I just have to vent out a little today, as I am getting really frustrated when I go out with my lovely twin daughters. I get stopped by so many people, as well as, all those stares. But I am sick to death of people coming right out and asking me if they were conceived by IVF. I don't know why it is anybodies business. I am one of the lucky ones who didn't have to go through IVF and conceived them naturally but what if it was the other way around. I feel this is a very personal question, why do they need to know.

I know, I know, that I am very lucky to have twins but somedays I would really like to do my shopping in peace. Also if I hear "oh Double Trouble" again I think I will scream...I do now correct them and say "no, twice the love"

But I do really want to get T-shirts made up for them with...YES WE ARE TWINS, NO WE ARE NOT IDENTICAL and WE ARE GIRLS.

Gosh now I feel better. Does anybody else experience this?

Yeah the "natural" vs "IVF" question bugs me too, what difference does it make? But it seems to concern so many people. Natural curiosity I guess, though until I had twins and so many people have asked me this, I would have never thought to ask!

That's a good idea actually, I'm going to buy some cheap shirts for the girls and go to this little stall at the local shopping centre that sews words and stuff on things for you. "YES we are twin girls, & NO we are not identical should cover it! Then I'll make sure they are wearing them when I know I'll be around a lot of people.

Sad thing is though, I'll probably still get asked these questions..... there's really no escaping. I would have thought 2 babies dressed all in pink would indicate they are both girls but apparently not because when this is the case I've still been asked is one a boy and one a girl??

Twins are just fascinating to people, but I know what you are saying and it does get extremely frustrating when you have things to do and you get stopped every couple of minutes!!

Hannah & Jade

I hate 'Double Trouble' it drives me insane. I quickly (sometime too quickly) correct them with 'Double the Joy'. I hate it.

I constantly get asked if they are identical. A. they are are girl and boy B. they look nothing alike. Also the what are they questions like they are some sort of alien, when one is clearly in pink and one in blue still get questions on what sex they are. Also get asked Are they twins? (NO! they were born 3 minutes apart - Actually snapped and said this once and the woman said 'Oh they look like twins', had to run off laughing at that point). Some people have no idea! I also get the do twins run in your family questions, I just say yes and keep going even though my two are the result of IVF it is no-ones business.

When I go shopping I have taken to looking down and not making any eye contact at all. And when I hear the Oh twins, Oh look at the twins, can we see the twins? I just pretend I dont hear them and keep walking. Rude I know but it drives me insane. If I keep stopping it takes me an hour and a half to do a half hour shop.

Ali

Tayla Jane & Jake Patrick
14th October 2004
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This message was edited by TwinMumAli on Tuesday, 9 August 2005 @ 4:13 PM

lol 2bubba's

the other day i had my 2 identical boys out and about at the shops and a lady said "oh what a handfull" and was going to continue rambling when out of MY mouth came " double trouble " could not believe that i had just said that iritating saying but hey they were being little monsters and it just came out :gasp:
when ever people ask if they are twins i say .. with a smile "yes" if only they new that there was one more and i was silly enough to go again... i think they would sit me down and ask me to explain myself..
dont you love when you are in a hurry and people want to know your life story, unfortunatley my boys are old enough now to respond and they think that the shops are a place to meet and greet people :|
good luck , cant say it gets much better

kylie
ds Dylan 12.01
ds Blake 12.01
ds Corey 12.01
ds Kade 11.03

lmao, sounds like us multiple mummies get the same response no matter where we go.

My girls are 4 now and I still get stopped. It is extremely obvious that my girls are not identical but people still of course ask me if they are, then when I reply no they start with all the differences they can point out - I wonder if they like doing those "SPOT THE DIFFERENCE" puzzles in the newspaper.

All I can say is that we are so lucky to have more than one because we get two or in your case Kylie three cuddles, kisses, laughs, conversations, nappies to change lol.

I have a 10 year old as well whom is just as precious to me as the twins, but I can tell you two toddlers are far more entertaining than one toddler - I could sit an watch my little girls all day long, no wonder others are so fascinated by them.

