Hi

I think i am having a bad day...make that bad WEEK

They have started getting unsettled in the early hours of the morning - both of them. I think one gets the other one going...

My question is 'WHEN DOES IT GET EASIER?' I know people say 'enjoy your babies' but enjoy WHAT exactly?

Ok ok I think i am being unfair - there are good moments

I feel they are getting more and more needy and I cant handle two of them at the same time - especially when they keep crying and crying and just want to be cuddled!

Is there a magical month when things start improving?

(sorry about the winge...)

Love, Ali

Hi Ali - don't ever feel you need to apologise for having a whinge on this board - that's what we're here for and we've all been there (or will be!). I can't say there was a magical month when things got easier but I can say that I found the first 6 months VERY VERY hard, so don't feel that you're alone. It's all very well for people to say "enjoy your babies" but they're not dealing with two lots of work plus the huge adjustment to motherhood.

I think important milestones for us were when the girls started sleeping through the night (first from after the 10 pm feed when they were around 10 weeks old and then for 12 hours at about 4 months - but they were born at 37 weeks). With multiples I think it's really important to get sleep as much under control as possible. If you're not getting enough sleep, it's hard to cope with the day.

The other things which got me through were routine (I was the routine queen) and occasional breaks - at the least I got out for a walk on my own for an hour in the weekend. Even that was enough to recharge the batteries a little.

But the thing which saved me and my sanity in the end was the decision to go back to paid work 3 days a week when the girls were 6 months old. That was a turning point for me as I got out of what I called "baby prison". It may sound harsh but I just wasn't cut out to be at home 24/7 with the girls. We've all been much happier since I went back to work (4 days a week now).

Most of all go easy on yourself. This time will pass and before you know it you'll have two toddlers talking at you from the back of the car and insisting on doing thing themselves.

A wise friend with now-adult twins told me when the babies were little that when you're a parent of multiples, the days are long but the years are short. This too will pass.

Take care



Maree

Eleanor 1/8/03
Harriet 1/8/03

When people told me "Enjoy your babies" I don't think I had the time to.

Take some time out if possible even a hour shopping trip (window or otherwise) will make all the difference. I found getting away from them (sounds terrible) for short bursts made my state of mind better.

I can tell you, nearly a year has passed for me and the first 6months were a blur and those moments of frustation/dispair/exhaustion etc. seem like tiny speck on the radar.

I prescribe shopping and or Massage!!

Lauren

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gee thanks for your replies ladies..

I think lack of sleep have contributed to the feelings of frustration and despair..

I get stressed cos I cant get them into a routine, when they cry, when they get unsettled, etc etc. To be honest sometimes its too hard to try and get them into a routine cos im just too tired!

Marie and Lauren - you are both doing so well! I wish I had your strength!

My inlaws look after the babies sometimes and I get a break to go shopping - problem is I want to get out more and more now!! Sometimes I feel like disappearing for 6 months and coming back when they are older! How awful huh?


I know I am sooo very lucky to have these two beautiful boys..its just so hard sometimes...

thanks for your replies

My bubs have just turned 9 months and I think it is getting a bit more easier for me now. One is crawling and the other isnt but they are a bit more independant no days. It will get easier I promise. Then they will get to a certain age and it will get hard again. It never ends. I too have the days where I wished I had never had children then my DD says something or one of the twins smile at you or pull a face and that feeling quickly goes away.
Hope it all goes better for you.

hugs and Kisses
Catherine

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This message was edited by 3babies2love on Friday, 21 October 2005 @ 7:59 PM

Firstly Alibub take a long look at your gorgeous little boys and remember you brought these two amazing little miracles in to this world so you must have been doing something right!
You are not alone in what you are feeling I think everyone on this board has felt like that at sometime or another. Geez I felt like it again last week and my girls are one. As everyone does say it does get easier but every day there is a new challenge.
The first 3 months is by far the hardest and guess what..... you have survived them!!!! You have to keep up with your rest though. Maybe when your family come over take some time out to have 40 winks. I found also that I was not eating enough to keep up my strength so double check your diet. Banana's are always fantastic energy burst food. As far as getting them in a routine everday they are trying harder and harder to get in to YOUR routine. It's all new for them too but yes one day it will just fall in to place. My girls got their stuff sorted out in their 4th month.

Don't ever feel guilty for your feelings you are only human and with lack of sleep you are ten times more emotional. Just because you have bad days does not mean you love your bubs any less but some advice.... if that is how your feeling you have come to the best place in the world for support.... EB. the ladies on here will never judge you but they will always support you and that feeling like you are the only one in the world who is feeling like you do.... quickly disappears. Never be afraid to say how you feel because once you have got it off your chest it is amazing how it makes you feel especially talking to other multiple mums.
I'm sorry for my ramble I just really want you to know you are not alone and your feelings are natural. It will get easier Ali... I PROMISE !!!!!!

P.S. if they keep waking eachother up maybe think about seperating them.

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Just take it day by day... It never really gets easier it just goes to a different stage and you become really adept at dealing with twins. Like the other mums said time really does fly...
I cant believe my girls are 28 months old and sitting at the table and walking and talking and wearing underpants. I could never have imagined this when they were three months old and the sleep deprivation and breastfeeding was taking it's toll.

