DH and I are REALLY adamant about treating our babies as individuals and we are trying to educate family and friends to do the same (you know the they should get separate birthday cards and be dressed differently kind of situations?). It's difficult tho to do this without feeling like you're lecturing people. We kinda hope that if we drop enough hints and only refer to our babies as "the babies" (or more commonly from me "the naughty babies" LOL) or B1 and B2 in our case etc that people will catch on but so far that doesn't seem to be the case. One of my biggest pet hates are when people say "How are the twins" or I hate even more "How are the twinnies"!! I know some people aren't so fazed about these references but it REALLY REALLY bugs DH and I. I think saying something like "I'm having twins" or "Having twins means...." is OK as I'm referring to twins generally but when referring to MY babies I don't want them to be labelled as "the twins".

So, getting to the point of this post - my baby shower is this w/end and so I was thinking of playing the following game:
Each person is given X number of pegs and everytime someone says the word "twins" (or "twinnies"!) someone can take their peg off of them. This will get people thinking (atleast that's my theory) about how to refer to the babies other than "the twins". Do you reckon that could work? I thought I'd do a spiel at the beginning to explain the reason why we're playing the game. It'd be a bit of an education session!

Do I sound like a neurotic, obsessive mother to be of twins?? BE HONEST!!

Anyone got any other ideas for how to "educate" those around us? (without coming straight out with the lecture!).

[center][color=purple]ME 31 ~ DH 35
www.users.tpg.com.au/stevesw
<a href="http://oneintheoven.net"><img src="http://oneintheoven.net/preg/ticker.24827.png" border=0></a>
http://www2.fertilityfriend.com/home/b1

I love it! That is a fantastic idea. Hopefully it works and they actually realise why you are doing it.

We got an invitation to DH grandmothers b/day it said To Darren, Alison & Babies and this came from my MIL. I got so angry, went off the handle. Said did you send on to SIL that said to J, D & Single Baby.

I hate it. I do refer to them as the twins sometimes, but I am allowed.

Whenever we are out I always refer to them as Tayla and Jake and not the twins. Whenever they ask 'how are the twins?' I reply with Tayla and Jake are great. But, no-one listens and just keep doing it. That was why we also picked names that were nothing alike.

It is really hard but I think we have it easier as we have a girl and boy. I think it would be harder with the same sex. I think with same sex they would be compared constantly and be harder.

Ali

Tayla Jane & Jake Patrick
14th October 2004
<a href="http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a18/alibonham/Twins/DSC01354.jpg" target="_blank">
<img src="http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a18/alibonham/Twins/th_DSC01354.jpg"></a>

This message was edited by TwinMumAli on Thursday, 18 August 2005 @ 12:40 PM

Hi, I think your idea sounds great. If you keep it light hearted and a bit of a game it will seem like less of a lecture for everyone, but hopefully they'll get it! TBH I wish I had put more thought into this when I was pregnant. We knew we wanted them to be treated as individuals and we made sure they had non-matching names etc, but I just didn't realise how hard it is for people to get it through their heads!

I never, ever, ever refer to them as the 'twins', mostly the 'girls' and like Ali, I correct people when they do. Most people seem to have worked it out. The only people I have had to have a 'little chat' to about it are my brother and his wife. I honestly think they have referred to them as 'the twins' because their daughter had trouble saying their names at first and found 'twins' easier! She's pretty good now at 3 - but will often say to me 'Which twin is this one?' For a while she referred to them as 'Paiges', I guess she figured one was Paige so 2 must be Paiges...cute

Oh, and 'twinnies' is my pet hate - even more than 'double trouble' I think!

Good luck, have a great baby shower!

Nicolie
DDs Paige & Hannah (23/09/03)

I like your idea of the game - very innoffensive but effective
DH and I have talked about this issue a lot - I can guarantee our immediate family will do things like send a single birthday card, buy one present, not refer to them as individuals etc. One idea we thought of was to put a list of specific "tips" on the back of the birth announcement we're planning on sending to everyone. It would cover potential problem issues like "Please, no unnanounced guests - we're grateful for your support but we need our sleep!" and "Our names are xxxx and xxxx"... you get the idea. A bit on the preachy side, but if your relatives are like mine you pretty much need to physically beat these things into their heads
Not sure if it'll work or be a good idea, I'm curious to see suggestions from experienced twin mums like the replies you already have!

Me 33, DH 37

Ooh I like that idea! Can I use it too.

I am already sick of 'How are the twins'. I always reply with my babies are great thanks!

I think that's an excellent way of getting your point across. A gentle, lighthearted way to make your opinions known without giving a heavy lecture! Great thinking! Enjoy your day!

I like the game idea, but remember that ppl with just girls or just boys get asked "how are the girls" etc, so ppl are always going to ask you things like "how are the twins" - until of course you have more baby/s!

Steph
DD Alex (March 04)

I mostly refer to my twins as "the girls". Though I don't mind people saying "how are the twins?". It's similar to people saying "how are your children" or "how are the kids going". I think when there is more then one child it just gets too hard for people to refer to them by name a lot of the time! I'm so proud to have twins and when people say it to me, it always makes me smile when I remember how lucky I am to get 2 beautiful babies when most people only get 1!!

They are twins after all, so there is really no escaping people referring to them that way. Though I do see your point about wanting to emphasis that they are individuals Best to get other people into the right habits now! The peg idea is great, and I think it will really get your point across effectively.

Hannah & Jade

[color=Teal]Thankfully most of our friends ask how the "boys" are, rather than "twins". And, I haven't even had to ask them to do this!

