Our family situation is somewhat complicated. (Edited because I don't want to leave too much personal info about my family up too long.)
Anyway.... because my dad is so great we'd love to name DS after him BUT I'm worried that this will make my mum really upset/sad which is the last thing she needs when she is so sick. I don't want to make her feel worse.

So I guess I'm after opinions on what you'd do in my situation. I'd really hate to give up naming DS after my dad.

Sounds like a very sad situation.

I don't think that anyone can 'expect' for a baby to be named after them, but only you can judge whether or not she will be upset. From the situation you have described I would definately still be using his name with your son. What would you mum expect, that you give your son her name?

I hope you find something that works without threading on too many toes. If there is one thing I have learned from EB it is that people can be upset by the most obsure of things..

Can you masculinise her name in any way and use 2 middle names?
ETA Jesse Wolfgang is an awesome name btw!

If it were me I think I would name him Marcel Wolfgang Solway.

Or another name from her family (eg her maiden name or her father's name) or a name she likes for a second MN.

How does your mum feel about your father now though?

Honestly I would either use the name and just explain why. If I was truly worried and (as bad as this sounds) if she wasn't going to last much longer, I'd perhaps not tell tell her about it and say you didn't have a middle name or something.

But no I'd probably not do that at all. I'd just try to explain why if it comes up as an issue, and if I found I wasn't getting anywhere I'd just not discuss it any further.

Pretty bad situation to be in, I hope you find something that works.

Very hard situation. I'd say just don't tell her. Not worth the heartache if she's bearing a grudge and very sick.

WOW families hey! What a hard situation you are in.
Here are some things i am wondering about:
Does your mum know it's a boy? Would you be better off being straight with her before bubs is born and telling her now that you'd like to name your baby after your dad? Would that make things better for you in the long run? Would it give your mum a chance to get used to the idea before bubs comes and she gets the shock (if it is a shock to her)then?

Ultimately you need to make the decision that best suits you and one that you can live with.

This might be a bit too dishonest, but if she doesn't know the gender (and doesn't know you know) then you could say that if a boy the MN will be after your dad, and if a girl the MN will be hers.

She knows it's a boy but I guess I could say that if it had been a girl, the MN would have been after her. Thanks everyone! (I'll edit my first post. Don't want to leave all that personal info up too long.)

I missed what happened but I'm bummed you've changed your sig to Jesse - it's no Marcel!

Agreed.

DH says Marcel reminds him of a little tiny french guy with a mustach sort of like the evil cook from "Ratatouille" so we're going with a name we both like. It's still normal enough for DH and I've always liked it.