I used to always use the mantra from one of the twin books " remember this time next year they'll be walking to the table for dinner" and it's true.

Dont beat yourself up... try and duck out for a coffee and a break when you can. Be a stickler for routine with the bubs.

You've got an exciting 1st christmas with twins just around the corner...

Rebecca 32
Nathan 28
Fraternal twin girls Amber & Olivia 08/05/03

Hello!

I think they must have understood me when I kept on saying "WHATS WRONG??!!"

Cos today they were much better. They werent as unsettled this morning and I managed to get some sleep!

I was so distraught yesturday - i felt so inadequate as a mother - I keep wondering when they will sleep through, when they will be happier, when I will finally have a CLUE on how to raise them properly.

I thought - 'Maybe im just not trying hard enough...'

But im too tired to try harder!!

I think i should relax a little - i have to remind myself they are only little...

Thanks so much for your responses - thank god for EB. It makes me feel like there could be light at the end of the tunnel...(an oncoming train!! LOL!! only joking)


Love you all heaps and heaps, Ali

Hi Ali.

I remember those first 3-4 months so well. I had quite a few nights at 2am when they were both screaming when i said to DP what have we done.. i am not cut out for this!! Of course i would then apologise to the boys who were still screaming and tell them i loved them!! It does get easier. I think around 4 1/2 months is when it got easier for us. The boys started sleeping through (funnily they are waking again once or twice a night now), they interacted a lot more and were happy to play together. Around this stage (8/9 months) is so much fun. Seriuosly i don't remember all that well those awful few months as i think it is all a exhausted blur!!

Don't worry you will get through it - just relax when you can - get out BY YOURSELF when you can. I used to have saturday mornings, when i would go to a girlfriends place or go to teh gym or go to the shops just to have some peace and quiet. Seriously it does the world of good.

COme on here and whinge anytime! I have done it numerous times.. don't worry.. i think all mums (multiple mums especially) have been there!

Rach :-)

Rach (27) & BJ (35)

Hi Ali

I think I know exactly where you are coming from! I truly believe that it is all due to sleep deprivation-we would cope so much better with a full nights' sleep. However, we seem to adapt to a bit less sleep (hopefully not too much less eventually!)- and we get through each day. I am finding things are getting better all of the time. My boys still wake twice at night, but they settle pretty much straight away after a feed (touch wood that this continues!) which is great. I find myself falling asleep whilst feeding them though, so a 'sleep through' would be wonderful. I also agree that routine is key. Not only does it provide bubs with familiarity, it means we know what to expect- and again that makes things a whole lot easier. My sister was able to provide me with alot of advice re: time awake, time asleep, etc- and of course my boys don't follow it exactly, but it gives us a starting point to work from. I also found that once I started to recognise when they were tired things went alot more smoothly. Ins't it amazing though how you think you have a bit of a routine down pat- and then they change somehow and you have to re-think everything ;-) It is a real learning curve and character building, so please don't feel bad for being human Ali! You are doing a wonderful job raising two beautiful little babies :-)

Take care
Lindy

Hi Gals

My husband just took one of the boys out with him and i was at home with one...it was SOOOO EASY!

I didnt feel anxious about being at home alone like I usually do. It felt relaxing...like I could enjoy the baby...

I am getting better at reading tired signs now but it still varies every day. Sometimes they just wont sleep for more than an hour!!

So it seems the general consensus is that it gets better after 3 months...OK, ive got a month to go!!!
(theyre about 2 months corrected now)

The early mornings are still unsettled, I really dont know why. Why do they choose the worst time of the day?!

I have another question about routines though...

*Is a routine just making sure they sleep for more than 1.5hours and are awake for less than 2 hours? I try to incorporate sleep feed play but it varies on each sleep/feed - sometimes its all over the place (im breastfeeding)!

So what i mean is that they dont have their feeds at the same time every day - nor sleep - does this settle down after a while?

THANKS AGAIN FOR THE ENCOURAGEMENT LADIES!

Love, Ali xxxx

Hi Ali

In regards to 'routines'- I think it just means you follow a familiar pattern most of the time (note: not all of the time- we have to live our lives still eventually, so some flexibility is required). The times can vary- for me we roughly feed 4 hourly (though can be 3 or 5 sometimes- starting at 6am most days). Our days feeds are fairly predictable (roughly 6am, 10am, 2pm, 6pm), but nights are an unknown! (last night was midnight then 4am then started at 6am again. The day sleeps are alot shorter with my two atm- sometimes I struggle to get an hour out of them. I too basically follow a feed/play/sleep routine, but if they wake after only an hour I try to re-settle them. Sometimes they will, other times it is up for a bit more awake time before feeding (hoping that they don't howl!). So the routine is there, but its flexible. I think that as long as you are happy with what they do then that is great- don't stress if it does not go 'by the book' (just use 'the book' to help you into your own groove when you feel the need). Hope this makes some sense- i really should be in bed!!

Take care
:-) Lindy