And Alison that is always interesting when people ask it girl/boy twins are identical - if not one small difference only, lol. My girls were assisted also and were born 4 minutes apart what a marathon that is, hey.

Sometimes my husband has replied to the "they are different" comment with "Yeah different fathers" :confuse:, that throws them for a minute.

Anyway good luck multiple mums and allow extra time for those shopping trips.

Cheers
Sharon

[center]~Hayden Phillip & Brooklen Lily 21/03/05~
*Our little Docker Twins*[center]

[color=Teal]Yep, the stupid questions and comments really get to me too sometimes. Most of the time I'm OK, but get me on a bad day and God help you!! ;p

We did have to go through IVF to conceive our boys, but it's really no-one's business and I too find it rude that people ask. I somehow feel defective when I admit to people that we couldn't conceive a child on our own, yet I know I shouldn't feel that way. We really should be counting our blessings that we're around in an age where we have been given the opportunity to take advantage of incredible technology.

OK, I'll get off my soap box now!

Vanessa

I have taken to wearing my sunnies indoors at the shops and avoid eye contact at all costs!

My main gripe at the moment is when people say, Ohhh this one is much bigger than this one, ok so Charli is a tad bigger than Tia but Tia doesn't stop all day so she doesn't put weight on so well, but are continued comments like this going to mean that my gorgeous daughter is going to end up feeling fat and heaven forbid have an eating disorder.

Ok thats me done ;p

Just wait till some idiot asks you if they are REAL twins! Much much more blood boiling than the IVF question-to which the standard answer is 'why do you ask?' (yes ours are IVF and yes they are real!)



Caz Joel and Cam at 2 1/2years old-now 3 years old

Last night DH and I attended "Expecting Twins" class at our hospital. The class was run by a woman who is a fraternal twin and had ID twin daughters. She said that when her daughters were about 2 she was out with them and a man stopped her in the street and asked her "Which one is the smart one and which one is the dumb one"!! Her response was, "Do you have siblings?" to which he answered "Yes" so she asked him "So which one are you? The dumb one or the smart one?" He apparently turned off in a huff but she said it felt so damned good!! Nice work I say

[center][color=purple]ME 31 ~ DH 35
www.users.tpg.com.au/stevesw
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This message was edited by butterscotch on Tuesday, 9 August 2005 @ 8:50 PM

I haven't even had the twins yet, but already get a lot of these comments! I'm sick of people saying "oh, won't you'll be busy" or "double trouble", why can't they say "how wonderful that you're having two babies!"?
And generally the very first thing out of peoples mouths when they hear I'm having twins is "oh, were they natural or IVF"... well yes, in our case they were conceived via IVF but is it really so important to strangers? Do I go around saying "Hmmm, you're pregnant - what position did you have sex in?". Not that I mind people knowing we had IVF (wonderful technology!) but it seems so rude when it's all they're interested in, and once people know they're a result of IVF there's a kind of "oh, they're 'fake' babies" attitude!
I've started just agreeing with people to make life less stressful... the smile and nod works quite well. Yes, they're natural. Yes, they're identical. Yes, they run in the family. And so on ;p
Sorry, been getting a lot of these comments this week and it's driven me mad, lol! Seeing how much trouble all you twin mums have when out in public with your bubs is making me *very* nervous It's amazing how stupid/insensitive so many people can be!


Me 33, DH 37

I have to agree with everyones comments. I am SO sick of allt he comments. The ohter day the boys were out with their daddy and some lady said what lovely girls - hello?! They look lke boys and were dressed in blue tops that say something boyish and jeans - not feminine.. bj said yes they are lovely BOYS!

Geez. I tell you.

As you can tell i am having a wonederful night, BJ is away so my two little "darlings" and i say that in the nicest term because i am cranky and bugggered and being little monsters. I think they may be asleep again so might try to escape to bed.......!

I find now if i can help it i take one with me in the sling and leave the ohter at home with BJ because then it saves being stopped. I was quite rude the other day to a lady who kept touching them. I snapped and felt awful after, but it does get so annoying!