My girlfriend has boy/girl twins and I always ask how her gorgeous "children" are.

But, to be honest, if someone calls them the "twins", I try not to worry too much. I just answer with, the "boys" are great thanks!

I love the idea of the game at the baby shower.

For me I don't like people calling our girls "The twins". I tell people "they are special for who they are not just b/c they are a twin".

I think I was worried about the whole individual thing too mostly b/c my girls are ID. Just b/c they look similar, doesn't mean they are the same in every other way!

We had to ask our families to please call the girls by their names or say "the girls" rather than saying the twins, ALL the time. They still do it sometimes, but I can cope with it sometimes. I don't want people always referring to them as twins or twinnies etc.

Belinda

Hi Butters - just saw this quickly and had to tell you that we did this for our baby shower - Mums Idea too and she hates it when people say how are your grand twins!! She always says Hayden and Brooklen are Grand!! LOL - they are poeple and indivudual and their Birth certificates dont say "Twin Hayden" & "twin Brooklen"...Have fun at the shower and I hope you get some very lovely pampering, lots of yummy food and lovely, lovely presents!!! Yipppeeee...Cant wait to hear all about it.
Haylie

Our Precious twins Born on the 21st March 2005

hi everyone

i'm a little naughty and i dont stress out too much about this problem
my family is not around so really i dont get asked alot about them (and when i do it is "how are your triplets or boys")
but when talking about them it is me that calls them the "twins" as Corey does not do the things the others do and Blake and Dylan are stuck at eachothers hip so instead of saying "blake and Dylan are with their dad", i will say "the twins are with their dad"
i do encourage individual things but they dont want to *at this point* to do stuff without the other
they are very niave little terrors, which is due to the non exposure of life really, but i am hopeing daycare will toughen them up ready for kindy..
** when i mean LIFE i mean for a majority of thier life they have been in this house and not exposed to swimming lessons, gymbaroo, playgroup** i wanted them to but it couldnt be done
enough me venting on too many kids, not enough hands
it will be interesting whether this close bond that they have now with be carried forward to the primary school, highschool and adult years.
good luck all
kylie
ds Dylan 12.01
ds Blake 12.01
ds Corey 12.01
ds Kade 11.03

by the way they know that they are not twins and they refer to themselves as triplets.. i dont say to them they are twins... and corey has autism so in no way would be offended.

I'm another one who never calls the girls the "twins" - some people still do but I think the way they're treated at home will be the most important influence on how they view themselves so I try (not always successfully) not to let it get to me when acquaintances call them "the twins". I think your game sounds like a fun way to get your point across and lots of people just won't have thought about the issue.

When people with children ask me how "the twins" are, I have been known to ask them how their "singleton/s" are - I don't know if it makes any difference but it makes me feel better.

Maree

Eleanor 1/8/03
Harriet 1/8/03

Great idea. We refer to our boys as "the boys" or call them Aidan & Keenan. Never the twins. I am an ID twin and my sister and i still get called the Twins, and it sh*ts me to tears.. I hate it and i am always going on about how much i hate it, so my family doesn't do it any more. We are individuals - both with kids of our own.. and we live a fair distance apart Canberra & Hobart.... i don't see why people still refer to us jointly.. my vent is over!!

Anyhow great idea!! There is nothing worse than people not knowing which one you are and calling you the twins or twinnies - and this is from 26 years of experience!

Rach :-)

Rach (26)
BJ (35)
Aidan & Keenan - 6 months

Hi there, i was going to start my own thread, but his one is nearly spot-on! Good friend of our had beautiful twin girls, Brianna and Gabrielle a few weeks before i had my son. Brianna (the smallest) has contracted meninjitis and is back in hospital and i want to send her a 'get well' teddy bear. When they were born, i bought them different outfits and wrote seperate cards- is it ok to just buy brianna the teddy and not get Gabrielle anything?
This is a good thread, I noticed in the hospital that they mostly received twin cards, which means that only one or he other girl can keep her baby cards!! I think i was the only one tha did everything seperate for each little girl!
Can you please PM me so i dont take over this thread? thanks

So how did your shower go? I hope you had a great time.

Did they get the point of the game?

This message was edited by TwinMumAli on Monday, 22 August 2005 @ 3:41 PM

Arcgh! I'm so angry at myself. I chickened out!! I was all gun hoe about it then DH and I had an argument with his parents about this exact subject on Friday night and it took away my confidence! :mad: - MIL in particular drives us (especially me) mental some times!! She's one of those people who always believes that her opinion is the right one no matter what but that's another story! Plus, I'm so not one for being the centre of attention or talking in front of a group of people, even people I know so that didn't help and I pulled out at the last minute. I was thinking instead of doing some kind of spiel on our website that we've been updating along this journey as that feels less confrontational for me. DH is the type tho who will just tell people what he thinks so I suspect that if anyone makes regular comments/labels that we don't like he'll let them know, but in a manner much to my embarrassment!!

Funnily enough tho I didn't really get too many of the typical comments I was expecting. There is one friend who constantly refers to the babies as "the twinnies" which I REALLY hate and she even wrote that in her card, and another person gave us a card with... can you believe this? DOUBLE TROUBLE written on the front!! Other than that, I think I got off fairly lightly. It was such a frantic time tho that I barely spoke to anyone for more than 2 minutes it seemed.

[center][color=purple]ME 31 ~ DH 35
www.users.tpg.com.au/stevesw
<a href="http://oneintheoven.net"><img src="http://oneintheoven.net/preg/ticker.24827.png" border=0></a>
http://www2.fertilityfriend.com/home/b1