My little girl was born 20 months ago at 30 weeks, weighing only 840g. We were super lucky that she has no obvious long term problems so far, other then being tiny (she is still in 00 clothes)and her gross motor skills are a little delayed (she started walking at 18mths).

One should think that I should be happy with this and life should be rosey, however I am haunted by the fact that she had to spend so long (11 weeks) in NICU/SCN and that my body let her down, thus her being born early.

This guilt that follows me around has penetrated in to various other parts of my life, to the point that my relationship with my husband is strained and I am seriously considering moving out. My husband is no angel and at times is unhelpful around the house and unsupportive in helping my move forward - Hoever on the whole he is a top bloke who has copped a lot from me and stands by me when I am being a complete cow to him.

Has anyone else experienced this after having their little prem bub? I would love to hear how you managed to cope and move on.

Thanks
Halcyon

ps - I didn't experience any of this with my full term son who is 15 months older then my daughter

I didn't have a premmie but had a child with birth defects who was also in hospital for months after being born in a critical state (and then in and out again for ages after we finally got her home). Whilst not premmie she was also very small and delayed for a long time due to physical issues. Now she is fine and age appropriate but it took years for her to catch up.

It sounds like you need to see someone in order to move forward as for some reason you seem to have guilt that it was all your fault. Would you consider seeing a counsellor or psych to assist you? Whilst it seems easy to say it's not worth throwing a marriage and your family away because of something you have imposed on yourself in regards to thoughts and self beliefs. Life is to short and we must make the best of what we have so please consider talking to a professional.

The straw broke the camels back on the weekend and I have resigned to the fact that I DO need to speak to someone. However as always when I called the Doctor's this morning to get an appointment they are booked out until Thurs afternoon.

So hopefully on Thursday my GP can point me in the right direction of seeking some help.

Hi Halcyon

My boys were born at 26.6 weeks and spent 3 long months in NICU. Are you still able to acess the social worker attached to your NICU, not sure if you are able to still see them but they might be able to recommend someone that at least knows about NICU and the struggles/guilt that parents have

Kerri

i had a premmi not long ago and while she was in the NICU i was supprisingly calm and relaxed it wasnt untill i got to bring her home i stared feeling not quiet myself i put it down to sleep depravation.
anyway a few weeks later my emotions were becoming more intence and it was actualy my child health nurse who picked it up turns out i have anxiety but she has given me a referal to go and see someone

point of my story here is if your not getting the support/ help you need from the GP try your child health nurse, i was supprised that they dont just deal with baby and can actualy provide alot of hel for mums as well

It took me ages to calm down and relax and accept that DS was ok and would continue to be ok. I still have the occassional teary moment and flashback.

And I think it takes a long time to overcome the "I failed my baby" guilt. Its something the majority of us feel. The key is not let that guilty feeling rule you. At the end of the day you didn't fail but its so hard to feel you didn't. If I read you right this is where you are struggling and need help??

If you can't see your GP quickly try MCHN for a referral. I'm not saying you have it but PND or PTSD are not uncommon in prem parents.

You should definitely speak to someone it is very common for parents of premmies to have post natal depression and post traumatic shock syndrome

Have a look at this as you might find it helpful

Life's Little Treasures Foundation Counselling Services

It's sooooooo normal to feel that way. My son was born at 25w and spent 153 days in Monash and came home on oxygen. Because it was my cervix I hated myself watching everything my son went through.

We had social workers at Monash that fantastic and we go to premmie Playgroup on e a month which is brilliant to talk to other prem mums. Contact hosp and organize to talk to someone...it will help.

hugs
Shazz