Hi all

I am being a bit flippant here but I am sick of people saying to me how much fun it must be to have twins. Why is it any more fun than one baby?? At the moment it is just bloody hard work excuse the french.

Don't get me wrong I feel very blessed I have 2 beautiful girls and my gorgeuos 4 yr old son, but why do people think it must be fun to have two or more babies at any one time??

Sorry just had to get that off my chest

Catherine
Mum to
Zac born 31.3wks 26/11/01
Charlotte & Lillian 34wks 05/05/05

{{{{hugs}}}} Catherine.
The things people say can be so frustrating at times, especially when you're already feeling crappy and overloaded. Two babies is hard work, and I'm sure that most multiple mums would agree with that. I found the first 6 months really difficult, and that was with a very supportive DH and no other children to look after!

I didn't really find that it got any "easier" until around 18 months, when they were both walking competently and could play together - that's always fun to watch. However, each new developmental stage brings with it a whole new set of challenges, as you would already know with your DS.

I've always found it best to just ignore people's comments. Alternatively, invite them home to spend 24 hours with you. That should put it is perspective for them!!

Take care of yourself,
Jo

Mum to twin girls
Hannah and Emma (8/4/03)

I tell you what, it really doesn't help the situation when people say things like that. Unless you have had twins, you have no idea what it's like, but the word fun is not one of the first to spring to mind.
As Jo said, I slways say 'OK, come and visit at 1 am and see if it is still your idea of fun.'
For the first 6 months I kept having dreadful thoughts like 'what have I done to deserve this?' and if only there was only one of them...'
BUT, I can honestly say that for me the fun began at about 7 or 8 months and I can now look people in the eye and say 'yes, it's fabulous!' I never, ever thought I would say that!
Having 2 is really rewarding now that they sit up and giggle at each other. In their cots they babble away to each other for half an hour before falling asleep and it just makes me smile. I wouldn't have as many special moments like that if there was only one.
So hang in there Cath, it will happen!

Mill. (mother to Scout,4, Indie and Shari born 4/11/04)

Hi there
Having twins or more is hard work and rewarding at the same time as they grow and develop they own little selfs and quirks each child is different and the first 12months was the hardest for me as a new parent and no other chn but I can understand where you are coming from as I worked 15 yrs in childcare and watched a lot of prents struggle with 2 chn and working and just surviving life with 2 singletons and sometimes more than 2 but we all understand where you are coming from as most people said to me double trouble and you have your hands full haven't you and I said back double joy and love and yes sometimes they are hard work. Hang in there as it does get better as they grow.my girls are talking and laughing and running around and you sometimes wish they would stop and just stay still. Sorry for a long reply but I know where you are comming from
Rosie and Girls

www.2.fertilityfriend.com.home/bab37
<a href="http://www.TickerFactory.com/">
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I also love "you're so lucky - they entertain each other". Yeah, if you call pulling hair, scratching and pushing to get the same toy "entertainment" (I guess it is on WWF!). I think sometimes people want to say something positive and they end up saying something like the "fun" comment, not realising how off the mark they are, especially in the early days. My honest answer is that for the first 6 months, I didn't find anything fun - slowly things have improved and now the girls are 2 and are "delightful" (to use a term old ladies seem to like!) - not to say they're not a lot of work and I sometimes feel like pulling my hair out or reaching for the gin bottle at 10.30 am - but the early days do fade into the background (not completely! I still recall my days of "baby prison" as I called the first 3 months).

Hang in there - things will get better (or at least different) - and as the babies get older, you will get a lot more "back" from them - like the butterfly kisses my girls gave me this afternoon - bless them.



Maree

Eleanor 1/8/03
Harriet 1/8/03

I agree with you totally cathh1 and another one

** Oh you are so lucky to have had twins ** I hope I have twins or I wish I had twins ** I'ts so cute **

SO DO I SISTER THEN YOU MAY UNDERSTAND HOW HARD IT IS !!! AND SOMETIMES NOT SO VERY CUTE !!!

I feel extremely blessed to have my little bundles of joy but one at a time would have been much easier.

Mine haven't arrived yet but I am realistic about how demanding they are going to be for at first 6mths at least (baby prison ) but I am already irritated by comments that I receive on a daily basis (to the point I dont even tell people I am having twins anymore). I get either:
"Twins - How much fun!" + "Your sooo lucky"
or
"Twins - you poor thing you dont know what your in for!".

Why can't people just say congratulations and leave it at that?