Please let me get some more sleep. i have only 2 hours so far.... I can't wait for Bj to get home tonight.

Rach

[img]http://www.tickercentral.com/view/3wjo/2[/img]
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It's the eternal issue for parents of multiples, isn't it? I try to tell myself that people are just interested and want to connect and they don't mean to say stupid or offensive things - but when you're tired and it's the 10th person who's said "double trouble" or "look, twins!" and you're still only halfway through the shopping, it can be hard to smile. At least none of you have snapped back at someone who yelled "look, twins!", "no sh*t, Sherlock" like I did one grumpy day when it all got too much for me...

Actually I think I must be meaner than most of you - I seem to have comebacks for most of these comments! Another one I hate is "how are the twins?" - why can't they say "the girls" or "your children"? I know I'm probably over-sensitive but I don't want them spending their whole lives trying to establish an identity apart from as "the twins". Now I say "fine, how are your singletons?".

Sometimes when people ask if my girls are twins (they're monozygotic so they do look alike and are the same height and weight) - I say "no, they were just born on the same day" - by the time they've worked that out I'm in the next shop.

Have fun, everyone.

Maree

Eleanor 1/8/03
Harriet 1/8/03

I was out in the CBD today and a lady actually said to me "Are they YOUR twins?? You must have shrunk back quickly" - looking me up and down and staring. I suppose that's a compliment, but so what if I'm back to my pre-pregancy weight, she said it like I was some kind of mutant! I felt like apologising because I didn't weight 10kgs more or something!

I got a million "Are they twins", "look twins!", "double trouble", "how do you cope" etc etc. It doesn't annoy me too much, I just smile and bask in the attention! See it's good if the twins are being good and I'm in a good mood. It's bad when they are whingey and I'm stressed and I feel like saying, "If you're so interested in them, why don't you take them for the day and give me a break!". I never actually would do that of course!

I think people ask the natural/IVF question because IVF twins have become more and more common over the years. But as I said before, it's none of their business either way!

I also always get the question as to which one is better then the other?? I normally say they both have their good and bad days. But I feel like saying, they are not fricken clones, would you like people asking if you are better then your siblings!!

Anyway, I think it's great to have twins and I mostly enjoy the attention when I'm out. I feel proud to have more then one baby and it singles me out in the crowd and I feel special and extremely lucky! Everyone else is just jealous!!!

Hannah & Jade

(sigh) I seem to be venting about this all the time so I won't drag out all my usually stories and complaints today, but I just had to add today's one!

I went to a morning tea today full of people I had never met before (I only knew the host). Anyway, a woman come up to me and after the usual 'How do you cope?' question (to which my normal reply is 'I have to or they'd starve'), she comes out with 'My kids are only 18 months apart and that's much harder than having twins'! What the? And exactly how does she know this? Now admittedly I don't have kids 18mo apart so maybe she's right but really, what a thing to say to someone. I would never say to any mum that I had it harder than she did, even if I was thinking it (and I sometimes do when I see a mum happily bf 1 baby while sitting in a coffee shop enjoying a nice bit of cake!)

Nicolie
DDs Paige & Hannah (23/09/03)

Sounds like she has the "poor me, look how hard I have it" syndrome! What is with that comment? If she doesn't have twins she has no basis to the comparison LOL what a weirdo!

Hannah & Jade

She's a rude freak!

I love people playing the "my life is harder than yours" game. Maybe it is harder to have singeltons 18 months apart - I wouldn't know, as I haven't experienced that. But it's not the same as multiples. When someone says to me "my two are 18 months apart, that's like twins" I just smile sweetly and say "how is that like twins?". I mean, were they born on the same day? Did you have two newborns? Two babies starting on solids? Two babies having vaccinations on the same day? Two toddlers insisting on putting their own shoes on? It's definitely not the same as close in age singletons.

Maree

Eleanor 1/8/03
Harriet 1/8/03

Thanks Guys with all your replies, it so nice to know that everyone is confronted with the same things as I am.

GO MUMS OF MULTIPLES!!!!!!

