Both of mine were born at about 35 weeks and I still feel regret and disappointment that I missed the experience of rest of my pregnancy. Does anyone else who had premmies feel the same?

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate that the outcomes of premmie births and overall birth experiences can be a lot more serious than mine. I just wanted to canvas EB and see if I was the only one feeling like this.

Both were born via emergency c-section at about 35 weeks. Both times I had developed HELLP syndrome and they had to come out. For DS I had some blood tests the afternoon before and got a call from the OB first thing the next morning saying get to hospital because the baby needs to come out. He had HMD and spent 2 weeks in SCN and while he was placed on my chest for a minute or two at delivery, it was another 4 days before I got to nurse him. For DD, I had finished work the day before and was desperately looking forward to a few weeks at home but went into labour early the very next morning. Similar story again, got to hospital, did blood tests and out bub came. Got to hold her on my chest at delivery and fortunately again in the ward for a few minutes with oxygen before she spent over 2 weeks in SCN, again with HMD and not nursed again until about day 4.

I'm thankful that the outcome for all of us was positive but on the same hand I feel a little cheated that I missed those last few weeks of pregnancy. I felt like I ran at a million miles an hour throughout pregnancy with work, study, family etc. and really wanted to stop and enjoy and remember.

It really took me until I had passed their actual due date to begin to come to terms with not having had those last few weeks of pregnancy and I still miss them. Anyone else feel the same?

DS was a 35 weeker as well and yes, I would have dearly have put him back and enjoyed a few weeks off work before he was born.

It took me time also to bond with him because I just wasn't ready.

Having said that, I am also pleased that he was born healthy and there were no complications - he just needed 12 days in special care getting bigger and learning to feed. At aged 10 is a wonderful, beautiful boy.

Simple answer YES. Still get occassionally teary about it and definitely envious of anyone who can grow an obvious baby bump.

And I'm not very tolerant when listening to people whinge about their later pregnancy discomfort either I'm afraid. I manage a little sympathy for those past due but heaven help anyone less than term who complains they want their bub out or they're over being pregnant. Lecture and snide remark city I'm afraid to confess.

What I would have given to see DS properly at birth, let alone have a cuddle. Not to mention being able to cuddle whenever you felt like it in the days/ weeks after birth. Sitting beside your baby's box is not a fun start to the bonding process.

From talks with other prem Mums I know I'm not alone and neither are you. Just another of those "issues" you get when your a prem Mum.

Hi 2xmum,

Absolutely. #1 was born at 35w with an unexpected quick spontaneous labour and AROM once fully dilated. I didn't think I was in labour, so the quick birth etc came as a real shock to me. I would say that I 'mourned' the rest of the pregnancy, as I hadn't finished work and was completely unprepared mentally at the time (I was still in 'work' mode).

For #2 I made sure I finished work earlier at 33w and was very, very organised, so that if #2 arrived early it wouldn't make the same impact. By 36w my Ob laughed and commented that I must feel 'overdue' and I did! Seems so silly. DS was born at 38w, and TBH I don't think I could have handled going to 40w, as I was really quite 'over it' by then. I did however really try to relish the end of the pregnancy, and had pregnancy photos done too.

I don't know how to ease your mind, but I did feel how you are feeling after #1 was born. Fwiw, I saw a psychiatrist for a while to deal with the 'shock'. I didn't have PND, but had guilt issues from the sudden premature birth, and the fact that DH hadn't made it to the birth in time. It took me ages to work through the guilt, but DD is a thriving 2yo now, so I know there was no harm to her.

i had my ds1 at 31 6 weeks, lucky only 4 1/2 weeks in hospital and ds2 at 33 3weeks and 2 1/2 weeks in hospital but i would have to say this is something i have never though about at time i just wanted to get my boys home. I think i try not to think too much about it has it was a hard time.

Im sure your not are alone in feeling this way it is a very hard time when you have premmie.

Yes.....
DS #1 spontaneous Labour at 37 weeks IUGR, I had only just finished work 3 day's before going into labour. I hadnt prepared anything, DP was washing baby clothes to bring to the hospital!
DS #2 all good born on due date! and I loved every minute of having a huge hard belly
DD #3 induced labour at 36 weeks IUGR as well, I went from work to have one of my weekly Ultrasounds and the Dr said I wasnt going home. So I was sitting there in my work uniform ringing my boss to fill my shift for the next morning :S while they were inducing me. Not fun, I wanted to hang out at home have a rest, get ready and spend some time with my boy's. I was also planning a walk in walk out birth, DD ended up being special care for a week.

My best friend didn't know she was pregnant until week 13 (long story), and then had her DS at 32 weeks, the day she was supposed to go on mat leave - she often talks about how she feels she missed so much of being pregnant, and didn't really have a chance to enjoy it.

