impose on someone who had just had a baby. I've never put my foot down about it, and I'm not having any more kids so it won't be an issue again, but I have a friend who had what I thought was a brilliant idea when she had her second child. She told everybody beforehand that she didn't want any visitors for the first few weeks, but when she and her husband were on top of things and ready to see people they'd have an "open day" at home. And it worked: everyone left them alone, and then they phoned people and told them to come over any time they liked one particular Saturday about 4 weeks after the baby was born. On that Saturday, they had people in and out of the house all day but they were ready for it and it was over and done with in a day. I guess a spin-off of that idea is to invite people around in groups; maybe invite some people for lunch one day per week, and specify a time frame (for example, from midday until 1:30pm). Not sure if any of that helps, but that "open day" idea really worked for my friend.

Bah ha ha

Wishful thinking I suspect!

I definitely preferred hospital visits.

You have nothing else to do in there but tend to the baby and lie around. No cleaning, hot meals cooked for you, the tiredness is fairly new & you are still buzzing from the arrival of this beautiful new baby.

About a week or two later when everyone wants to pop in at home you are tired beyond tired, juggling an emotional todder, baby, housework etc. Guests expect a drink or cuppa. Ugh i dreaded every one to be honest and couldn't wait until they were over.

I vote hospital visits all the way.

I think you're on the right track. After four kids, I've had plenty of good visitors and plenty of bad ones. The good ones walk in the door, walk straight to the clean laundry basket and start folding while they're talking to you. They put the kettle on and offer to make YOU a cup of tea. The last time I went to visit a friend who'd just had a baby - at her invitation - I made a casserole, bought some groceries and walked into the house while announcing that I'd put the casserole and groceries in the fridge and clean up the kitchen, make a cup of tea for us both, drink the tea with her and then leave. Which is exactly what I did. The bad visitors are another thing altogether, and my in-laws (especially my mother-in-law) were the worst of the worst. Stayed for hours while their kids ran amok and trashed the house, sat on their backsides expecting to be waited on hand and foot, told me I'd put on too much pregnancy weight and would never get it off... it went on and on. As time went on, they ceased to be an issue because we moved interstate.

One thing that worked for my sister was keeping a 'chore list' on her kitchen bench. It was titled "Jobs For Visitors" and contained things like: cleaning the bathroom, vacuuming, doing laundry, folding laundry, cooking a meal if they were there around mealtimes, feeding the dogs and washing dishes. The list was kept on the bench where people would see it straight away, and it was a subtle way of letting people know that it was not okay for them to spend hours sitting on the sofa doing nothing. People either didn't stay long or got stuck into the chores and made themselves useful!

I have a David nickname Davey too. You have great taste!

I prefer in hospital definitely. The people don't stay long, you don't have to cater (ie drinks, tea or coffee) and it's OK to be in pj's when they visit. I HATE home visits as the house is a mess those first few weeks.

Last baby I lived a couple of hours away so we had a decent chunk of time with DD before the onslaught. This time we will only be allowed to stay in hospital for 6 hours and we live close to everybody, so we've decided to have no visitors in hospital (which in itself is bound to p*ss people off, I don't care). Once we get home immediate family will be welcome to have a short visit to meet the baby, but that will be it for the first week or so. Besides bonding time, I am not the sort of person that likes to have people milling about my house for hours doing nothing, drives me insane. But then I'm a b*tch, I don't care who I p*ss off, I'll just be upfront and honest about what is ok.

I'm definitely the odd one out! I LOVE visitors, whether it be in hospital or out!! Maybe I just have more considerate friends and relatives (???) but no one stayed for hours on end, I rarely had to make any tea or coffee or anything (would always offer but most would always say no, or make it themselves).

I'm happy for anyone to visit me whenever. And will actually welcome it! My DS (he will be 2 years, 5 months when the next one arrives) will love it to, people to talk to!

Me too, I thought I was going to be the only one! I really appreciated visitors both in hospital and at home, after both babies. Provided they checked it was a convenient time (which they all did) it was fine. I appreciated the adult company, I enjoyed showing off my new babies, and they all came bearing lovely presents . Visitors to our home usually brought something for morning/afternoon tea (I always do this when visiting a new baby too) and it's really not that hard to make someone a tea or coffee.

I just had DD#2 a few weeks ago & we said NO VISITORS in the hospital & no one has come over to visit at home (which we love!). It's hard enough getting BFing down pat & lack of sleep ontop of keeping the older kids entertained. & what if someone was sick? They'd give it to your newborn & then you'll loose even more sleep (that was our thought especially with this weird/cold weather in Summer). Of course we saw immediate family but no friends & if they got offended, let them as there was no offence intended.

If you were to say only visitors in hospital, who's to say they won't visit you at home as well?


ETA: Let words out.

Our answer to this dilemma was to include as part of the birth announcement "we will let you know when we are ready to welcome visitors". Most of our friends/family were reasonable enough to interpret this as either call first or wait for an invitation.

A few friends and my in-laws visited in hospital at our invitation on the day after the birth and the second day, which gave me enough time to have a decent night's sleep and recover a bit. My mum and sister visited the day after we got home, it was lovely as they brought lunch with them for all of us as well as gifts

Idea- totally pinched. Thanks!