I do get annoyed with people saying Oh it must be so hard....yes it is but I don't know any different, I admire other Mums in my AMBA group who have twins as well as other children. I think it is hard for any new mother but I don't think any mother can say that they have it harder than another.

I feel better now that I have that off my chest and I now am thinking of smart replies to give to all those nosey people. One of my friends did suggest, after coming shopping with us, that I should strap a money tin to the pram and charge people for information, she thought I would have enough for their education by the end of the year. Not a bad thought

;p

Or paying for silly comments like - are they identical (Boy/Girl) That deserves a dollar or two!! Great thought...

I didn't get the IVF guestion probably because I have three other kids, but I was totally suprised by the total strangers who ask me if they were born naturally and if they were breastfed Hello is that any of your business NO IT ISN'T

It is getting better to go down town now because we live in a small country town I think everyone has asked all their questions LOL

Wems

I'm laughing and petrified at the same time! Are people really that thick / insensitive?

I guess I'm going to have to pick my fights.

Has anyone tried turning the "Were they Natural or IVF?" question around on the asker?

I mean- they ask you, then you say "That's a bit of a personal question. How were YOUR children conceived?"

If anyone nosey asks me how ours were conceived, I'll tell them it was with a bottle of Champagne (true!)Either that or say "Well you see, when a man and a woman love each other very much..." :-D

LOL* I am so over people asking whether twins run in our family... No they don't, and yes they where conceived through IVF. "Now lady if you have a whole day to sit down with me and let me tell you from start of TTC to conception please do and i'd be more than happy to tell you all the nitty gritty details"

I was up at the hospital Wed & Thurs with D.H and i got asked 6 times, (yes counting) whether they where breast-feed. One lady even said to me why not? That’s why you have two boobs, *Oh my friggin god* how darn rude, Not that I couldn't BF but i choose not to, i feel for those people who get asked whether they BF or not and that simply cant BF.

AND I am so over double trouble too or are they both boys HELLO !!! They are both in blue for friggs sake !!
Or the best one did you know you where having twins !!

We have twins just over 2 years old, boy & girl (no they're not identical!) and another daughter 6 months old. We would never dream of telling a mother of triplets that we know exactly what its like!
I do remember my DW telling me of one old biddy who was quite adamant that we didn't have twins, because they were a boy & girl. Whatever...

Imagine if they weren't, how would we get through our days sometimes??

Anyway, yeah I'm over it all too.

I do have a few answers for those know it alls who have nothing better to do w/ their time then to admire us w/ their minute imaginations.

Boy/Girl -Neither (they can't work that one out)

Double trouble -You have NO bloody idea

IVF/Natural -What's it too you

Identical -Who knows but they do have different colour eyes if that helps

How lucky you are -Hmmm, yes but I lost the charm when they turned 16mths.

What a handful (as they do 360 tanties cleaning the shopping cntre floors and people try NOT to fall over them)
-If you'd like to give me an extra hand I'd be grateful.

No one ever offers...

As for the pink/blue thing. We had taken our girls to a checkup (dressed cpmpletely in pink)and a cleaner said what beautiful boys you have. We said, no girls and she said they dress their boys in pink/girls in blue in Poland.

But my favourite comment of all times that far outweighs all the crap was from an elderly lady who told me they were gorgeous (they were screaming & we were almost beside ourselves)babies & we were doing a fantastic job but then added very quietly in my ear But somedays you just want to throw them out w/ the bath water..
I think of her everytime those endless admirers try to terrorise me w/ their insane questions.

Wow, I've had fun reading all these posts. The comments will never end.

Before I was even pregnant, people would ask...."When are you going to have a baby!" I would reply " Well, we keep trying, but I keep swallowing it" Grose I know, but you should have seen the reaction. Priceless!

Now that I am pregnant with fraternal twins, I of course get the question "Do twins run in the family".

The fact is, I do have twins in my family, however mine were conceived through ivf. So I just answer with "Yes, I do have twins in my family" which is the truth!

Often people believe that if your husband/partner has twins in his family, you are likely to have twins. So not true. How on earth can a man make a woman release two eggs? Because my husband also has twins in his family, his family like to take the credit so to speak.

