Hi Ladies

I am looking for help for my good friend who has just found out she is expecting twins. She is devastated and has no idea how she will cope. She is a diabetic and has a 4 year old DD. She suffered from PND quite badly the first time around after many years of TTC. It took her a long time to feel confident enough in her own health and well being to try for another baby and now she is expecting two!

I guess what I'm looking for here is words of wisdom from anyone who might have been in this position. ie. Never expected or wanted a multiple pregnancy. How do you come to terms with the idea? Is there any reading material you found helpful? How did you manage in the early days? How do you help siblings cope with the arrival of two new babies?

I am very worried about her and would like to support her as best I can, so she can get to the point where she can see the positives ahead and not just the negatives.

Lots of questions - I hope someone can help!

Amanda

Edited to clarify her twins were concieved naturally, she has never had fertility treatment, so it was all very unexpected.

Amanda, DH, DS & DD

This message was edited by LachieBear on Wednesday, 16 November 2005 @ 8:29 PM

Hi Amanda

First, I would recommend your friend get in contact with your local Multiple Birth Assoc. They are all run by parents of multiples and can be a great support before and after the babies arrive. If you go to http://www.amba.org.au you will find the details of your local club.

On the subject of reading material, I would strongly suggest "Twins: An Emotional and Practical Guide" by Katrina Bowman and Louise Ryan. Its Australian, and one of the authors (I forget which) admits to similar feelings on finding out she was having twins. I found that part very helpful.

Although twins are a wonderful and special joy, it is not uncommon for people to go through a rough patch when they first find out. It can be quite overwhelming. I know I struggled with it early on in my pregnancy. Its almost embarrassing to admit that now, but I think its important that those of us who experienced it do. I didn't feel like I could talk about it during pregnancy, I felt so ungrateful and silly - if only I had known I wasn't alone!

It goes without saying she should feel free to join us here too. Feel free to PM me any time.

Nicolie
DDs Paige & Hannah (23/09/03)


Give us a hug Sis!

I think your friend is normal for her feelings, you take the plunge prepared for one baby to look after and all of a sudden when it is twins that committment seems to have more than doubled and seems so daunting. But like most people we came to terms with it. While I was pregnant my husband and I would look at each other and say, what have we done, one would really would have been enough. We now look at the babies and can't imagine one of them not being there and we try to decide which one was the "bonus baby". We generally decide on the second twin. She's our little bonus princess.
That's why the MBA is good, you can see that there is a whole bunch of people who have bene through it and look they have survived, they are happy and life is good. THere is always someone out there who has more on their plate than you! Just think it could have been quads!
We have an elder daughter who was 2.5 when the babies were born and we just didn't know how we would get through those difficult first months. Fortuneately it does go quickly, more so the the second time around and even quicker with twins.

I had a very difficult birth with my elder daughter and had pnd after her birth, I didn't suffer pnd after the twins birth and despite the extra work, I found it much easier to cope with two babies and toddler than I did with just one baby and pnd.

What I found essential was for my elder daughter to have time away from me and the twins during the day, it really helped as I could attend to their needs and she wasn't having to compete for our attention constantly.
We always put the babies to be early sometimes at 5:00, so we could have evenings with her. I think it helped all concerned especially the twins as they have been very good sleepers, not sleep through the night miracle babies but when they woke they would settle quite well.
Our elder daughter seems to have coped fine with two babies, I think with young children and their limited life experience twins aren't a big deal and she doesn't really think it is that unusual or something to be that worried about. To her it is just what happens in life nothing to stress about, you can learn alot from young kids sometimes. In my mother's group of just four mothers and toddlers the same age as her, 3 of us had second babies within a month and my daughter has never really seemed to notice or query why we have 2 babies and the other's only have one.
I hope your friend has a healthy pregancy.




cheers
Beth
dd Alana 3 yrs
dd & ds Charlotte & Samuel 11mths

I was the same. I foulf out I was pregnant when I did a HPT, I didn't even go see the doctor for about another month after that. Myself and my Dh just had to get around the fact that I was pregnant especially as our DD was only 10 months. So yes I went to the doctor and it was confirmed by another pregnancy. I didnt know dates or anything so they sent me for a scan. And yes there was 2 heads, clear as day. I had to make jokes about it as I was going to cry. Now we had to get our heads around having twins. I can tell u it took a few good months. Eventually as time went on and I had another scan and found out the sex of my twins I started to get excited.
My DD was so so good when the twins were born she didnt get jelous she sat with me and touched them and gave them kisses. She was put into a big bed and transitioned well, she gets me nappies etc. Now she is a bit more fiesty as Isabella can crawl and get into her toys but we sort it out.
As most people say the first few months are the hardest but Im sure that if your friend has someone like you to help her out then she will be fine. All I did when people came over was let then spend time with the twins and I went for a sleep even if it was 1/2 hour. It helped. If you need to PM on anything feel free.

hugs and Kisses
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Thank you so much for all your replies. I was worried after I posted that people might judge her for the way she is feeling right now. It is so nice to know that she is not alone!

I have already passed your words of support on.

Amanda

Amanda...huge hugs to you for being such a supportive and caring friend. Your friend is very lucky to have you and I'm sure will find your friendship invaluable over the coming months.

Ditto to what everyone has said so far...it is a huge thing to come to terms with. I remember feeling so many different things throughout my pg. Excitement, fear, joy, frustration, happiness, sadness, trepidation, overwhelmed, just to name a few...sometimes all in one day!

I STILL to to this day look at my girls sometimes and can't believe that they are mine...that I gave birth to TWO babies...it still has the power to gobsmack me!

Although I haven't had any personal experience with PND I can imagine her concern this time around...however given that she has suffered prior to this I'm sure that her GP and other health professionals involved in her care will be taking extra special note this time around...also given that she is aware herself I'm sure will help in heading off any problems should they arise.

There's no denying it is a hard but it is such a wonderful, precious thing to be a part of. I really think I learned alot about myself through the whole experience. I had to change certain things about myself, and was able to cope with alot more than I thought I ever could. Having the support of my DH and family was also a huge factor. Sometimes you do have to swallow your pride and ask for or accept help, something I really had trouble with early on...I soon learned!

I wish your friend all the best, and say again how lucky she is to have someone like you to look out for her...she's well on the way already!

‚

Sharyn
Meg14/4/99
Hannah & Josie 22/3/04 (33 wks)
DH David



...some days are diamonds
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