I find the hospital confining and lonely, especially with DH home with the 3 yr old. So visitors were very welcome. I found people to be sensible enough to realise not to overstay their welcome and have low expectations with regards to hospitality at home. So either or both is good with me.

I just stick to visiting hours so you can try to plan for some rest time between feeds.

QUOTE (Cranky Kitten @ 21/12/2011, 05:33 PM) Our answer to this dilemma was to include as part of the birth announcement "we will let you know when we are ready to welcome visitors".


We had friends do this - we didn't take offence & I think it was a gret idea. We are planning on doing this when we eventually have our first.

We did the welcome home party at home the weekend after getting home and will do the same again this time. It worked really well for us.

All i had to do was ring Woolworths and order a cake for MIL to pick up on her way over. Some people brought plates of nibbles without being asked. DH organised some softdrinks & disposable cups.

My mum came a bit earlier to help make sure the bathroom / toilet were clean and i was ok with the washing up. Then organised Tea & Coffee for people.

After 2 hours everyone had had a cuddle and gone.

This was also special because both our parents had visited in hospital the day DS arrived but we still didnt have a name for him until we left the hospital a few days later. We ended up keeping his name a surprise until the welcome home party.

Not sure about the hospital v's home visits thing, but when I had DS (at home, so no 'hiding' at hospie ) we advised in our announcement that we had visiting hours.

* no more than 4 people at a time between 10 and 2pm
* please call the night before, in case it was not ideal.

EVERYONE was happy and completely respectful of our wishes. Never had to ask someone to leave, because they were all understanding that mum, dad and bub needed family time.

Just thought that might be helpful

as Birth Centre, it was under 24 hours that I was home except for after DS2 when we went up to the main hosp just before we were hoping to go home, as a precaution (so no one was expecting us to be up there)
and when I got really really sick after DS3 and ended up in hosp 2 days after he was born.

For me I preferred BC or Hosp as for me, I was still 'wired' with all the baby bliss hormones, so when Baby was asleep and I had tidied the room for the tenth time lol I had nothing else to do...

for the non-hosp and coming home right after Baby was born, from the Birth Centre, my Mum was with us for a week or so after each birth and had the magic wand with the house and kids and then after she went home, it was just me, with school and Kindy runs, grocery, house and the usuals.

That said, my last baby was the only NB I had who slept regularly for 4hrs and had to be woken. I was also (once discharged) having to take AB every 3-4hours so was cleaning in between feeds etc as well... that's the only time no one came over, lol, when everything was 'done'.

in short, hosp or BC visits preferred here, unless you're a good friend and know not to be expecting to be waited on.
Some closer friends I don't mind when they come, no matter and they will help. But other people truly expected to be waited on and imo that's just not on.

Good luck OP

Just wanted to say this is an awesome idea and I plan to do it next time and tell everyone unknown having a bub about it. Means u get to rest in hospital and bond with bub and when u get home just need to have one day of socialising and needing to look "human" :pSeriously great way of doing things!

I would prefer hospital.

With DD2 this is what i was going to do however due to circumstances i was not up to visitors at all.

We put a note out with our relatives and friends that we would be in touch when things had settled down however a friend didn't like this and told everyone i was not letting anyone see the baby. GRR

Never mind that we had a sh*tty few months leading up to the birth e.g.:Yasi, moved house, dd arrived 2 weeks early.

Do whatever you feel comfortable with at the time.

Get all the visitors over and done with in hospital. At home people stay longer and I found it exhausting!

I was home 4 hours after DD2's birth. But we didn't allow any visitors until DD2 was 2 days old. I was so grateful to sleep in my own bed & have a shower at home & DH cleaning the house for visitors

That's my experience. I loved it. It's not for everyone.

^^^Just brilliant

This is me, too


If you are concerned though, then I think this is a great idea!

Another one who thinks hospital visits are great. People don't tend to stay too long and you have the perfect excuse to sit up in bed in your pjs with birdsnest hair

Mind you, i've always loved visitors at home as well. I've certainly never had any expectations that people are going to come over and start cleaning/washing or cooking for me but i also don't think they have expectations that my house will be pristine and i'll have freshly baked cakes for them.

I dont know about the second child scenario as havnt got there yet, but I can see where juggling the two with having visitors at home might be difficult, depending on your visitors...

It might also depend on your delivery as well i.e. recovery.. you mightnt want anyone in the hospital if your not up to it..

Me personally, I didnt have lists or expectations of visitors doing jobs etc.. My DH was home for the first couple of weeks and I made it very very clear to everyone we wanted that time to ourselves to bond with the bub and get settled. Everyone understood and gave us our space.. inlaws and family included (they popped over only if they called first)

After that, if someone came round, they called first, if they wanted a drink and I was feeding or whatever, I told them to help themselves..

If it was a visit on a day I was exhausted or didnt feel overly social, when they arrived I said it would have to be a short visit as bub hadnt had much sleep and needed to go down soon, so the visit time wasnt too long and drawn out.