I love correcting them with the science of reproduction.

I look forward to the future comments once our twins are born. Just try holding me back!

Lotta xoxo

Isn't it funny how the hubby's family like to take credit for the twins when they are on his side. (I also had great pleasure in correcting them!!!!)

The double trouble thing doesn't worry me too much (not that i have had them yet, but i am already getting it)i think that 'double trouble' is actually a term of endearment.

The one thing that gets me is people that you barely know asking if i know if they are boys or girls. Do that many people really find out?? And would you be telling anyone if you did know anyway??

Thats enough from me



Niaomi & Roger
Twins due in 11th December 2005.

We haven't actually got the IVF one yet directly I think as basically all close people know they are and everyone else assumes that we are too young to need IVF. I do however get sick of 'So who's side of the family etc.' as it then sort of leads to the IVF stuff.
I rarely get 'Wow, how exciting' just basically 'Oh you'll be busy' 'I'd die if that was me' 'Glad it is you' 'Yuck! Double the nappies' etc. which annoys me as I do like positive comments about my much wanted babies.
My strangest ones have been 'Are you going to feed them'. OK I know what they mean but come on- I usually just reply 'no, I'm going to let them starve' as usually they don't actually say 'breast' just 'feed'! They aren't even here yet........ (The worst one being 'Oh, well you won't be able ot feed them now that there is 2!)

I've only had one real bad comment so far and it was from a professional! I took my DS for his 4 month immunisations, I had a antenatal appt the day before and forgot to ask if I needed to increase my folate intake now that we knew it was 2 instead of one so after the nurse gave the injections I asked her. She looked at me, looked at Charlie (4.5 months) and said 'Oh I feel sorry for you', I stepped back looking puzzled and said 'Why?' she said 'Having a 4 month old and twins'..My reply was 'Well he wont actually be 4 months old when the twins arrive, you might be aware that it takes around 40 weeks to grow babies and I wont just have Charlie I'll have my 12 year old DD, 3 yr old dd, 11 month old ds and new born twins and I couldn't be happier. I suggest if you don't have anything nice to say you stick to the old adage - Nothing nice to say then keep your mouth shut' and stormed out. I then came home still fuming and rang the surgery to complain, emailed and faxed the same complaint off. Within the week she had called to appologise..Man was I p'd off!

Cheers
Melissak

I was waiting in a pharmacy today that has a baby clinic (to get my DD weighed), and a lady came in with baby in Baby Bjorn - then I noticed a Grandma was with her with 2nd baby in a capsule.

Some nosey pharmacy assistant came over and chattered incessantly with them for what seemed like ages. I think she asked every question except were they IVF. After she went away, I said "boy you must have heard every inane comment about twins there is by now" and smiled .

Steph

I was in the Dr. Surgery today with MIL and we were holding one baby each. A lady that was waiting asked me if they were both mine and I looked at MIL being 50+ and said "oh no - one of them is her's"
I dont think she or MIL knew what to do but laugh! How silly.....She apologised and then proceded to tell me how hard it is with just one baby and OMG how do you do it......I just breathe and smile now!


[center]~Hayden Phillip & Brooklen Lily 21/03/05~
*Our little Docker Twins*[center]

Do I take it as an insult??

Yesterday I was out walking with the twin pram as I do every morning and walked pass this group of guys and they said "move over wide load coming?"

I don't know if they were talking about the pram or me???? I just replied with sarcasm "thank's very Much"...I was a bit offended.

Oh 2bubbas, I've had that one as well and wasn't quite sure how to take it either!

Had another beauty the other day...from a TWIN! I was in the local supermarket and the girl on the checkout told me that she was an identical twin. Then she proceeds to point at one of the girls and say "Is she the naughty one?" That's just plain mean I thought :mad: Of course I told her that they were both good girls (lying through my teeth). What I should have done is asked her how she would have felt if someone had said that about her when she was a child. Mind you, someone probably did and that's why she thinks its OK.

Nicolie
DDs Paige & Hannah (23/09/03)