Yes and no, my first was born at 31 weeks via emerg csect, with him I missed that I didn't get to experience more of the pregnancy and getting a belly would have been nice as I never looked pregnant just appeared with a baby after a few weeks!

With my second she was born at 35 weeks I didn't feel I missed out on pregnancy with her as I got a whole extra month. I did have another emerg csect though and hated that.

With my third I had my first term baby at 38w6d so my pregnancy was another month longer again and despite loving having my first term baby those last few weeks were hell, so much more pain and discomfort than I ever could have imagined was possible lol

Fourth was 37w and this one is set too arrive at 36w, my only issue is still the fact I'll never have a natural birth.

yes. DS3 was born via emergency cs after a very easy spontaneous labour. When I wento hospital I honestly thouht I would get sent home as though I was having regular contractions 4mins apart they were almost pain free. When I was having contractions that close last two times I was in agony. Wasn't till I started bleeding I believed he would be born. He was born less than an hour later. I should still be pg now as he wasn't due till the 10th of May.

Oh yes definitely. I was told I would never have a birth child, and so adopted two wonderful, wonderful daughters.

Then I receieved a SURPRISE positive, and later found out I was about 16 weeks pg.

Didn't show until after 20 weeks (was wearing normal suits to work and remember my Ob saying at my 22 week visit "well at least you haven't had to go into maternity clothes yet!

Then at 32 weeks I had an emerg c-section with about 5 mins notice (bubs had stopped moving).

I was SO happy to be pg, but feel like it went by in the blink of an eye. I had doen a hypno birthing course and was REALLY looking forward to the birth, and that time straight after of bonding.

My ds was whisked off to another hospital, and remianed there for 2 months.

Nothing went to plan.

I too am super happy that he ended up healthy and now is a raging little two year old! But I wish things hadn't gone so fast....

ETA oh yes and I get the pre-maternity leave loss too!!! I was really looking forward to 2-3 weeks 'off' work, to relax beore baby arrived and girls would have been at school. DS was born on the way to work (thought I would pop in for a quick monitor to put my mind at rest about why bubs seemed not to move......so much for that)!

Yes. I fell ripped off, that I only go to 30+4 (spontaneous labour after previous bleeding due to low lying placenta). I had only just started to feel them move.

I mean, my boys are healthy (thank goodness), but after being a LTTTCer, worrying that something may go wrong & then all of a sudden they're here. I didn't even get to see them (apart from a quick viewing), until 5+hrs after they were born. No hugs/cuddles for 2 or 3 days & then 7wks in NICU/SCN

I would have given anything to have a bigger bump, stretch marks, a waddle... Oh well, maybe if there's a next time I'll get a little further.

Yeah i did, it's amazing what those few weeks mean.

Absolutely, my twins girls came smack bang on 27 weeks. I had a crappy pregnancy which had a lot of bleeds, bed rest, hospital visits and stays. I had TTTS, IUGR and gross polyhydraminos - looked like delivery quads at 27 weeks, not a pretty picture!

HOWEVER I absolutely adore my little girls and even though NICU was tough on them it has given us all experiences that have made us stronger. They had to fight so hard to live that now I am so proud of even the smallest thing they do as they "died" many times...

BUT I do wonder what it would be like to have a full term pregnancy with normal labour and delivery. Didnot even get the cravings that people get or morning sickness, I just got really hungry and drank lots of milk.

So yes I did miss the rest of my pregnancy and often wonder if we had gone for another if it would have made full term. However advice was due to my uterine problems, probably would have a microprem the next time. So no more for us.

This is totally me at the moment.

My first baby, a boy, was born 13 days ago at 29+6. I had a text book pregnancy up until 29 weeks when I started to feel sick. Thought it was just a virus and held out till my next OB appointment at 29+5. He ran some blood tests. I received a call at midnight that night telling me to go to hospital immediately - my liver function tests were not good and HELLP or pre eclampsia were suspected.

I spent the night in hospital and more blood tests and monitoring of the baby's heart showed he needed to come out straight away. Within 5 minutes I was whisked off to theatre and delivered my baby boy via emergency C/S under a general.

I hate the fact that neither myself or my husband were present for our baby boy's birth. I hate the fact I was in ICU for the first 24 hours and didn't see my baby until the next day. I hate the fact that I feel my body failed both me and my baby boy.

And I also feel a little robbed of the 8 weeks maternity leave I had planned before my little one was due to arrive. Time to relax, get the nursery ready and just enjoy the last moments of being pregnant.

I know the bottom line is that we are both still here and I am ever so lucky and grateful for this but I am still struggling to accept that I am no longer pregnant. I have moments where I just pine for my pregnancy and wish I could still feel DS swimming about in my tummy. I was only just beginning to really show too.