<a href="http://www.snugglepie.com"><img border="0" src="http://www.snugglepie.com/ezb/158244.png"></a>

In my opinion, people who say that they have always wanted to have twins, (or more - but no one has ever said to me they wanted triplets!) have got NO idea what it is like and the hard work that is involved in mothering multiples. Lately I have started feeling incredibly guilty that I didn't get to "enjoy" my trio when they were babies. This has been highlighted by the fact that I know have a singleton and she is such a delight and I really can enjoy her. Having multiples is busy, busy, busy, go, go, go. It's nearly impossible to give them the attention that you can lavish on a singleton baby. JMHO!

still waiting and mine are nearly 7!

Edited to add - Nee completely agree. I absolutely delight in Piper...and I can't ever remember being like that with Georgia and Kelsey


[b]Amanda
Georgia and Kelsey 26.3.99
Piper 1.7.04


This message was edited by *amanda* on Saturday, 24 September 2005 @ 12:02 AM

I wanted to add that I feel the same way as most of the others... the first 18 months or so of my girls life I would happily tell anyone who would listen that I wouldn't wish twins on my worst enemy. I didn't enjoy the fact that there was two of them at all... it just made things damn hard and made me feel extra guilty!!!!

I know realise I had some issues bonding with my girls when they were babies which I guess were compouned by other problems we had, I have always loved them but felt quite disconnected from them at times. Like they could have been someone else's babies that I was looking after.

But now in the last few months the clouds have really started to lift for us. I am so happy to be able to say that the girls and I have really begun to enjoy each other! I am not sure if it is because they are older and playing with each other more or if it's because they are starting to talk or what but even the tantrums and the fighting and biting and hair pulling seemes easier than those first months. A few months ago for the first time I actually honestly said I was enjoying having twins!

I can't say I think it would be more fun than having one, I mean I don't know I've never only had one, but I imagine it's different not better or worse or more or less. And certainly as babies there wasn't much fun about it in our house but now there are lots more good times than bad. I can't say that I love every minute of it or that I would have wanted to have twins had I had a choice - I am not saying that I'd rather not have had one of my girls but I often think I would have preferred to have them one at a time! But right now I can say my girls are fun sometimes!

Kate

We are moving house! Yipee!!

Hi all

thanks for your replies.

Nee I totally understand what you are saying about feeling guilty. I am sure that that is one of my current issues the fact that I know how I could just enjoy Zac when he was a baby because there was only him, but now I catch myself thinking I hope I haven't spent too much time with Lil today or I had better just let her cry so I can give Charlotte the same amount of attention. I know they are silly thoughts and my buddy told me that her twins are now 3 and they get the attention they want when they want it but I still feel guilty. Add to that the girls yesterday for the first time have started to look at me and cry when I pick up one or the other and the other is still in her rocker. She stops as soon as someone picks her up.

My other personal favourite saying that I am struggling to cope with atm is well twins are easier than 15,16,17mths apart because they are doing the same things at the same time blah, blah, blah. I have just had this discussion with my Brother as he had just had his 2nd and they are 16mth apart and I am spending the w/e at our parents because I was a bit stressed and needed some help and my DH has for one reason or another been busy for the last mth on the weekends. My brother was like not fair to mum she is busy with work and stressed out and you are going to dump on her. Plus we are busy too you know with Lach & Henry!!! It was their choice to have their children that close it was not my choice to have twins!!! I love them and would die for them but I am sure you understand what I am saying.

Sorry going to stop typing now this has turned into an epic. (FYI in a very distant past life I was a typist so hence I type very fast and don't realise how long things are sorry)


Catherine
Mum to
Zac born 31.3wks 26/11/01
Charlotte & Lillian 34wks 05/05/05

Catherine - big hugs to you. The "my two are x months apart - that's harder than twins" comment really gets to me. I don't have any other children so I don't have personal experience of close gaps but I know it's really hard having two who want exactly the same thing - try having two 23 month old toddlers who insist on walking down the steps alone! At least if one is 14 months older (or whatever) you know that one is actually able to use the stairs without falling over. I guess my response to that comment depends on how I'm feeling - if I'm in a good mood I say "well I guess we all have our challenges". If I'm having a bad day/week/hour, I'll just ask how that's harder than twins.

My Mum had her first 3 in 3 years with 14 months between #2 and #3 and she said, from watching me, that twins are harder. In the end, everyone has good and bad days - parenting isn't a competition about who has the hardest time. But - at least for those with close gaps, they've had that gap with only one baby to look after - something parents of multiples dream about!

Take care.

Maree

Eleanor 1/8/03
Harriet 1/8/03

This message was edited by nakigirl on Sunday, 25 September 2005 @ 3:02 PM