Hi, another question..

having twins, i know its important to not develop any habits that cannot be maintained over time..

But when people say you shoudlnt pick them up when theyre unsettled, its sometimes hard cos all you want to do is cuddle them...

But i know i am asking for trouble if i have two crying unsettled babies that only want to be picked up!!

My babies are about a month old (corrected) - what do others think? And if its not ok to pick them up and cuddle, Any ideas on settling two babies at a time??

TA

ALi xxxx

Hi! As you can see, I don't have twins but...

I think there is heaps more time for them to "learn" to be independent and self settle. It must be especially hard when you have two of them! DS didn't really learn until 6 months of age. Cuddle them while they are little because soon you will have two huge 7.5 month olds (like me!).

My SIL has twins and she said the she couldn't have survived without a swing/rocker thingy (you know the ones I mean?).

Good luck!

Hi Ali
* Do they sleep in their own room or with you?
* Do you have a baby monitor on if they are in their own room?
I found that by having them near you (physically or by monitor), their cries tend to seem more amplified. I turned off the baby monitor in the end & decided that if I could hear thier cries from our room next door, then they might need settling or burping! If I couldn't hear it, then it wasn't that urgent.
I found that with having 2 it is probably a good idea to get them to self-settle now rather than try to break a bad habit later.
What worked for us was:
* After feed & play, I put them in their cots and walked out without lingering or eye contact
* I let them 'grizzle' for 5-10 mins but if it got loud or very upset, we would then try to settle
* Sometimes a soothing pat on the back or rubbing their eyebrow can settle them easily without needing to be picked up (I found this easier to do when they were sharing a cot). I know some people who have a mobile in the cot to entertain the baby(ies), or play music to settle them
* I started using dummies after 6 weeks (a bad habit we can break later!) and these settled them really well
At the end of the day, everyone has their own way of doing this and occasionally a cuddle doesn't hurt!
I find that when I put them in their cots now, they go to sleep after 10 or so mins and very rarely need settling during the night, sleeping 11 hrs. Your effort definitely pays off in the long run!!
Good luck

Lisa
Jessica & Isabel 1/3/05

Love the photo Ali, they are georgeous.

I dont think there is anything wrong with giving them a cuddle. They are still very young. I just had a hands off rule with anyone else holding them, people didnt like this but we didnt care. But DH and I still gave them cuddles when they were crying.

Another thing is to put them in a rocker and rock them, my two loved it. I used to put them in their rockers and rock one with each foot. Or I have heard that swings are good, but I never had one.

Dont worry too much, they are still young and you are still bedding down routines. Once they are a little older and have a propper sleeping pattern things will settle down.

I miss sitting down and cuddling my two. Dont worry they will be grown up in no time and you wont get cuddles like that so enjoy them now.

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Hi Alison!! Your back! Hope all is well with you all. Love the picture firstly ~ How very cute!
I would have to second what Lisa has said also. I find that knowing the difference between the help me cry and the hmmm I just cry and see if Mum will come and pick me up has helped us so much.
Both Hayden and Brooklen will self settle in their own cots now. This took a few weeks for them to get used to and a few trips in there for me at night, but now like Lisa said Usually the little cries you can eventually ignore and they should re-settle, if not they do need some attention.

I know this is hard especially for you since you have not long had your boys at home with you from being born early, but you should pick them up whenever you feel the need IYKWIM. Getting some sort of routine for them where they are content and you have taken care of all the issues nappy, wind, fed etc you can rest assured that they just need to know you are there. Getting the self settling started now will help for the next few months for sure

The baby whisperer and Baby love have great settling tips.....
Its great to have you back and with a lovely picture of your boys
Chat soon ~ Haylie

Haylie ~ Proud Mum of Hayden & Brooklen 21.3.05

I nearly killed myself patting them for hour after hour (I devoloped a wrist ganglion!) as I was so determined to 'do the right thing ' and not pick them up. If I did 'give in' and pick them up I was wracked with guilt that I was creating bad habits.
Now looking back I realise that all those hours of patting were a waste as they were prem and had colic and reflux and were probably crying because they were in pian. (now I feel guilty for NOT picking them up).
My life would have been simpler if I had just comforted them I think until they were over the reflux and old enough to get something out of the controlled crying. Maybe 4 months corrected or so??
I did controlled crying with my 3 yo from the start and he is a fantastic sleeper though so I guess they're all different.
I think the moral of the story is take it as it comes and don't beat yourself up about it (mentally or physically- I am still wearing a wrist splint!)
Marilla

Hi

Thanks so much for your replies - its great to see what others with twins think..

I am trying to stick with the routine of sleep, feed, play and then put them in their cot, no eye contact and leave - but i find myself coming back into their room every 5 minutes cos they get unsettled - and if I leave one to cry it wakes the other one up - so i need to quickly stop the crying somehow!

Sometimes i find i try too many things to settle them and the poor things probably get confused!!

And at times i feel guilty that i am being so strict on them..but I will perservere cos i definately dont want to rock them to sleep - imagine having to do that with 2 babies!! ehehhe

thanks heaps for the replies!

ali

The best thing we did is to put our babies to bed awake from the beginning so that they got used to going to sleep on their own. That way, when they wake, they don't need to be rocked/patted/fed to sleep again. But if there's serious screaming, I would usually go in and give them a cuddle, settle them down and then put them down again. I think it's okay for a baby to have a bit of a cry when they are put to bed - if it's hard for you to listen to, I recommend giving yourself a limit (5 minutes or 10 minutes? - whatever you decide is right), going outside or somewhere away from the crying and then going back to check - listening to your babies cry is awful, even when you know they'll be asleep in 2 minutes.

Take care

Maree

Eleanor 1/8/03
Harriet 1/8/03

Hi Ali....your bubs are adorable! Thanks for posting the pic.

It's so hard isn't it, knowing what to do. My bubs are 3 months old now and like you, DH and I were fairly strict in the beginning as we were also terrified of creating bad habits. At our parents support group which is run by the local community centre, the nurses always recommend that you try to settle them in the cot rather than pick them up but if you just can't bare it, pick them up and give them a cuddle-they said to just do what you feel you can.

I have also heard people say that you can't spoil a baby under 6 months old and that they are crying for a reason, not just to annoy you. The community nurses said not to try controlled crying until 6 months, that you need to return to them if they cry to let them know you are there.

Like some other have said, I feel guilty being so strict in the beginning and also wish I had picked my boys up more. Luckily they are still little and I can make amends now. After all, in the scheme of things, they live for 80+ years and are really only babies for 12 months of this time, so we should enjoy the cuddles now while we can.

We also put them to bed awake, unless they fall asleep when feeding. We walk out and will listen to grizzles for a while and if the noise escalates, I go back in and pat them or put a dummy back in or pick them up if neither ofthese works. I have in the past spent ages trying to re-settle a bub by patting, singing, putting a dummy back in etc and tried controlled crying only to ick them up AGES later to find that the poor little thing had wet through or needed to burp. Those times I think "if only I had just picked them up in the beginning" and not listened to everyone telling me not to, the poor darling could have burped/been changed etc and gone back to sleep.

Good luck and I hope all you find what works for you soon.....

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