DS is doing well in the NICU and gaining weight but we will have a reasonably long journey ahead of us. I think the hardest thing is the speed at which things went downhill - there was no time to mentally prepare and the outcome was so different than what I had planned.

Hi all,

I'm glad to hear that some of you are feeling the same as me.

I had mine at 31 weeks due to severe HELLP Syndrome. I basically went to hospital with what I thought was indigestion, and the next morning 5am, I was became a mum via emergency ceasar. I didn't get to see DS for 12 hours because I was in ICU myself.

I am very envious of people who make it all the way and go on to have a natural birth.

I can't help feeling resentful when people start talking about, planning their birth and how wonderful it is going to be ... because I feel it is something I might never have.

I know I am really lucky that everything turned out ok.

Next time I will have to take lots of preggie pics. I kept waiting to take pics when I got bigger - but I never quite got there.

Hey ... I can't believe your story ... I feel like I am reading about myself, and the birth I went through last year.

I also had severe HELLP Syndrome out of the blue. My first baby, a girl was delivered at 31+3. We were flown to Sydney at night via plane, and then had an emergency ceasar. I was under general too and didn't get to see baby for the first 12 hours because I was in ICU.

My baby girl spent 7 weeks in the NICU. She was 1.380kg when she was born, and 2.5kg when she finally came home at 37 weeks.

Keep strong, believe it or not you will get through this.

I even managed to successfully breast feed her till she was 10 months old (although I never had an abundance of milk).

If you ever wanna chat, feel free to message me.

Totally understand how you feel OP.

I had DS1 at 34 +5 days. I went into pre-term labour at 29 weeks and managed to hold off until my waters broke at 34 +4 days. I was induced. DS1 stayed in hospital for just over 2 weeks and we had a lot of feeding problems.

3 weeks ago today I had DS2 at 32 + 4weeks. I again went into pre-term labour at 29 weeks and only managed to hold off until 32 +2 days and my waters started leaking. I was again induced this time because of the doppler and I had variable blood flow in the cord plus each time I had a contraction DS2 heart rate dropped. DS2 is still in the NICU now. I get one hold a day although I got some great news from the pead today I can try breastfeeding DS2 for the first time tomorrow morning. We are not expecting him to leave the the NICU until nearly his EDD of the end of November due to his apnea and bradycardia.

I totally feel like my body has let all 3 of us down. I have had lots of tears, one reason is I so wish I could take a baby home from the hospital with me. It is terrible to be discharged from the hospital and having to leave your baby behind, it just does not feel natural.

My OB has been great and gone through how mothers of prem babies are at a higher risk of PND. She is constantly tell me I didn't do anything wrong and it wasn't my fault. I still don't really believe her though.

awww, feeling very sorry for you poor mummies feeling this way. Probably nothing I say will help.

dd2 arrived at 33 1/2 weeks, and I found it a pleasant experience, but I think it was because she was alive, a heavy baby (2.5 kg born) and thriving, whereas other kids in the scn born later werent that heavy, and werent putting on weight etc.
Also as I carried dd1 to 39 weeks I can say I have made it to the end of at least 1 pregnancy.

So hugs to you all and I hope your little ones are thriving. You have every right to feel cheated, and annoyed at not being able to get as fat as a whale and back pain and waddle like ducks! lol. (I'm not taking the mickey, I am being serious). I hope that one day soon it wont matter so much, or hurt so much so you can enjoy your little bundles.

All the best

Yep, I didn't find out I was pregnant until 8 weeks and dd was born at 32 weeks (waters broke and she was born 6 hours later)

I had a good pregnancy and didn't get very large at all, I had my whole 3.5 weeks at home after finishing work all planned out, spent it in hospital looking at my dd through plastic instead.
Kind of missed getting all excited about the birth, packing a hospital bag, having the nursery ready etc.

Hi my DD was born at 34 weeks and was quite a shock. My waters broke on Labor Day Holiday would you believe! I had a very quick birth and suddenly my little girl was here. I remember crying to my obsetrician that it wasn't meant to be this way and that I deserved to give her a better start.

We thankfully had most of the baby stuff, hospital bag and car seat all organised but really when I reflect back that probably was less important.

Patience was in the special care nursery for 2.5wks to fatten her up and the back and forwards to the hospital was really hard on me. Only a 10min trip but I found it emotionally quite draining. I wanted to be there all day with her and found going home at night without her so hard.

When I finally took her home I was quite anxious. I think most first time mum's are but it was probably compounded by the whole experience.

I'm having our second one in February and will be on the lookout for any signs of early labour. I also found in a bounty bag a leaflet for these websites which I wish I had known about at the time and may well worth having a look at for anyone who has had a premmie baby. The feeling of guilt etc that they talk about struck a chord with me.

www.austprem.org.au/
www.lilaussieprems.com.au/